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Hudson closes the book and throws it back on the table as if it’s burned him. Ashton falls into a chair as he shakes his head, muttering, “None of this makes sense.”
I jump to my feet, pacing back and forth. “It’s written right there for you to read, Ash. In black and fucking white. She was tired of us. She realized what we all always knew. She was too good for us.”
“But Carson?” he demands. “What else was she going to say? Why did he get angry at her before break? Just what the fuck did she deserve?”
He’s getting worked up all over again, but none of it does us any good.
“I need to get the fuck out of here,” I murmur. I need alcohol and quickly.
“What do we do now?” Hudson asks quietly. None of us have an answer for him. Do we want to hurt Brielle? Revenge for all the heartache she’s caused us? Do we want to protect her? If we do, who are we protecting her from? Her boyfriend she obviously misses? Or the friends she tried to leave in her past who stalked her into her future? We’re the bad guys here.
Eli fidgets with his sleeves, pulling them back down as he cracks his neck. “Same as we were doing. We keep Carson busy and away from her as much as we can. We watch her. Until we can find out if she’s truly safe and happy with him. Maybe talk to her roommate and see her opinion. She’s like a little guard dog.”
“And if she is?” I demand. “If she is happy and safe with Carson, then what?”
The room is heavy with silence, no one wanting to say the words we all know are coming. We can’t deny our desire to protect our girl runs deep. Too deep for us to continue to ignore.
“We walk away,” Eli whispers.
“We start over,” Hudson agrees, not looking up from where he fidgets with his hands in his lap.
“Without her,” I add, my lungs constricting as I force the words out.
We all turn to look at Ash.
“For now.”
ChapterThirty-Nine
Guilt clawsup my throat as I storm out of the house, choking me as I fight against tears.
I wasn’t ready for us to end either. I’m still not. But how will they ever be able to forgive me for everything I’ve said? Everything I’ve lied about to them?
I rush back to my dorm room. I don’t have the time to get sidetracked any longer. I need to make myself presentable so I can meet up with Carson. I can’t rely on anyone else to get me out of this mess.
Getting ready takes less time than usual because I can’t afford to keep him waiting. Each swipe of my makeup adds another layer to my shield. Images of myself from Carson’s computer are burned into my mind. Bile rises up my throat but I force it down.
It’s just another mask.
I ring my eyes in slightly thicker eyeliner as I prepare myself to act as if nothing has changed. Carson wants me weak and pliable, easy to use, easy to manipulate. Catering to his every need. I fall in line, I soothe his fragile ego, I’ll fly under his radar for that much longer.
My fingertips press into the purple blotches that cover my ribs that are only now starting to lighten and fade. I wince as pain flares. I’m mostly able to ignore the constant ache now. Become so accustomed to it, that it’s only the sudden sharp pains that draw my attention. I grab my prescription and swallow down two pills. They definitely help as well. I don’t know if I would have been able to make it through my worst weeks without them. At least the week away from him has given me enough of a break that I could show the guys my arms and legs to get them to back off. I bite down on my lip. What would have happened if I had told them everything today?
Flashes of them being arrested and dragged off to jail assault my mind. I close my eyes as my chest constricts. It isn’t worth the risk. If they knew, they would choose life in prison over me ever being in the same room as Carson ever again. I can't let them sacrifice their whole lives. Not when I know I can fix this.
I pull my sweater on, grab a jacket, and slip into my modest nude heels before grabbing a matching purse and head out. I check my phone to confirm the time and nod to myself. I should arrive right on time.
It’s a short, brisk walk and I pull my jacket on as they chill in the air penetrates my sweater and digs deep into my bones. I hold my head high even though I feel as if I’m marching towards my execution.
I make it to the restaurant just in time to see Carson pull up into the valet. Perfect. I wait and watch as he gets out of the car, throwing the keys at the attendant, before his eyes land on mine. His scowl tells me everything I need to know about how this date is going to go for me.
I drop my eyes to the ground, smiling as he approaches me.
“Hi, Darling,” he greets, wrapping a possessive arm around my waist.
I rise up on my tip toes and press a kiss to his cheek. “Missed you.” I force the words out, but somehow manage to keep my tone light. His body instantly eases at my side, his cold blue eyes lighting up in surprised delight. Of course he wouldn’t be skeptical. I’ve been laying the groundwork, stopped fighting back, been feeding into his delusion. It’s why I can’t be caught with the guys now.
I’ve lost parts of myself I know I will never get back, but survival is all that matters. I’m always only ever one bad move from losing everything.
