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Roe’s giggles fill the room while we all look on with smiles. I pant to catch my breath as Scar finally puts our girl down and Roe starts moving down the line with hugs and kisses.
She finally gets to me and reaches her little arms up above her head, silently asking to be lifted. My grin grows as I pick her up. She places her tiny little hands on my cheeks and whispers, “Hi, Daddy.”
It’s hard to feel broken when she stares at me like that. Hard to remember the blood we’ve all been soaked in. She makes me just feel like her dad. Like that is the only thing in the world that truly matters. I guess, in a way, it really is.
I rub the tip of my nose against hers and we’re all treated to her sweet giggles once more.
“Hi, Roe baby,” I whisper back.
Charlene comes out from the kitchen, an apron already tied around her waist. “Good, you guys are just in time. We’re making cookies.”
Kade oos as he leads the rest of us into the kitchen. He moves so fast I just barely catch him claiming the cookie dough is the best part. No arguments from me, but Charlene smacks his shoulder. I think she would have gone for his head, but it would be a bit of a stretch for her.
Roe starts chattering in my arms about her day and what her and the boys have been up to. It’s amazing when I think about how far this little girl has come in the time since I first met her. Though, that could be said about all of us.
A lot has changed over these last several months. Almost scarily so. It often feels like we’ve always been together. Like life before Scar and Roe and the guys are just a dream I had a long time ago.
It feels good to have a family, to have found a place to belong, people to cherish. But I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt too. My life wasn’t glamorous before, but it was mine. Jen and I found our bits of happiness in places that maybe other people wouldn’t have thought to look.
I don’t want the memories and the moments I shared with her, shared with my mom before she died to fade away. I want to be someone new without totally losing who I was. I don’t even know if that’s wholly possible or if it even makes sense to anyone other than me.
I tune back into what Roe is saying as she tells me about a massive fort they built today with Joe. It sounds like they are still doing their best to try and keep the four of these kids as entertained as possible. It can’t be easy when they’re only leaving the house for school. They haven’t even been playing outside as much. This backyard isn’t as big as the one they were used to at Joe and Charlene’s home. This one is much more secure. For the peace of mind of everyone, it has to be this way.
“Where are the boys?” I ask Roe, realizing just how quiet it actually is for the first time. I also don’t have any other children attached to my legs as I walk into the kitchen. That just might be a first for me.
Roe blushes, getting a slightly guilty look as she looks away and refuses to meet my eyes.
“Rowan Jane,” I warn.
She turns back to me but looks over my shoulder. I catch Scar and Kade smirking at us and know they’re watching the whole interaction. All of a sudden Roe’s eyes drop and she’s looking at my chest instead of over my shoulder. I can only assume one of the others stood in her line of sight. Therein lies the downfall of having six parents. If she ever complains about it, we will just have to remind her that she quite literally chose each one of us herself.
I shake my head, trying to tamp down the smile trying to form. She’s clearly guilty of something and I don’t want to give her the wrong idea that whatever she did is okay if it isn’t. Granted, we have quite a different idea of acceptable behavior. But how can I know if she doesn’t tell me?
I look up to find Charlene watching in amusement. I get the feeling she already knew Roe was hiding something and has been waiting for her to make it right. It isn’t like her to not be honest.
“You wanna tell me what is making you feel so bad, butterfly?”
Her head snaps up, her little eyes wide in shock. “How did you know I have bad feelings?”
Nope. No Ryder. Be strong. You can’t smile, no matter how freaking cute she is. I have to stay serious. I roll my lips until I feel in control of my facial expressions again.
“How do you know when Mommy is happy?” I ask her instead of answering.
She tilts her head to the side, obviously confused about why I’m asking her a question instead of answering the one she already asked. “Momma has a big smile when she’s happy. And she gets happy lines here,” she explains as her fingertips press to the corner of my eyes.
“Oh,” I say slowly. “So you can tell by her face? How she looks?” She nods eagerly. “That’s how I know you’re having bad feelings right now,” I explain.
I can see her thinking as she processes my words. “So I look bad?” she asks.
I hear a few chuckles throughout the room. I don’t bother to stop my smile either. “Not quite, butterfly. But when I asked you where the boys were, your smile went away. Your eyes dropped to the floor and your little cheeks turned red.”
She nods again, an inquisitive look still in her eyes. “That’s how you knew I had bad feelings?”
“That’s right. Makes me think that you might feel bad about why the boys are wherever they are. Am I right?”
Her eyes dart to the left where Scar is before turning back to me. I’m not sure if she’s comforted that her mom is here, or if she doesn’t want to admit the truth in front of her mom.
“I don’t ever like when my friends are in timeout.” The red on her cheeks only intensifies. Charlene has to put a hand over her mouth to muffle the slight chuckle.
