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Grammy takes me by the arm and I tenderly brush away the smudge of flour on her cheek as she guides me into the kitchen.
“Whatcha making?” I ask, noting all the ingredients scattered on the work surface.
“Just my old butter tart recipe, dear.”
I smile. “You taught me that recipe a long time ago. Back when Davis and I were still married.”
She nods. “I did. And you were pretty decent at it, too, if I remember correctly.”
“I might need to brush up on my skills,” I admit with a laugh. “It’s been a while since I tried making it.”
I’ve never been the best at baking. Whatever I make usually turns out too gooey or too dry, but I do enjoy the process, especially when I need to clear my head.
“Then come brush up.” She jerks her chin in the direction of her famous recipe book that’s sitting nearby.
I wash my hands and join her at the counter. Right as I’m about to dig in, I hear footsteps approaching. When I glance over my shoulder, I find Davis’s mom entering the kitchen.
“Noelle!” I can’t hide the surprise in my voice. After seeing her and Davis’s dad all cozy at the non-wedding reception, it looks like she might be a member of the Westbrook clan once again. That makes me smile.
“Alana!” Noelle looks just as surprised to see me as I am to see her. But she looks happy. “Oh! Hi, I didn’t realize you’d be here, too.”
We share a quick hug. “Well I didn’t plan to find myself in the kitchen,” I say. “But the minute I stepped through the door, Grammy put me to work.” I wink at the old lady.
Maude taps my but with a wooden spoon. “Stop complaining. Roll that dough.”
Noelle laughs along with us as she joins us at the counter. My soul soaks up the moment, enjoying the conversation and bonding time with two of the wisest women I know.
After a while, Noelle glances at me as she measures the flour. “Davis would kill me for prying but I can’t hold my tongue. What is this I hear about you spending time with my son recently?”
My eyes flick from Noelle to Maude. I see their genuine interest and concern as they wait for my response. For a moment, I’m hesitant to just start spilling my heart. But these women have been in my life from the time I was a teenager, giving me advice and providing me two kick ass role models to aspire to.I may not have had much of a mother figure growing up, but between Davis’s grandmotherandmom, I’m suddenly realizing how lucky I am.
I empty my soul as I work mindlessly on the dough. “Well, it started with Davis rescuing me after I got stranded on the side of the road on the way to the wedding,” I begin, reliving the experience all over from the beginning. “And then we ended up waiting out the storm together at a tiny cabin in some weird, little town. At first, it was awkward, but after a while, I started feeling close to him again.”
“And…?” Noelle prods as both women watch me expectantly.
I release a heavy sigh. “And now I’m in love with him all over again,” I confess. “He’s such a good man. Always looking out for me, even when he doesn’t have to anymore.” I shake my head. “But I’m not the perfect woman. Not by any stretch of the imagination. He doesn’t need all my drama in his life. I really should let him move on.”
Grammy harrumphs. “But is that what you want?”
“I…I love Davis, and I’ll never stop loving him. I just…” I drop the dough onto the countertop and stare at the big lumpy mess. “After things went wrong the first time, how do I work up the courage to put everything back together again?”
Noelle eyeballs me sincerely. “Well, if you want my two cents, I think it starts with one-hundred percent honesty and transparency, putting it all on the line and letting the chips fall where they may. The important things in life require the most courage, Alana. But it’s those hard things—those risks—that matter above all else. Because for better or worse, you want to know that the person you love can accept you. The real you. Not the mask you wear for the rest of the world. Therealyou.”
Davis has made it clear to me that he wants me just the way I am. He’s not asking me to cover up my scars for him. He’s offering to love me with all my imperfections. So to be completely honest with myself, if we’re not together right now, maybe it’s because I’m the one lacking in courage.
“I just don’t know how to shake this feeling that I’m not good enough for him,” I whisper, embarrassed to even utter the words out loud to these women.
“Do you have any idea how much that man loves you, Alana?” Grammy questions me. “He has never been the same since your divorce.”
I know she’s right, but it shatters me to hear it from someone else. I don’t want him to be miserable. I don’t wantbothof us to be miserable.I set him free of me so that he could live a happy life. Not so he could exist day in, day out in pain.
“I think I know,” I admit, referring to how much Davis cares. “But I don’t think I can be vulnerable with him. Not in the way he needs. It feels too scary, too much, to face those embarrassing parts of myself.”
My ex-mother-in-law shakes her head. “I can’t imagine one thing you could possibly tell him that would make him turn his back on you.”
“Did you know that when he gathered the family up to tell us that you two were splitting up, the one thing he was adamant about was making sure that we didn’t take it out on you,” Grammy informs me. “Personally, I wanted to track you down and kick your skinny little behind for hurting his heart. But Davis insisted that all the blame was his. He shouldered all the blame and responsibility. He didn’t want anyone resenting you.” She squeezes my upper arm. “Protecting you has always been Davis’s priority.”
I didn’t know Davis did that for me. That he stood up to his whole family for me, even after I hurt him. But it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. That’s just who Davis is. It’s a big part of why I’ve always loved him. Leaving him wasmyway of protectinghim.
