AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I deserved to be alone. To not have her forgiveness. I'd said too many hurtful things. I'd done too much. And it would be the biggest regret of my life.
Emma, of course, had questions. One moment, Reagan was there, and the next, she was gone. Just like Meredith.
When I'd said what I did, I hadn't thought of anyone else but myself and my own pain and issues. I hadn't thought of how Emma would be affected. How lost and abandoned she would feel at Reagan's absence.
Every one of her questions was like a dagger to the fucking heart, reminding me of everything I'd lost—everything I'd fucked up for the both of us.
All the work she'd done with Reagan to get back to the happy kid she was before was gone. Ruined. We were back to fighting over everything, back to her screaming and yelling at me, back to her refusing to eat and back to me drinking my weight in whiskey every night. Our old ways were back like a familiar, unwanted companion and I fucking hated it. Hated myself for causing it.
I glanced in the rearview mirror, finding her staring out the window, her face empty. It fucking destroyed me to see her like that. She didn't deserve this.
Tears burned my eyes as I turned onto our street. I nearly slammed on the brakes when I saw Reagan's car parked out front. Conflicting emotions erupted inside me. Happiness first, followed by hope that she was back; then, finally, dread. Dread that she was here to tell me she was leaving—to give us her final goodbye.
Her final goodbye.
It would wreck me, but worse, it would destroy Emma. I couldn't watch my daughter break again.
As I pulled into the driveway, I contemplated what to do. Do I let Emma go in and see her? Say goodbye? Or do I just drive away, take her to the diner and leave her with Cora while I came back and dealt with Reagan alone?
But that felt wrong. It felt wrong to rob them both of a farewell. I didn't know when they'd see each other again. If they'd see each other again.
If I'd see her again.
I stared at the front door, waiting to see if she'd come out, which was ridiculous. She didn't know we were even here. But I still waited.
"Daddy?" Emma muttered, her voice soft. "Whatcha doing?"
Letting out a long breath, I dropped my head back and closed my eyes. I'd wanted to go to Lily's. I'd wanted to find Reagan and beg her not to go. I wanted to tell her that she belonged here with us.
I wanted to tell her I loved her.
But I couldn't hold her back, and I couldn't stop replaying the way her face had fallen when I compared her to Meredith.
That was what I regretted most, hurting her so irrevocably that I'd be lucky if she didn't slap me as soon as I walked through the door.
"Ready to go in?" I asked, glancing in the rearview mirror. She nodded, her big eyes on mine. Sighing, I got out of the car and rounded it, pulling her door open and unbuckling her car seat. Before pulling her out of it, I paused. Should I tell her Reagan was here? Or maybe a surprise is better.
Fuck, I didn't know how to navigate this mess.
I pulled Emma from her car seat and settled her on my hip, shutting the door with my elbow before turning toward the house. My steps faltered and anxiety clawed at my insides.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Wrapping my hand around the doorknob, I took a deep breath. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew once I opened the door, my life would forever change. Whether good or bad, I didn't know. But I knew it would be different. That whatever happened, that whatever she said, would change me.
Shoving the door open, I stepped inside, blinking as my eyes adjusted. There she was, sitting on the couch, her back to us.
"Auntie!" Emma squealed, and she thrashed in my arms, ready to sprint to her. I held her tighter as Reagan slowly rose from the couch. Her eyes looked swollen and red, and her cheeks were blotchy, but she was smiling.
Of course she was. She was always smiling, even through the pain.
"Rae," I whispered, stepping forward. Emma shoved at my chest, and I reluctantly set her on the floor, letting her race toward Reagan. She scooped Emma into her arms and squeezed her eyes shut as she tightly hugged her.
I was helpless to do anything other than stand and watch. The way Emma held her just as tightly back, the way her little body seemed to relax and her face—
