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I nodded, avoiding his eyes. He’d always been able to see right through me, and I didn’t want him to see my truth right now. “Yeah. You go.”
The three women were waiting for him, but with an unsure glance my way, he turned and met them on the path.
I watched as they disappeared into the scrub, and I sighed.
Dammit.
It was confusing, that was for sure. The way he’d look at me, or the way I’d catch him looking at me, was laced with a familiar heat. But then it was gone as quick as it had appeared.
The chemistry we’d always had was still there. The heat, the spark. The desire that saw us fall into bed far too easily. That connection had been missing from my life for five years, and it was back, itching under the surface the second I laid eyes on him.
But what good was it now?
If he did have another guy in his life, then all this anguish was for naught. But I needed to talk to him. I needed to clear the air, once and for all.
Only then would I be able to move on.
We got back to camp on dusk. Everyone had an hour or so before dinner, so I set my telescope up on the small porch in front of my tent. I could hear the low murmur of Marit and Kari talking. It wasn’t in English so I could tune them out easily. And Norah was soon punching out some Zs in her tent.
Paul’s tent was more of a luxury canvas cabin. It was still technically a non-permanent fixture, as I was certain permit restrictions insisted on in the national park, but it would take some more effort to remove his than the glamping tents. I could hear him moving around in his cabin, which I supposed was his home now. He lived out here, in the remote wilderness.
I didn’t know if I thought he was crazy or if I envied him.
I was leaning toward the latter.
I envied the hell out of him.
Not wanting to travel down that lonely road, I looked through the eyepiece of my telescope and set my sights on things far, far away.
My memories betrayed me with something Paul had said to me years ago.
You’re always focused on things so far out of reach, but you can’t see what’s right in front of you.
It was one of the last things he ever said to me. Before he left me. Before I pushed him away.
Those words haunted me still.
And maybe that was why I was here. To see what had been right in front of me.
To see what I’d lost.
Maybe part of me liked the pain...
“Whatcha looking at?” Paul’s soft voice was right beside me. I hadn’t heard him come over.
“Oh.” I sat back. “Uh, just the moon.”
“Just the moon,” he repeated. “Nothing out of this world.”
I almost smiled. “Was that a joke?”
He smirked, his eyes soft. “Can I see?”
I fixed the scope and gave him room so he could look. He was quiet for a second. “Jeez. You weren’t kidding. That’s like the actual fucking moon.”
I snorted at that. “It is.”
He was quiet for a second, his focus on the view in the telescope. “Why are you focused on that crater?”
