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“It’s not like that.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but Haven hollered, “Hazel!”
My gaze shifted to her as she ran into my arms.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she greeted.
I exchanged hugs with the rest of Ledger’s family, offering my condolences the best way I could. There was no need for random conversation.
It was pointless.
Too much had happened.
In all of our lives.
One question after another plagued my mind until I found myself in Ledger’s bedroom again. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience. A battle between the conscious me and the unconscious me. I watched from afar as a girl who looked like me stood there in a trance-like state. Going through the motions of life while feeling absolutely nothing but grief.
I wasn’t ready.
I’d never be ready for this.
I slowly walked around his bedroom, taking in all the pictures still on his walls. I was in several of them, making me smile that he hadn’t taken them down since our last encounter.
Moments later, I blankly stared out his bedroom window, remembering that night as if it was happening right then while tears streamed down my face. I mourned not only his mother's death but also the death of our friendship.
I only saw him once for a second while he was talking to the pastor, and I didn’t want to disturb them. As I continued to get lost in my memories and heartache over the whole situation, it was becoming too much for my emotions to overcome.
It seemed like it was one thing right after another.
I blinked a few more times, going through the motions when I suddenly felt a cool breeze from his bedroom door opening. I didn’t have to wonder who it was—I just knew.
I felt him.
Finding the courage, I turned around, coming face-to-face with him.
Ledger Beckham.
He looked older, dressed in a black tie and suit.
Neither of us said a word, possibly finding some peace in the silence between us.
I shyly smiled, muttering, “You never knew how to tie your tie, Ledger.” In four strides, I rested my hand on his chest before adjusting it for him. “What can I do for you?”
He didn’t utter a word, simply mirroring my shattered composure.
“I’m here. I’ll be here for—”
“I’m not a child, Hazel. I don’t need you to babysit me.”
“I know that,” I reasoned. “I’m just worried about you.”
He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
“What are you doing here?” he asked in a lifeless tone.
“Come on, don’t do this. You know why I’m here. I’m here for you.” Again, he didn’t say one word, so I added, “I just found out last night, or I would have been here sooner. I’m so sorry, Ledger.” My eyes rimmed with fresh tears as I tried to put my arms around him. “Your mother was one of a kind.”
He held me back, away from him. “Don’t do this.”
