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The bitter jealousy that slices through me surprises me. It’s not like I don’t know he fucks around with girls. He’s gorgeous, all the guys are, and they have never gone short of female attention. They were also respectful of me when it came to it. Our friendship remained strong because no matter what, we kept our relationships and one night stands separate from it. Until I ruined that silent agreement with Carson.
He radiates self satisfaction as he pulls his shirt back on, and I take that brief moment to let my mask break. To let my heart ache manifest just for a moment.
I meet Shelby’s confused eyes as she looks back and forth between us. I haven’t said a word, but I know she can already tell something isn’t right as she pulls the sheet up higher around her chest.
“Didn’t expect to see you here, Brielle,” Zaiden lies, and his smooth voice caresses my skin like a rainstorm on a warm afternoon.
I scoff, not able to help it. “I find that hard to believe, Z.” His nickname rolls off my tongue without thought and I feel his flinch as if it was my own.
“Only friends call me Z,” he practically spits at me as he walks past me to grab his shoes. His shoulder knocks into mine and I know it wasn’t an accident, and even that sharp touch sets my soul alight, but I don’t let that feeling linger.
I deserve his hatred, but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear. I just need to learn how to live with this side of him. How to not be his sunshine anymore. I’ll get stronger. I’ll get used to it. I won’t always let their words get to me, I promise myself. I can handle everything that gets thrown at me.
“You two know each other?” Shelby whispers, and I can see the regret covering every inch of her as she curls in on herself. Anger sparks as I watch my new friend bury her face in her hands, shame and embarrassment climbing up her cheeks in a vibrant red.
“Not really,” Zaiden lies again with a half shrug and that smug smile still in place.
He moves back to her, dropping a kiss on her head, as if he doesn’t realize the meltdown she’s about to have because of him. As if he’s totally oblivious to the fact he’s leaving her feeling used. “See you soon, Andrews,” he calls before leaving the room quickly.
“I hope not,” she whispers back, but he makes no sign of having heard her. As soon as the door closes her head snaps up to look at me, horrified. “How badly did I just fuck up our new friendship?” Her voice cracks as the tears spill over onto her red cheeks.
Fucking Zaiden.
“You did nothing wrong,” I promise her, repeating the mantra to myself. It’s not like she knew. She couldn’t have known. Even the flyers didn’t actually show his face. Her remorse and guilt are too real to be contrived. I believe her, even if it doesn’t make what just happened in this room hurt any less. I can’t let him steal her away from me too. “But I’ll be right back. Just stay right there.”
This day has been one shit show after another. Every single person I’ve come into contact with today tried to tear me down, tried to get their own lash against me, all except for that girl in there. I’m fucking pissed and now I have a target to aim it all at.
“Zaiden Hollis!” I call out as soon as I rush out into the hallway. He stops in his tracks, pausing before slowly turning back to me, that damn smile pasted on his face. He wanted this. He wanted my reaction. Anything to remind himself he still matters to me. That he’s still able to get under my skin even if not in the same way. For once, I’m willing to give him exactly what he wants.
I storm up to him and shove him hard in the chest, more aggressive than I’ve ever been with any of the guys. Delight sparks across the sharp angles of his face, like my rage satisfies him, like he wants to shove me back until our rage collides and becomes one.
“You hate me now? That’s fine,” I say harshly, channeling all of my anger from today towards him. Because fuck him and his promises of friendship forever.
He responds in kind, backing me up against the wall in a similar move that Carson used on me earlier. Rather than bile turning my stomach, familiar tingles heat in my lower belly. Tingles I forcibly ignored out of fear of change. Tingles I have no choice but to act like they don’t exist now.
“Is it really?” he demands. “Is it really fine that I hate you now? That we all hate you? That we regret ever being close with you?”
His touch skims up my arm until his hand rests beside my head and I can feel his warm breath too close to my lips.
No. Never. How could it ever be anything but my worst nightmare?
They hate me.
“Of course it is,” I force out, keeping my voice steady. “If I still cared, I wouldn't have blocked your numbers, don’t you think?” The words taste like ash on my tongue. I can’t blame them for hating me when I hate myself.
His face freezes, his voice hardening. “Then why follow me out?”
Isn’t that the magic question. The kind I have ignored for too long in fear of ruining our friendship. A friendship that no longer even exists. Should I have taken the leap with them while I still had the chance? Would it have changed things? Or would the heartache of losing them now be more than I can bear?
“I don’t care if you hate me,” I lie, putting my full weight behind the words. Just trying to make them believable, even to myself. “But if you’re mad at me,be mad at me.If you want to hurt me,hurt me.You want to punish me,then punish me.Leave my roommate out of it.”
His eyes flare when I tell him to punish me and I swear I see a glint of need cross his stare as he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip and smiles.
I don’t recognize the sound that passes his lips, the groan of satisfaction as he leans unbearably close and whispers, “I think your little roommate really liked being in it. I definitely liked being in her at least.”
Stabbing me in the heart would have hurt less and only months of training from Carson keeps my blank face intact. I can’t let his words get to me. I can’t. If I do, he will realize how much they all still mean to me. How much more they’ve always meant to me. As something more than just a friend.
I force myself to respond, his name sounding so unfamiliar coming from my lips. “Don’t use other people to get your revenge on me, Zaiden,” I say sadly, thinking of the way Shelby’s face crumpled as she realized what had happened. “Shelby isn’t like that, she’s not from our world. She’s innocent and she didn’t deserve how you just treated her. Don’t take your anger out on people who have nothing to do with it. You’re better than that.”
