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“Then what way should I take it, Mason? Tell me. Because from the looks of it, it’s the same old story that always plays out inmylife. My defects reared their ugly head. Everything blew up in our faces. Deep down, you probably blame me for losing your job, and everything. And now you’re running away from me.”
God, no. She’s got it all wrong. I grab her shoulders, my chest splitting in two. “Don’t say that.”
“I don’t need your pity.” She shrugs out of my hold. “I’m fine. Really. I’ll be fine, like I always am.” She wipes at her eyes, pulling herself together.
I open my mouth, but the bullshit that comes to my head isn’t worth saying out loud.I do love you. You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. I don’t know how the hell I’ll ever get over the way I feel about you.
Saying those things won’t fix a thing. It’s not what she needs to hear.
With her head down, Karli backs away from me, one footstep at a time until she bumps into the hood of her car. Then she turns around and sinks behind the wheel.
And I let her go. She drives out of the parking lot, taking the road back toward town. I’m left standing there like an idiot, staring after her car, trying to figure out what the hell just happened here.
When I came to this town, I wanted to be a man who put his interests first. Above all else. A man who stopped making detrimental decisions in the name of love. Isn’t that what I just did here today?
New town. New Mason.
Problem is, I’m not so sure I like this new version of myself.
50
MASON
Idrive around Honey Hill feeling like a failure. It’s been like this every hour of the past three days since I got back here.
I failed.
Miserably.
Nothing went to plan in Starlight Falls.
Not only did I lose the job that was supposed to be my new beginning. I also lost the girl who means absolutely everything to me, too.
Felix was right to kick me out. After all, I took a piss all over the bro code. I betrayed him. Now, look at my dumpster fire of a life.
But the question that’s haunting me now—did I make the right decision in that motel parking lot? Telling Karli I’m not sure I really want to be with her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it was the biggest lie, too.
I’m sure I want her. I want her so much it’s hard to breathe. I just don’t know if I’m being a selfish asshole for wanting her, if I took advantage of her situation.
Anyway, I have no idea what’s my next move. It’s not like I can get my old job back at the clinic here in Honey Hill. That’s not even an option. I burned that bridge to the ground when I told my ex-boss to suck his own dick and then slammed the door in his face. The dramatic exit felt good at the time but I’m sort of regretting it now.
As for my house, I don’t want to go back there, either. It just doesn’t feel…right. Every part of my soul knows I don’t belong there.
Traveling past the familiar landmarks of Honey Hill feels like driving through a foreign land. Because my heart isn’t here anymore. I left it in the palm of Karli Brighton’s hand.
So now, I’m just here, aimlessly driving around. No job, no girl, no best friend. This is a shitshow. I really outdid myself this time.
Maybe I should just turn around. Maybe I should march back into Starlight Falls and fight for the life I want. A life with Karli.
But wouldn’t that be counterproductive? Wouldn’t it be like taking a step backward? I’m making a genuine effort to break my shitty patterns. I can’t go sniffing around Karli unless I’m absolutely sure of myself. Unless I have a plan for moving forward.
I’m stopped at a red light in the heart of town when the metaphysical shop catches my eye. Without thinking, I swerve to the side of the road and reverse into a parking spot right outside of the shop’s front door. To be honest, I’m not even sure what I’m hoping to find in here. My heart is thundering as I barrel through the door, right into a cloud of incense smoke.
I startle Ziggy where she’s arranging beaded jewelry on a display rack by the cash register. She jumps. “Mason!” She observes my face for a moment. Her welcoming expression drops in an instant. “What did you do…?” she asks accusingly.
I eyeball her defensively. “Why do you assume thatIdid something?” I answer her question with a question. Like a mature adult who values clear communication. Obviously.
“Well, for one, your aura is the color of sewer water so let’s start there.”
