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“This,” he hesitates. “It’s just more permanent than a few measly flyers.”
He’s right of course, but isn’t that the point of all this? I wipe my hand over my face, turning my chair to face him head on. “That’s kind of the point, Ash.” I reiterate my thoughts aloud. I know this has been difficult for him, but I didn’t think he would get cold feet so quickly. How the hell is he going to hold up when we get into the even bigger things we have planned?
“The entire reason we came here was to make their lives hell. Not for a few petty, little pranks that are forgotten in a few weeks’ time. No, something to create lasting damage. Hit them where it hurts. We know better than anyone how fragile one’s reputation can be. How rumors and judgment can tear even a king off of their throne. We want Carson to pay for stealing our girl from us? We steal the very thing he cherishes the most, his reputation.”
His body only grows more tense as the vitriol spews from my mouth. “But you aren’t going after his reputation, you’re going after hers,” he argues.
I shrug, fixing my glasses on my nose. “They’re one and the same now, aren’t they? It’s her choices that landed all of us here. Of course she should have to pay.”
He pulls his lower lip between his teeth and my eyes zone in on that small action. It’s a bad habit he rarely shows anyone. It tells me more about his state of mind than any words he could possibly say. That tightening in my chest gets even worse. If anyone could plant the seeds of doubt in me, it’s Ashton. He knows it too. From the look on his face I can tell he doesn’t agree. I hold my breath, waiting to see how he’s going to respond. I’m terrified that the cracks Brielle created in our group when she left are about to tear what’s left of us apart.
I don’t think I could handle losing Ash too. Losing her made me feel like a shell of myself. If I lost any of the guys, I just don’t think I would be able to come back from it.
“Doesn’t it,” he cuts himself off, shaking his head.
“Say it, Ash,” I demand, my gut needing to hear what he has to say. “Finish your question.” I need him to work through any lingering doubts now. I need him on our side, I need him with me on this. Even if he doesn’t want to hurt her the way we do, I need him to at least understand why we have to do it. I need him to still choose the three of us, even if he doesn’t agree with it. Even if he chooses not to participate, I still need him to choose us over her. I don’t know why I need him to choose us, to choose me, but if he doesn’t, the four of us might just fall apart.
“Doesn’t it hurt you to hurt her like this?” There’s no hesitation in his words this time. He’s as determined as I am to hash this out. To at least get on the same page, even if we are hoping for the outcome of this conversation to be different.
“No,” I answer simply. The lie spilling past my lips easier than it should have. Ash and I don’t lie to each other, we never have. It’s the first time I’ve ever blatantly done so, and guilt creeps down my spine. I can’t admit that it does though. I can’t admit that everything about Brielle fucking Montgomery hurts me now.
Seeing her with Carson feels like a knife in my gut. The look of disdain in her eyes when she looks my way, like a bullet to the chest. Speaking ill of her and lying to my best friend, like swallowing razor blades. But walking away would feel like death itself. Worse it would feel like a betrayal to Hudson and Z.
I raise my eyes from the floor between us to meet Ash’s shocked look. Whether it’s shock from my answer or shock from the fact he knows I’m lying to him, I can’t tell. It’s impossible to know without asking him and I’m too much of a coward to want to hear his answer.
It’s better this way.
He swallows thickly, breaking eye contact with me and looking out the window. His arms come up to cross over his chest. I don’t like the defensive position he’s taking with me. A distance between us that has never been there before. Brielle really does ruin everything she touches.
“She just doesn’t even seem happy here,” he finally says, breaking the silence.
I scoff, “Of course she doesn’t. Her anger at us being here is apparent every time we see her. She wanted to leave us in the past.” It’s those looks, that desperate plea for us to just disappear, that keeps my resolve hardened on our plan. We tried to save her and she looks at us like we’re monsters.
How did we go from the friends she trusted to save her, to the enemies she can barely stand to look at?
“No,” he whispers, his eyes still focused on something outside the window. “Even before she knew we were here. Even in the moments where she doesn’t realize any of us are around, the moments where she thinks she’s alone. She seems…” he trails off for a moment, as if searching for the right word. He meets my eyes, and I’m taken aback by the desolation I find in his gaze. “She seems lonely.”
My breath catches at the unexpected rush of pain his words and gaze creates in me. I falter for a moment as I stare at him, searching for the right way to deal with Ash’s feelings. When all of a sudden it dawns on me. “You’ve been watching her,” I accuse.
That thought shouldn’t hurt me, but it does.
He shrugs and I know I’m right. I curse under my breath. No wonder he’s having doubts. It all makes sense now. None of us have ever been able to resist Brielle’s charms. It’s why we all agreed to keep our contact with her at a minimum, only what was necessary to inflict the punishments we had planned. I already cursed Zaiden for breaking that agreement in his own way, but I never thought I had to worry about Ash.
I want to yell at him for his carelessness, for falling for her tricks all over again. If he was Z or Hudson, I wouldn't even hesitate. But Ash just looks broken as he stares at me, pleading for me to understand the same thing he’s seeing. I can’t bring myself to even be mad at him, not when I see that look of hope lingering in his eyes. He still thinks she is going to come back to us, that this is all some misunderstanding or long winded prank. How can he still be hanging on?
I reach out and gently grab his arm, squeezing it in reassurance. “She’s not our Bri anymore,” I say softly. “Whatever you’ve seen, it doesn’t matter, she’s not ours. She made her choice.”
He leans into my touch, his skin warm beneath my palm as he drops his head. “So because she didn’t choose us we have to hate her now?”
My grip on him tightens. Has he really forgotten the hell she put us through?
“No, Ash. Because she didn’t just choose Carson, did she?”
He stays quiet, but eventually he shakes his head. It’s the one thing even he can’t deny, no matter how badly any of us want to. “No, she didn’t. She cut us off. She got us arrested,” I remind him, my words hardening as I speak. “She took our game, the game we created to justify protecting her, and turned it against us. It was the biggest fuck you she could have given us and she didn’t even have to bother saying the words.”
His whole body sags as the fight drains out of him. “You’re right,” he whispers and the sound of his defeat fills me with rage at Brielle all over again. “I just want to know why,” he sighs.
“Does the why matter?” I ask. It doesn’t change what she did. Doesn’t change the betrayal. Doesn’t change what we have planned. She wanted the past to mean nothing, at least I’m giving her that.
