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“This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come here.” I turn for the door.
“Oh, come on.” She chases after me. All the way out to the sidewalk. “You need my help. Or else you wouldn’t have stopped by. Admit it.”
This girl has always sort of spooked me out. But at the same time, I’ve always found myself inexplicably drawn to her shop in my low moments.
With a huge sigh, I face her.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she demands kindly.
The harsh truth rushes out of my lungs. “Everything’s all fucked up, Ziggy.”
She shuffles over to a nearby bench on the sidewalk. “Sit,” she commands me.
Gosh, she’s bossy. But in a really, really nice way. It’s weird. How does that even work?
Reluctantly, I drag myself over there, dropping like a sad brick onto the bench.
“What’s weighing you down?” she asks me, even though the twinkle in her eye tells me she already intuitively knows the answer to her question.
“I lost my job. I lost my friend. And worst of all, I lost my girl. All in one fell swoop.”
“Karli?” she asks wisely.
I nod. Although Karli was never really my girl, was she? Not officially, anyway. I never sealed the deal with her. I feel a singeing ache of regret in my chest at that realization.
“What happened?” Ziggy demands.
“She’s my best friend’s sister. And my best friend is—well,was—my boss at the clinic. When he found out I was sneaking around with her behind his back, he basically sent me packing.”
Ziggy nods slowly. “Wow. You got yourself a three-for-one special, didn’t you?”
I chuckle. “Pretty much.” I pull in a breath. I told him that I love her and he didn’t believe me. And now, I’m questioning whether I really do. I’m questioning everything.”
“Why would you question your feelings?” she asks me.
“I guess that, after making the same mistake over and over again in the love department—after repeatedly finding myself in the same situation where I’m trying to fix someone who doesn’t love me, all in the hopes that fixing her will influence the way she feels about me—now I don’t know if I can trust myself to make good choices.”
Seriously, I love Karli. But how do I know that I love her for the right reasons? Not just because I’m trying to fix her or out of some twisted need for control?
The mystic nods. “It’s understandable that you’d be scared to repeat your old mistakes.” She chews on the corner of her lip. “But let me ask you something. Do you think that Karli loves you back?”
I search my heart, all the way down to the bottom. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“And why’s that?” Ziggy asks.
“Why do I think she loves me?”
The psychic nods.
After dragging in a breath, I say, “She listens. I could sit there and ramble on, and she’d listen. And she takes it seriously. She appreciates the things I do for her. She’s always trying to help me find solutions. We problem-solve together.” I drop my head and shake it. “When we’re together, we’re a team. It’s not just one person pulling all the weight. We pull together. When I’m with her, it doesn’t matter if I’m in a good place or in a bad place…when I’m with her I know I’m not alone. That’s something I’ve never had with anyone else.” I rub the back of my neck as I speak. “And she actually wants to grow. As much as I do. I can see us growing together. We’re on the same page about so many things. And when I close my eyes, I see such a bright future for us.”
Ziggy sets a hand on my shoulder. “If that’s what love feels like to you, why can’t it be enough? Why does it matter whether your asshole friend believes it or not?”
I scratch my forehead. “I guess…I guess…”
Ziggy’s shoulders lift then they fall on a drawn-out exhale. “Look, Mason. The problem is that you don’t trust your judgment. Which is perfectly normal considering what you’ve been through in the past. But you’re ready to move on, aren’t you? You’re ready to leave that old energy behind?”
“I am.” Fine. I fucked things up with Felix. But what I feel for Karli is the truth. What I feel for Karli is love. And Felix’s wrath doesn’t change that. Not in the slightest.
