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My siblings and I got split up. Since Mom doesn’t have any family of her own, Stacey, Jordan and I ended up getting shipped off to relatives of our respective deadbeat fathers. Let’s just say, god didn’t create all distant aunts and uncles equal.
As the oldest, I worried constantly about my younger siblings. About their wellbeing, about whether they were being cared for, about whether we’d ever be reunited. It was terrifying for me. Jordan was just a baby. Stacey was struggling through the first grade. They needed me. But everything was outside of my control.
When Mom finally got out of jail and managed to get us back in her custody, I took it on as my duty to ensure that the system would never have a reason to stick its nose in my family’s business again.
Unfortunately for us all, our mother didn’t make it her duty to become a better mom, though.
The result? I’ve been in a state of constant anxiety for years, always trying to keep everything together, needing to make sure that the social workers never had a reason to intervene again. That meant hiding my mom’s dirt. Doing her bidding. Sweeping her transgressions under the rug.
Davis drops his head, staring into the bottom of his plastic cup. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not fair to ask you to choose.”
“You’re super close with your family,” I argue softly, knowing that I’m making a weak point. “You should understand how hard it is to just cut mine off.”
The comparison isn’t fair. Forget apples and oranges. Comparing the Westbrooks to the Haywoods is like comparing apples to cactus fruits.
Davis yanks on his wavy hair again. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me. It’s just—spending all this time with you is bringing up feelings I thought I’d dealt with a long time ago.”
“I understand,” I say softly. “This is hard for me, too.”
He plants his elbows on his knees and lets his head hang. “Look—I don’t want us to be mad at each other. Okay? I like that we’re sort of…friends.”
“I like that we’re sort of friends, too.” I exhale. “And I want you to be happy…even if it means seeing you with someone new.”
“I want you to be happy, too.” His head swings my way and his shoulders droop. “But I’m sorry, Alana, I can’t say that I’d ever be okay seeing you with another man. I know it’s a fucked up thing to say, but it’s the truth.”
I’d admit the exact same thing to him if I weren’t afraid that it would hold him back. I don’t want to keep his hope alive because I don’t want him putting his life on hold for me any longer.
A middle-aged woman with a crown of flowers and a tie-dye skirt comes and sets up nearby. She perches on her stool and starts strumming her guitar while singing a hauntingly beautiful folk song. Slowly, couples start pairing up, swaying back and forth in the grass in time with the melody.
Davis takes my empty cup from me and slips it inside his own. He tosses them both into a nearby recycling bin before leading me to the impromptu dance floor. “Come here. I wanna dance with you.”
I should protest, I should argue that dancing is a bad idea. We’re already in too deep and each moment we spend together only drags us deeper.
But instead of resisting him, I let him gather me up in his big arms. Because the truth is, I’m a little bit in love with the illusion of being his tonight.
My arms come around his back and the warmth of his body engulfs me. I look up into his eyes, trying to ignore the way his stare gives me a sugar rush.
“Why do you always look at me like that?” Davis asks, a small smile playing on his lips.
“Like what?” I mirror his smile, my fingers lifting to scratch his scruffy chin.
His fingertips brush the hair from my forehead. “From behind your bangs. You’re like a sneaky neighbor peeking through the curtains.”
Because if I look at you straight-on, you’ll see that I still love you as much as I did on our wedding day.
He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip and searches my eyes. “Seriously, though—you look like you have something to say.”
I pause for a moment and then I speak quietly. “Can’t we just stay here in this weird nourishing town with these strange friendly people forever?”
“Oh, Princess…” He brushes his lips across my forehead. “I wish we fucking could.”
I sigh, resting my head against his collarbone. His heart beats deafeningly loud and I wonder if he’s feeling all the confusing things that I feel.
My mind tries to drift to the future that awaits us when we leave Starlight Falls, but I pull it back, only allowing my thoughts to linger in the present.
We stay like that for a while, swaying to and fro in each others arms. Then, with his forefinger on my chin, Davis lifts my face so I’m looking directly at him. “Fine,” he says softly. “I lied. I was jealous, okay? When I saw you talking to those guys earlier, I got jealous. Are you happy now?”
I bite down on my lower lip, trying to hold back my own confession. Still, it breaks free. “I lied, too. I don’t like the idea of you with someone new. I hate the thought that, one day you’ll fall in love with someone else. And I know it’s selfish of me. But it’s the truth.”
