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He moves away from me, like my words were a physical touch that pushed him back, creating that space between us that I forced us into.
“Or maybe we were both lying to ourselves when we said we knew each other.” His voice is filled with nothing but pity and disdain as turns on his heel, walking away from me. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, but don’t worry. You’ll find out soon.”
I watch him walk away, his parting words leaving nothing but ice in their wake.
A laugh threatens to escape and that’s when I know I am definitely losing it, because I know exactly what he is capable of, it’s what got me here in the first place.
I know exactly how far he is willing to go where I am concerned, and nothing has ever scared me more.
My heart is beating so loud I can hear it in my head and I almost stumble as I make my way back towards my room, forcing big deep breaths into my lungs to calm myself down.
By the time I make it back inside, Shelby is dressed and nervously shuffling from foot to foot as she fidgets with her hands. As soon as she sees me, she rushes forward. “Brielle, I am so sorry. I had no idea you guys knew each other. I met him in the quad this afternoon and we hit it off. I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but I was just thinking what the hell, this is college, why not?” The words rush out of her as she talks so quickly I barely keep up. I have to physically grab her to get her to stop and look at me.
“Shelby, listen.” I wait until her eyes are focused on me before I continue. “You have nothing to apologize for, I promise. I was just shocked to see him here, that's all.” I am surprised by how easily the lie rolls off my tongue, but I guess I have Carson to thank for that. I force my stare to remain on hers until my lie penetrates and when she slowly nods I let go of her arms.
She releases a breath and watches as I walk towards my bed and flop down onto it and try not to go over every awful thing that has happened today.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asks, walking towards me and hesitantly taking a seat next to me on my bed.
I blow out a breath before I force the next words out with all the strength I can muster. “I know Zaiden from high school.” Not a lie, but also nowhere close to the truth. I make it sound like he was just an acquaintance, someone I barely shared any time with, and when she remains silent I go on. “We were friends, him, me, three other guys. All of us were close friends.” I can’t bring myself to say best friends, because those two words are too accurate and also nowhere near enough to describe the depths of what we shared.
The next part of the story is where things get messed up and it’s hard to force the lies out now. “Things between us kinda got messed up when I got with my boyfriend.” Referring to Carson as my boyfriend almost makes me gag. He’s the devil in disguise and I think I am only just starting to realize how deep that devil in him truly runs.
“They don’t like him?” Her question is so simple and innocent that I laugh.
“You could say that.”
If only it was as simple as their dislike of him and the sad thing is they aren’t even aware of his true crimes. If only I could say the same about them and Carson.
“They just don’t really get along. My relationship with Carson meant I lost my friendship with Z and the guys.” I shrug like it’s no big deal, like saying those words aloud, even the false version, doesn’t fucking kill me inside. But still she nods like she understands me completely.
“They weren’t too happy about it,” I continue. “I didn’t expect to see them here, but they surprised me today. They were the ones behind all the flyers,” I finish explaining. Horror crosses her face as she realizes who was just in her bed. I give her a sad smile and shake my head as she opens her mouth to say something else. I don’t want to hear her apologies anymore. It isn’t the one that really matters to me anyways. I tighten my hands into fists as I take deep breaths. “Just a prank,” I force the words out. “It’ll all be fine.”
If I could admit the truth, if I could purge my soul and have just one person on my side I think it could be her, even with just meeting her. I can tell she is the type of person that would be a ride or die for someone and god do I feel like dying. But I won’t, there are already too many people I am protecting from Carson, I can’t add her to that list, it’s better if she is kept in the dark.
As if she knows I don’t want to say anything else she puts her hand in mine and squeezes lightly in comfort before clearing her throat. “Wanna eat ice cream and watch Gossip Girl?” Damn. I think I just fell in love.
I swallow down the thick emotions in my throat and show my first real smile of the day. “That sounds perfect.”
Over the last few weeks Shelby has been my rock. Each class is a new type of torture after the fiasco that was Monday.
There have been several jokes and comments made at my expense, and sneers in my direction. Just like the guys had hoped, I’m sure. But even those are dying down now that people have realized I’ll hold my head high and keep my façade in place, regardless of the insults they scrape together.
That isn’t what’s getting to me though. No. It’s the fact that I can’t get a break from the guys. That every day I have to face them and their new found radio silence towards me. As if they had never pulled any bullshit. As if we had never even been friends.
Why go through all this hassle if things were just going to be like this? I can’t understand what possessed them to make them decide to follow me.
The only thing out of the ordinary has been Ashton’s lingering looks when the others aren’t watching. They aren’t often, but it’s happened enough times for me to know they aren’t an accident. What is he looking for? Does he see the changes in me or can he still see the same Brielle that used to need his comfort during a thunderstorm?
Dragging my eyes from his searching ones has been the hardest thing I have had to endure this week and by the time Friday afternoon rolls around I am ready for almost a full weekend of freedom from both class and Carson.
One thing I can be thankful for is his obsession with image, it means he’s incredibly busy with frat house bullshit. The house he’s rushing, Sigma Phi, is known for the amount of work they put on their pledges. Hazing isn’t the same as what you see in movies with stupid pranks and humiliation at every corner.
Sigma Phi puts their pledges through an entirely different type of torture, even for legacies like Carson. They only want the best and brightest and they make you prove it. While Carson is guaranteed a spot because of his last name, it doesn’t determine his place in the hierarchy within the house. That will all be based on how he performs in the trials they set out for the pledges.
His entire weekend will be tied up in those responsibilities and thank fuck for that because I need a break. I even get a day off from our mandatory breakfast because of some shit the house has planned. Carson hasn’t even said much about my free time, probably because he assumes I am just as busy with rushing Phi Mu, but that is something I do not have the energy for.
He never explicitly told me I had to, so as far as I’m concerned, he can't actually be upset with me when he does find out. Hopefully that won’t happen until after rush is already over.
