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“You can’t fucking help me!” I shouted at him. Tears burned in his eyes, and I fuckinghatedit. “How the fuck can you help when you’ve had it so goddamn easy?!”
He clenched his fists at his sides, the keys to his car clutched tightly in his grip. “Easy?” he hissed. “I may not have gone through what you have, Harlow, but I haven’t had it easy either. But I finally grew the fuck up and stopped taking my shit out on other people.”
I barked out a laugh. “Before or after you decided lashing out at other people was the answer?”
He shook his head and took a step back from me, tears burning in his eyes. “Go swim,” he choked out. “I’ll have food delivered to you. I think we need some space.”
My heart wrenched in my chest. Fuck. No. No, no, no. He couldn’t leave me like this.
“Xavier,” I rasped, reaching for him, taking a step forward at the same time. Everythinghurt, and he hadn’t even walked out the door yet.
“I can’t—” His breath hitched in his throat as he opened the front door. “I won’t stoop to what you want me to do, Harlow. Ican’t. Because I can’t fucking hurt you like that. Not anymore.”
I gripped the back of the couch, feeling like my world was going to crumble. The foundation was cracking in several places, and if he walked out of that front door, even if it was just for the night, I would fall.
“Please don’t go,” I begged him. The agony in my voice made him turn around. The tears in his eyes fucking gutted me. “Please, baby,” I begged. “Just stay. Please. Goddammit, I’ll do better.”
He shut the front door and came over to me, dropping the keys on the table beside the couch. My breaths sagged out of me. He was staying.
Fuck, he was staying.
His hand was bleeding, and my eyes widened in alarm at the sight of his blood. But I didn’t have the time to grab his hand to inspect the damage before he grasped my face in his hands, pressing our mouths together in a hard kiss. His blood smeared over my cheek, but I didn’t care. I’d wear his blood everywhere if I could.
I broke down, tears sliding down my cheeks. He just kissed me harder, his bloodied hand sliding along my skin as he did his best to catch all my pieces while I crumbled in his palms.
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I croaked when he separated our mouths.
He pressed his lips to the corners of mine before peppering kisses to my closed eyelids. “All messes can be cleaned up,” he whispered, his arms sliding around my shoulders.
I burrowed my face into the curve of his neck. “Please don’t leave me,” I pleaded.
“I won’t,” he assured me. “I’m here, baby.”
12
Harlow
Xavier and I had barely gotten any sleep last night. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw Carl laying on the ground, blood covering him. I heard my screams. Heard the medics trying to get me calm so they could get me help.
And because I couldn’t sleep and Xavier was scared to leave me to my own thoughts, we stayed up most of the night, only dozing off every once in a while when exhaustion tugged us both under for a few brief moments.
“I don’t want to leave you alone today,” Xavier said, frowning down at his phone, his thumb hovering over Chief’s name. I didn’t want him calling out. He needed to earn his paycheck. I would be okay. Always was. I didn’t have suicidal thoughts, and if I ever did, I knew to get help.
Xavier was my reason to live. I wouldn’t quit.
I sighed. “I’ll be fine, Xavier,” I said softly, wishing I could do more to reassure him that he could leave me alone for a few hours. I really wasn’t suicidal—had zero of those thoughts. But I knew he was worried nonetheless. He’d seen how tortured I was. And I couldn’t hide that. I was falling apart at the seams.
“Harlow—”
A light knock on the front door cut him off. I frowned, wondering why whoever was here hadn’t used my doorbell. And then, I wondered what the fuck someone was doing here at seven in the goddamn morning. It was too fucking early for visitors—not that I wanted to see anyone anyway—but seriously,seven?
Xavier walked to the door and opened it, frowning at the sight of Colwyn. Colwyn’s lips tilted up into a smile. “Mind if I come in?”
Xavier looked at me. Sighing, I nodded. Xavier stepped back, letting Colwyn slip past him before shutting the door. Colwyn turned to Xavier. “If you don’t leave now, you’re going to be late for training.”
Xavier clenched his jaw. “I’m not fucking leaving him, Colwyn.”
“Baby,” I called, drawing his eyes to me, “I’ll be fine. I promise. Just go to work. You can’t keep missing work because of me.”
