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As I predicted,the funeral hurt.
Not a single one of us made it through without at least one tear escaping. It would shock me that even Luca and Declan succumbed to their emotions in public, but I don’t know how anyone could have escaped the crushing emotion Rachel exuded.
Her grief filled the room, infecting every person there with her pain as if it was a living entity. Impossible to not be affected by the raw anguish on her face as she tried to make it through his eulogy.
For the first time since I met Rachel, she didn’t wear a mask in a crowd. Her facade broke and withered away as she stood on that stage in front of his photo and spoke to everyone gathered about who Alec was to her.
Alec deserves all of our tears, but so does Rachel. She deserves for us to be feeling her pain right there at her side. So not one of us held back in showing her our pain over losing him, and the absolute torment we feel for her. With her.
Of course we had to comfort her the best way we know how. Well, the best way I know how. The guys may have had better ideas, but I thought Rachel would appreciate mine the most.
That’s how we ended up in the office, drunk off our asses as we discuss the most brutal ways we can kill Romano. Randomly giving each other points on the white board for creativity. It’s impossible to not let my eyes wander over to Alec’s name every few minutes and remember how offended he was that we hadn’t thought to include them in our little game.
Rachel sighs as her head drops down to the table. Her eyes linger on the board and I get the sense she’s having similar thoughts to my own.
I didn't think I could hurt more for her, but as I watch her eyes fill with tears as she stares at his name, as she gives a humorless laugh and asks, “If Scar lost ten points for getting stabbed in the thigh, how many does Alec lose for getting blown up and leaving me?” I break that much more for her.
Everyone else stares in stunned silence, not sure how to respond but I chuckle. Sometimes life is too hard, too dark to not find the humor in it. It’s probably not sane but it’s how we cope. “All of them,” I whisper back. “Bastard doesn’t get any points for this bullshit.”
Rachel starts laughing. Jade’s the first to laugh with her. Slowly everyone else joins, shaking their heads at us, but not one person actually moves to take away his points. I don’t think any of us will ever be able to erase them now. Rachel keeps laughing until she starts crying. The loud cackles slowly shifting into huge sobs.
I rest my head against her shoulder, silently passing her the whiskey. She huffs through her tears. I don’t know what to say to her though. Don’t know how to fix this.
If I lost one of my guys, I wouldn’t be handling it as well as she is. I probably would have already killed everyone in this room if I were her. I don’t know how to make her feel better. I can only hand her alcohol and promise her blood and violence.
“Want to talk more about murder?” I ask her. She snorts and Ryder is immediately handing her a tissue so she can blow her nose. “I do have some good news about Romano.”
She lifts her head to look at me. I haven’t brought it up because Alec deserved all of our attention to be focused on him. I also knew Rachel wasn’t ready to think about anything past today. About getting through this goodbye.
She sniffles and her eyes droop as she stares at me for a moment. “We haven’t seen hides or tails of Romano. Wait what?” She stops and questions herself. The rest of us exchange looks, doing our best not to smile.
“That’s not right,” she mutters. Ryder reaches over and silently grabs the bottle of whiskey from her hands. “Heads or tails,” she exclaims. “That’s it. Anyone have a quarter? Is that how we’re finding Romano?”
I smother my laugh into my hands. I’ve grown to truly adore Rachel. One of the people I respect and even admire most in the world, but never did I think she could be this cute.
“I think you meant the saying hide nor hair.”
“Hmm,” she hums, scrunching her nose and squinting her eyes. “No, I’m pretty sure we need a quarter.”
“Rach, remember we put a tracker on him?” I try to remind her gently.
“Oh my god,” she sighs dramatically. “You did do that. You’re so smart,” she murmurs, her hand reaching out for me. She starts petting my hair, there’s no point of even trying to cover up my amusement at this point.
“You don’t even need a quarter to find someone.”
I chuckle lightly. “You want to watch the video I have of him finding Ciar’s body?”
“Oh,” she gasps. “I forgot you did that. I forgot,” she trails off. I squeeze her arm.
“Romano’s pain will make you feel better,” I say as I nod to Noah. He starts the projector so the video starts playing on the big screen we've set up since we started spending more time here than any other room in the house.
Rachel hums under breath as she continues to twirl a piece of my hair. I think she may have drank more than I realized.
The video isn’t the best quality, but it’s clear enough to easily see where Joe left Ciar on the bed in the middle of the hotel room. It’s nicer than your average hotel, but not near the quality I would expect from Romano. He’s always been the flashy type of rich. When you believe wholeheartedly that money is power, you make sure everyone knows just how much you have.
This room makes me question just how well Romano was actually holding up against our attacks. Was choosing this place out of necessity due to lack of funds? Or to hide his movements better?
It’s a question I may never get the answer to, but I don’t really need one, I guess.
