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“I gave birth to you, remember?”
I scrub a hand over my tired eyes. “I thought we’d outgrown the whole ‘mom knows everything’ part of our relationship.”
“Never.” She laughs. “Your forehead scrunches up like a piece of foil and your eyes turn the color of steel when something is bothering you. When everything is good, they’re more silver.”
I chuckle. “So, you waited almost thirty-two years to tell me you have my moods catalogued and color-coded?”
She shrugs. “Yeah. It came in handy when you were younger. I wasn’t about to spill all my trade secrets back when you were an angsty teenager.” Her face grows serious. “So what is it? What’s going on, Davis?”
“It’s Alana,” I blurt out, staring at my sandwich like it’s a crystal ball with the answers to all of my problems.
Her eyes widen. “Oh?”
“You know about the whole wedding travel fiasco?” I ask her.
She nods. “The two of you got stranded together in some hidden town.”
“Yeah. We spent a lot of ‘alone time’ together over those few days. And I guess you could say we started getting close again.”
“And?” Mom gives me an expectant look.
“Andnow, I want her back, Mom. All of her. And she is only willing to give me her body—” I stop myself. “Sorry. TMI,” I mumble, chuckling when my mother cringes.
“We’re both adults,” she says despite her squeamish expression.
I laugh some more. “Even as a grown man, there’s no way I’m sharing the details of my sex life with my mother.”
“Thank you,” she says, relieved. “So give me the bird’s eye version. What exactly is the problem?”
I shrug. “I just want more than Alana does. I want a commitment. She wants to keep things casual. So I had to cut things off. For my own sanity. But, with the way this feels, you’d think we just got divorced all over again.”
Mom comes around her desk and sits in the chair next to mine. “I know it hurts, sweetie. But you can’t force people to give you what they don’t want to give. You can’t force Alana to be the partner you want her to be. I had to learn that with your father.”
That make sense. The whole reason my parents divorced is because Dad prioritized work above his commitments to family. Mom wanted more of his time and attention, but back then, he was solely devoted to growing his business. He wasn’t willing to give her the companionship she needed.
“As much as I wanted your father to change, I knew that I couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to. Or else he would end up resenting me. I had to allow him to evolve on his own terms.”
“How did you know he would eventually change?” I ask.
She shakes her head softly. “I didn’t,” she confesses. “I had no idea that we would ever get back together. Quite frankly, he’s lucky he was able to win me back all these years later.” Shaking her head, she chuckles. “I’m not going to lie. That man fucked up. Big time.”
I laugh.
“What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t put my life on hold for love. I had to go on, living to the fullest. That’s all you can do. You can only control the decisionsyouchoose to make. And hope that life will eventually bring you two back together.”
“Right…” I say. Then I exhale harshly. “Not gonna lie—I was kind of hoping you could just give me some kind of playbook, step by step instructions to win Alana back.”
“I’m sorry, son.” She smiles kindly. “But I’ll say this. Know your deal breakers, Davis. Do not compromise on those. Because thenyou’llresent her. But still keep your heart open to the possibility of you two finding your way back to each other.”
I frown, trying to take it all in. To me, Mom’s words just seem contradictory and well, impossible.
How do I keep my heart open but also come to terms with the fact that Alana may never be on the same page as me?How the heck do I keep hoping to win her back if I’m supposed to give her space and staying out of her life?
I can’t make sense of that.
“Ugh. Love is so complicated.” I throw my head up to the ceiling.
“Complicated, butworth it.” Mom pats me on my knee. “But in the meantime, please, please, please don’t stop living your life. Go after your dreams, baby. Don’t put your life on pause. Because you’re both still evolving. Go after what you want, grow into the person you’re meant to be, and then maybe the future Davis and the future Alana will find each other.”
