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Shock filters through me at her care and comfort. The pain this girl feels for me. She knows.
Sobs wrack through me, torn from my chest, making my whole body convulse with the force of my cries. I bend in half as a wash of pain, sorrow, and shame flow out of me and into the room around us. Shelby never lets go. Holding me together with her frail arms and sympathy tears that stream down her face and soak into me. Giving me more comfort than any mere words ever could.
I’m not alone. Not really.
“Bri, I want to be here for you,” she whispers. “But I don’t know how.”
The sobs turn into soft cries, which turn into silent tears, as I regain control of myself. Everything feels battered. Beaten. I grip her arms where they still cling on to me.
“This is more than enough,” I tell her, my voice a whisper of a sound as all the strength has drained from my body. I sag forward, barely able to stay on my own two feet anymore.
She steadies me and I can feel more than see her shake her head. “It’s really not. He hit you,” she chokes out the words. I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could do the same with my ears. Just turn off everything I don’t want to hear. “You’re not even with him out of love.”
I dip my head forward in shame. “We made a contract, Shelby. I can’t just leave like that.” I just want to shower and crawl into bed. This is more than I ever wanted her to know. Would it have been different had I told Carson Shelby was here? That she was locked in the bathroom?
No. It’s never stopped him at his own house with his roommates walking down the halls. It only would have put her in danger. Put her on his radar. Better for the two of them to never come face to face.
She tightens her grip around me and I grunt in surprise and pain and she automatically loosens her grip, cursing behind me. “You just surprised me,” I attempt to ease her worry but her disbelief wafts off her in waves.
“There has to be something in the contract about him not hurting you,” she pleads. It makes me smile how much she cares. I shake my head, still not willing to turn around and face her.
“Was this the first time? It wasn’t, was it? Oh my fucking god, the last time he stormed out of here. You said you had been laying down with your face pressed against the desk and that was why your face was red. He hit you then, didn’t he? Bri how long has this been going on? Please turn around and look at me. Tell me how I can help.” Each word trips out of her mouth faster than the last. So many all at once I can’t even remember everything she’s asked by the time she’s finished.
I shake my head, bending over in on myself as it all just becomes too much.
“Bri this isn’t right.” Her voice drops lower, almost soothing as she murmurs to me. But it’s not. All it does is make me panic.
“You can’t tell anyone. Swear it,” I demand.
“Bri,” she pleads. “I don’t want to make that promise.”
My breath catches as I start panting. “You have to,” I beg between stuttered breaths. “You don't understand what’s at stake.”
She drops her arms from around me, giving me some space but just barely. “Then make me understand,” she curses. “How can I be okay with this? How can you be okay with this? You’re so much better than this.”
Her words leach the comfort I was feeling right back out. “I’ve never judged you for the world you’ve come from,” I say coldly, wrapping my arms around myself. “Don’t judge me for mine.”
“That’s not,” she breaks off. A heavy silence fills the room. “I’m not judging you, Brielle. I swear. I just don’t want you hurt anymore.”
I hate everything about this. Hate that we have to have this conversation. Hate that I can’t even face her. “Then promise you won't tell anyone.”
She stays silent, but I can hear her thinking from here. I wait, knowing she’s running through a million different scenarios, solutions, and possibilities faster than I can even imagine. She’s trying to find a better option. She won’t. She doesn’t have all the information, but even if she did everything is too much of a risk. I need to stay steady and true to my own plan. Survive another day. Get the video back. Worry about everything after that. I won’t take this lying down even if it appears that way for now.
Timing is everything.
“Carson didn’t know you were in the dorms, you never wanted me around him, he hates the guys, he’s obsessed with money and class and reputations,” she recites all the little different tidbits she’s picked up on. “He’s hit you before. You comply with the way he wants you to dress, who you talk to, what you do on the weekends, all because it’s easier than the fight. That’s why the Brielle in the hallways is so different from the Bri in here. Why the guys look at you like a stranger while also looking at you like their most prized possession.” I don’t know what to say. Can’t say anything. Not when she isn’t wrong about anything. “That’s when he hits you,” she whispers, understanding dawning. I tense at the accuracy of her deductions. “Every time the guys punish you, every time they pull their pranks, Carson also punishes you. Doesn’t he? That’s why you took the bet. Why you ran in that robe? To try and earn a reprieve.”
“Please just stop,” I beg her. “I just want a shower and to climb into bed.”
She paces behind me. “Will you at least look at me? Let me help with the damage?”
I shake my head before she even finished her sentence. “I can’t.”
She stops pacing, right behind me once more. Her fingers rest on both my shoulders. “You have nothing you need to hide from me. I won’t judge. Won’t ask anymore questions. Just let me help. I can’t leave you alone, not like this.”
Her sudden change in attitude shocks me. I never thought she would drop it. She must sense it because she whispers, “I’m not going to force you into anything you don’t want. I can’t take anymore control from you than what you’ve already lost. So I’ll drop it, just let me be here.”
That warmth starts seeping back in. It eats away at the dark black hole of nothingness that has taken up residence in my soul that seems to expand with every day that passes. Shelby’s comfort and care help fill the cavernous hole with a little bit of light. Just enough to give me hope that I really will survive to see my moment to strike back at Carson.
