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“Only one way to find out,” Hudson declares, oblivious to the tension he breaks up between our other two friends. I eye the both of them, but they are pointedly not looking at the other now.
Hudson turns to the first page and starts reading aloud:
June 4th
Summer before college. It’s supposed to be this great transitional time in all of our lives. I don’t feel much different though. Everything is laid out perfectly in front of me. Everything I have planned for years easy to obtain. Every day is much the same as it has always been. My friends, our bets and rewards. Will we continue them once we get to school?
I’ve never really journaled before but this seemed as good of a time to start as any. Right before a new adventure is supposed to start. But just how new is this next year going to be?
“Skip ahead a few pages,” Eli instructs, gaining yet another glare from Ash, but Hudson nods. That first entry is from before our incident. The night that changed everything.
June 9th
Well today was unexpected. Some of it anyways. Hanging out with the guys and V was the same as ever. I love them, I really do. But each day with them blurs together a little bit. It feels like we’ve done everything there is to do together. Even as the guys start to make the bets a little more outrageous, it feels like maybe we are getting too childish for these games. Maybe my mom was right.
Agreeing with my mom is always a surprise. We’re so different from each other. But maybe that was just my immaturity speaking. I saw Carson today, and it felt different. It hasn’t been that long since school ended, since I saw him last. So why did it feel so different this time?
My heart stops beating in my chest. Hudson stops reading to look up at each one of us in question. This isn’t a Brielle any of us knows. She was doubting us. Before that night. We’ve been blaming what happened for changing everything between us, but Brielle was already pulling away from us. Was already looking at Carson differently.
“That can’t be right,” Ash mutters. “She was still herself with us. She seemed totally happy.” He looks to Eli before turning to us, as if one of us will have an answer for him. I thought she was our sunshine all the way up until the instagram post. I never even had suspicions of her growing bored with us. Feeling as if we were immature.
“Keep reading.” Eli’s voice is as tense as his body, one strong wind and he just may break in half. Hudson swallows thickly, an indent in his brows as he turns a few more pages.
June 12th
Carson asked me out. I said yes but I lied to the guys about it. I know they don’t like him but I want to give him a chance anyway. I think maybe he’s exactly what I could need to change things.
“Skip ahead,” Elias spits out through gritted teeth.
June 16th
I don’t know what to do. Carson doesn’t think we can be together as long as I’m friends with the guys. He treats me so well. Always so affectionate and caring. Attentive. I’ve never had anyone care for me the way he does. It’s like I am the very center of his whole world. Isn’t it only fair that I reciprocate that?
I love the guys. Love the friendship we have built. But Carson says sometimes you outgrow people. Maybe that’s what’s happening. I’m going to see them tonight. It’s my turn to complete a bet. Maybe I’ll tell them afterwards. At least just put some distance between us. I’m sure they will understand. It’s so I can be happy with my boyfriend. I have to put his needs first if I’m going to be a good girlfriend.
June 17th
Carson wasn’t happy with the prank the guys made me do last night. He was so angry. Everything got so crazy, I had no chance to ever tell the guys that I wanted some space. I don’t think that would be enough to appease him now. He’s so angry that we’ve been hiding. He thinks I’m choosing them over him. He wants me to prove that I’m not. I don’t know if it’s the right decision. I don’t want to hurt the guys. But I can’t lose Carson already. We just started but I think we might really be something good.
It’s time to end the bets. Once and for all.
“Dammit,” Eli curses, picking up a vase and throwing it against the wall. Even the shattering of the glass has nothing against the fissures forming in my heart, tearing me wide the fuck open at hearing Hudson’s voice waver more and more with every word. How could this be the truth we were all so desperately seeking? Believing in despite our best efforts not to have any more faith in her?
“Go to the most recent one,” Ash whispers. For some reason he’s still holding out hope.
Hudson clears his throat.
December 7th
I’m worried Carson is mad at me. I know how busy he is with everything going on with his father and their companies. It feels like everything is crashing and burning around us. Like no one wants us to be happy. But I thought he still loved me. Thought it was going to be okay.
He isn’t calling as much as he used to. There was a time he never let me go to bed without hearing his voice, but I’ve barely heard from him since he left the Thanksgiving gala in a rush. We have a date today so I’m hoping we can get back to our normal selves. I miss him.
After what happened before he left for break, I can’t help but be worried that maybe he isn’t completely over it. I understand his anger. I know I deserved it. I just hate when we fi
“That’s it,” Hudson says. “It stops mid word.”
I hang my head in my hands. “We got him away from her just for her to miss him.”
