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ChapterForty-One
Fear.Shame. Dread.
A potent mix of emotions rises in me as my eyes lock on the little book in Ashton’s hands. How the fuck did he even get ahold of that? How much has he read?
No. Don’t go there.
I force myself to breathe in through my nose, hold for three, out through my mouth. Again and again until I can finally hear myself think over the sound of my erratic heartbeat. He can’t have read all of it. He can’t have read even most of it. Or maybe any of it. If he did, there’s no way he would be sitting here so calmly.
“Give it to me,” I demand. He’s already shaking his head, slipping the little book with the worst possible words I ever could have put on paper back into his pocket. So innocuous, but it could ruin everything.
“You win,” I whisper. “I’ll tell you everything. Just don’t,” I hesitate. How do I even put into words what that book contains? “Don’t read it,” I plead. “And if you already have, then just…” I swallow thickly, trying to read the expression on his face. He must have realized what he has. They must have seen something. “Just know that there’s a mix of both truths and lies in there.”
Ash stares at me, so much pain and longing in his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, Bri,” he whispers, caressing my cheek. “But I can’t stand to sit back and watch the damage you’re inflicting on yourself any longer. Even if you hate me, it’ll be worth saving you.”
My eyes grow misty and I huff a frustrated cough. Of course he would get it so fucking well, while completely missing the point. It’s okay now though. I can tell them, tell them the plan. Everything is set up so perfectly, all the pieces in place, all they have to do is hold their positions. I can tell them and trust them enough to not ruin everything. I can do that.
“Get the others,” I whisper back, leaning into his touch. “I didn’t mean to destroy us, but I’ll tell you everything so maybe you guys can understand. It’ll all make sense in just a little while.”
He grabs my hand as I pull away. “Come with me,” he argues. “Come with me to get the guys and we can put an end to this for good.” I shake my head, pulling my hand out of his. If Carson sees me talking to them, things could get worse before I have the chance to make my final move.
“I’ll meet you outside,” I promise. I rush away from him, not giving him the chance to respond. He will understand in just a few moments, they all will. Fear slithers down my spine at the thought of their reactions. Just how much do I tell them? Everything? I squeeze my eyes shut and steel my nerves. I don’t have time to waver. I need to make my excuse and leave so I can call Shelby and make sure everything is in place. We might have to act a little sooner than we had intended.
I don’t look back to see what Ashton is doing. I have to trust that he listened to my words, that he still believes in me enough to not follow me and just meet me outside with the others. A scene in the ballroom is the very last thing any of us need.
Spotting my parents across the room, I gather my dress in my hand so I can rush over to them without tripping. People try to stop me and talk but I just keep my polite smile in place and nod to them as I continue making my way through the crowd.
My mom turns to me and smiles brightly. “Hi, Sweetheart. Was wondering where you disappeared off to.”
I kiss her on the cheek. “Just got caught up in a conversation, but,” before any lie or explanation can pour from my lips, the one person I have been trying to evade interrupts.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” Vanessa accuses with a smile as she appears at their side, and I have to force myself to smile in return as my heart hammers against my ribcage. My best friend in the flesh and not through a phone screen. On Thanksgiving, we were both so caught up in our excitement of seeing each other face to face, catching up on superficial stuff, she never had the chance to push any of the other issues. Dig into all the secrets and lies I’ve been keeping.
I knew my luck wouldn’t continue through the winter break. Too much time with Carson too occupied to tighten my leash. I’ve had no choice but to dodge her phone calls or risk telling her everything.
I shake my head in defense, “Of course I haven’t been avoiding you,” I lie. A sour taste coating my tongue as I do so. A horrible and rotten lie. She eyes me knowingly, seeing through my bullshit immediately, but not calling me out on it in front of my parents. “I’ve just been busy, but we will catch up soon, I promise.” I just need to get to the guys, explain my plan, and see it through. Then I can come back to Vanessa and beg for her forgiveness for me being such a shitty friend lately.
“It’s okay, I forgive you,” she shrugs with a smile. “Plus it was only a matter of time before I tracked you down myself, I would have seen you sooner than you think.” Her casual teasing brings a real smile to my face as my mom and dad laugh at her breezy carefree attitude.
She hasn’t changed in the slightest and it’s nice to know that I can still count on her to have my back, even if she doesn’t know it. “You always were my better half,” I joke, but then I hesitate as I watch her smile drop and my parents tense behind her. A hand wraps around my waist and I freeze in realization.
Cold lips press against my cheek and I forget everything about what I was about to do. “I think you’re right, Darling,” he praises. My mind spins in confusion trying to grasp where he’s going with this. “Now is the perfect time.”
My dad’s eyes narrow. “Perfect time for what?” he demands, glaring at where Carson’s hand tightens around my hip, but he’s already pulling me away. I try to ease their worry with a smile, but can’t force myself to do anything else. I don’t even know what I could do. I’m as confused as they are.
“What are you doing?” I ask in a whisper, letting him drag me away from my parents.
His fingers dig into my skin and I struggle to maintain my smile as we continue moving toward the front of the ballroom where the musicians are located. “I promise you, Brielle, now is not the time to start misbehaving.”
My stomach begins to roil at the familiar threat. Nothing good ever comes afterward. One more night. Just one more night and I’ll be able to get away. We almost have everything all together. Almost.
I chew on my lower lip and keep silent, wishing I hadn’t left my flask behind tonight. I was worried Ash would corner me once again if he noticed it. Of course, he did that anyway, with something I never would have expected. Though I should have, the journal disappeared the same time Zaide had kidnapped me.
Carson hands me a champagne flute, but glares when I begin to raise it to my lips. I pause and let my hand fall back down, never dropping my smile. He nods his acceptance and begins to move forward again. He waves to the conductor and gives him a nod, my brows scrunch in confusion as I watch. It feels like I’m missing something obvious here.
My eyes flash around the room, a forced smile on my face, as I try to search for Ashton, for the guys, for anyone, but Carson keeps his arm locked around me. We move swiftly through the throws of people until faster than I can wrap my head around it, Carson and I are standing in front of the crowded ballroom on the stage meant for speeches. I’ve seen my parents stand up here more times than I can count, but never have I been the one looking down at all the curious faces. When did Carson even get a microphone in his hand? I grin and bear it, but my hand begins to tremble as I realize I’ve made a terrible mistake. I never should have let Carson drag me up here. Whatever stunt he is about to pull, I know it’s going to hurt me more than all the others.
“Merry Christmas, everyone,” Carson says in a loud, clear voice. His tone oozes cheer and excitement that’s infectious as the crowd lets out a few low cheers in response. “Before this party starts to wind down and everyone starts to disperse, I wanted to propose a toast.” He lifts his glass of champagne and I watch, detached from the scene as everyone grabs their own glasses in response. “To this beautiful girl at my side that has given me the greatest gift of all time.”
