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“Karli, I can’t stay.” I shake my head.
“What do you mean?”
“This thing between us, I’m not sure it’s good for either one of us. We need to take a step back.”
“A step back?” she parrots. “What? You don’t mean that.”
“We weren’t thinking clearly when we started this. We weren’t thinking clearly.”
The more I speak, the more I see panic rising in Karli’s eyes. It hurts. Seeing her hurt, hurts me. So I look away.
“What are you saying, Mason?” Karli grabs the front of my shirt, both of her fists knotting in the fabric. “Where is this coming from?” she demands. “I thought you wanted…us…”
I try to stay cold and detached. Impossible to do that when the person who sets my soul on fire is standing right in front of me. “We can’t continue like this. Not before we take the time to seriously reflect on what we’re doing. We need to take a break to think things through.”
“What are you saying?” she cries. “Felix! Felix—what did Felix do? What bullshit did he say to you?”
I finally bring my gaze back to her. “Felix made me open up my freaking eyes and see the truth about what’s happening between us, Karli.”
After speaking with the Brighton brothers, I could see my old patterns clearly. It made me question my actions. Am I really in love? Or am I just back in my same old toxic loop with a different woman this time?
“The truth?” Karli spits out. “The truth is that we love each other,” she says stubbornly as tears pool in her eyes. “The truth is that we were both lost when we met each other, but we helped each other find the way back. That’s what makes our story so special. The truth is that you were the beacon that led me back to myself when I was lost. That’s what you mean to me. Don’t I mean anything to you?”
Fuck. She loves me. Isn’t that what she just said? She loves me?
I close my eyes, trying to get ahold of the pain radiating through me. This pain is not just in my head. It’s everywhere. Every part of me aches to just say ‘fuck it’ and be with her.
But in the thick of all these emotions, it’s hard to think straight. That’s why I need space.
Her soft hand cups my cheek, forcing me to look at her. “Remember what you said to me that day when we were walking in the woods? We each helped each other find ourselves. That felt special to me. The only time I don’t feel lost is when I’m with you, Mason. We have to be together. I don’t care what anyone says. We have to be together.”
I take her hand, pressing my lips to the center of her palm. “I need space to think, Karli. I need to make sure that it’s the healed version of me that’s choosing you. Not the version of me that always needs a project to work on or a person to fix.”
Karli gasps and there’s so much agony in the sound. Her expression completely shatters. “A project? You see me as a project?”
I’m fucking this up. Hardcore. Saying all the wrong words. “What I mean is, if we’re going to be together, you deserve the best version of me. Not the version who’s acting out my old patterns and playing out the old scripts that I’m used to. I’d never forgive myself if we carry on with this and I realize down the road that my motives aren’t right.”
The sound that escapes her is a mix of a laugh and a sob. “Why is it so hard to talk to you right now? It’s like you’re determined to be an asshole about this? Like you’re trying to hurt me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Karli. Which is exactly why we should take some time to regroup.”
She looks at me tearfully, gripping my arms with all her strength. “I’m in love with you. And I’m scared. Please, just hold me and tell me we can make this right.”
I take a step back. “We can’t. Not like this.”
“Mason…”
“Look, Karli. Let’s not do this right now, okay? Not right here.”
When I say that, she pauses. She searches my eyes, long and hard. Whatever she finds there is the final straw that convinces her to let go.
“Fine,” she says simply, stepping away. “You’re right. We…we should move on. Put this mistake behind us. Forget we ever happened.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” I shake my head. I could never forget these past few weeks we spent together.
“Yeah, right.” She sniffles quietly, getting herself together. “You got fired because of me. You lost your best friend because of me. And here I am asking you to choose me again over everything.” She laughs bitterly. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Karli, you’re taking this the wrong way.”
