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The cabin of the Jeep falls quiet.My uneasiness returns in the silence that stretches between us.
I find myself not wanting to take up too much space, trying to make myself small, like if I’m quiet enough, Davis will magically forget that I’m even here. I measure my every breath and keep my movements to the strict minimum, painfully aware that things never used to feel like this between us. I think back to when it felt safe and natural to be every bit of myself in this man’s presence. But those days are long gone.
The intimacy that once lived between us always felt like a blanket draped around our backs on a chilly night in front of the fireplace. Now, in its place, there’s a chest-crushing tension pressing down on us from all angles.
This sucks.
Davis keeps his eyes on the road as the rain continues to fall, occasionally dipping his hand into his own takeout bag to grab a French fry.
For the briefest of moments, I consider holding up his food so he can keep eating while he drives. It’s what I always used to do on every road trip we ever took. He always loved it that I’d wordlessly hold his favorite dip right next to the steering wheel so he could dunk his nuggets without running us off the road.
That feels like ages ago. Back when we were a team.
Now? Helping him out in that way just feels inappropriate.
Regret weighs down my heart, and my thoughts drift off as I stare at my ex-husband.
After a while Davis glances my way, and something snaps across his face. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t offer you any fries. Do you want some?” He lifts the greasy bag in offering, eyes returning to the road.
“Oh. No, thanks.”
Crap. He probably thought I was salivating over his food when really, I was just daydreaming, lost at the intersection of Memory Lane and La La Land.
“You sure?” he questions me.
I offer a tight smile. “I’m good. Thank you.”
Another stretch of silence fills the space between us. I’m painfully aware that the only conversation I’m able to hold with Davis revolves around me thanking him. I’m pitiful. But, hey, at least we’re being cordial with each other. It could be a whole lot worse.
A few moments later, he chuckles in the seat next to me, making me jump.
“What’s funny?” I ask.
He shakes his head, still amused. “I just remember how you’d always steal my fries. I never had to offer them to you. You’d just help yourself. I started having to order double to get any fries to myself.”
“You used to get so mad.” I snicker quietly.
Shaking his head, he snorts. “I’dpretendto get mad. I could never get mad at you.”
My belly tightens.
But before I can read too much into it, Davis is backpedaling. “I just mean that I…you know…I…” He drags a big palm down his face.
Emotions rise, stealing the oxygen out of the Jeep. I know he’s as uncomfortable as I am, maybe more, seeing how his face reddens and his jaw tightens up.I wonder if he feels the same stabbing pain in the middle of his chest that I do. Like a freaking screwdriver diving and twisting into my soul.
I clear my throat, pushing aside the knot that’s forming there. “We…we don’t have to talk about it,” I tell him, letting us both off the hook.
His jaw clenches. “Yeah…we don’t have to talk about it.”
Our friendSilencereturns, bringing along all her baggage and her prickly cold shoulder.The air is so heavy, so itchy with tension.
Davis and I sit here, acting like we don’t know each other anymore, but we’re not strangers. We can’t be. We’llneverbe strangers. Which is probably even worse than if we’d never known each other at all.
Because he’ll always be imprinted on my soul. I’ll always know that he’s an amazing human being. One of a kind…And he can never be mine again.
I drop my eyes to my phone, pretending to be immersed in my email inbox even though I’m just staring mindlessly at my screen. Davis starts grumbling to himself a moment later.
My gaze shifts toward him. “What is it…?”
