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I stand shell shocked once more, trying to ease the pain at my core as I watch him storm off. I take a look at my outfit and know there’s no way I can show my face to anyone. I take deep breaths, forcing myself to breathe through the pain until it starts to subside. Then I begin slowly working through to try and do some damage control.
I start with my knees and legs, brushing off the dirt and twigs that are clinging to my stockings. Move my way carefully up to fix my dress and make sure everything is as it should be. My hair and makeup are harder, especially without a mirror, but it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just enough to get by. I take my headband out and run my fingers through my hair, dislodging knots from all of Carson’s yanking. Once I’m satisfied, I push the headband back into place and hope it gives enough illusion that everything is okay. I wipe my fingers under my eyes, trying to rid the worst of the damage. I wish I had my little compact to do more, but I hadn’t wanted to bring my purse.
I sigh to myself and begin walking toward the side of the house to head back home. I don't want to see anyone and just want to get to the street without having to say goodbye. I stumble and just barely catch myself on a tree. I lean against it and hysterical laughter overtakes me. God, my life has become so pathetic.
Taking deep breaths, I try to force some sense of calm through my veins. I can’t lose it here.
“Brielle? Is that you?”
I stretch my swollen lips into a smile as I meet Jake's concerned gaze. “Hey,” I say cheerfully. “I was just taking a break from the party.”
He tilts his head as he moves closer to me, I drop my eyes from his. Hating the pity there. “Do you want me to grab Carson?”
I shake my head rapidly. “No, I was just taking a break before heading home. I don’t want to be a bother. I’m all good.”
He hesitates, moving closer to me and examining my face. “Not to be a dick, but you don’t look all good.”
A surprised laugh eddies up out of me. Of course I don’t. “Truth is, Carson and I got into a bit of an argument. I just want to climb into bed now.” Understanding dawns on his face. It’s hard to live in the same house as the guy and not realize what a temper he has. His eyes work their way over my body and I don’t like the apprehensive look in them as he does it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, biting his lip. I don’t think that’s what he really wants to ask though. I hate how vulnerable I feel, how exposed. As if he can see every inch of my damage written across my skin. Knows all my deepest secrets and biggest shames. “Can I walk you back at least?”
I chuckle. “We both know that would only get me in more trouble.” We both wince at my honesty. Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that. The alcohol is making my tongue a little too loose. My eyes drop down to the bottle in his hand. “If you want to help though, you know what they say, sharing is caring.” I give him a broad smile to keep the bitterness out of my tone. I need him to think I’m okay. To just leave me be.
He hesitates but something in my expression must make him give in because he shrugs and hands it over. “All yours, girl. Just promise to get home carefully?”
“Promise.” I nod to him and walk away, pressing the bottle to my lips before he can say anything else to me. I hear him head back towards the party. I look around and soon as I realize I’m alone, I take a mouth full of whiskey and swirl it around my mouth. The burn brings tears to my eyes, but it’s worth it. I spit it out on the ground and repeat the process, desperate to rid my mouth of Carson’s taste.
If only it were that easy to wash away all his other sins.
ChapterThirty-One
“You lost her?”I bellow.
“How the fuck did you lose her? She’s a whole ass person, not a fucking toy!”
Elias steps in front of me, cutting me off. “Don’t talk to him like that.” I roll my eyes. As if Ashton can’t handle it. I don’t think any of us have forgotten the right hook he blessed Z with only recently. “I went to get water and he was helping Shelby who was being cornered by some assholes. Where were the two of you?”
Zaiden shrugs. “I got distracted.” I scoff, more like he was hiding. He seemed all about this truce plan until he had to face her. All night he could barely look her in the eyes. I can only imagine just what is running through his head every time he sees her now. I shake the thoughts away, no reason to also be pissed at my best friend.
As far as this year has gone, I would chalk up Brielle’s disappearance to her just being a bitch. But not tonight. She was different tonight. Not quite like our sunshine girl, but close. If sunshine were streaked with coal. She was fire. Bright, hot, lighting me up from the inside out. But there were traces of ash in there too. Like she burned too hot and is burning out.
She was fucked up. When I last saw her, I thought she was okay, but that’s not the story the guys are telling now.
“Let’s split up and look for her. She can’t have gone far,” I decide. They all nod and we move in different directions to start looking. Elias stays inside, where he can keep an eye on Andrews, who has also drank a bit too much tonight to be trusted alone. We already know the girl's got a shoddy douchebag radar, or she’d never had fallen for Zaiden’s bullshit.
After twenty minutes of looking for her with no sign, there’s no choice but to give up. I can’t stop myself from worrying though. Every flash of blonde hair has me spinning in circles hoping to find her relaxed, dopey smile, I’ve never seen on her before tonight. To hear her giggles so foreign to me.
Another lap around the house and I may have my answer, but it’s not a pleasant one. Carson is here. Holding court like some washed up movie star that lives on the attention. His eyes meet mine and he smirks, a victorious, smug bearing of his teeth. I just can’t understand why. Of all the women currently hanging on his literal coattails, Brielle is not one of them.
Did he make her leave?
I crack my neck and turn around, back the way I came. Might as well get some fresh air. Even if I found the girl, she wouldn’t play with me now that her first choice is here. I head to the back of the house and pull out a fresh blunt. Thank fuck I brought these.
I don’t normally smoke during the season and Zaiden would kick my ass if he found out, but I need something to take the edge off the rage that is simmering just below my skin. I felt it. For just a moment I felt what it could be like to have Brielle Montgomery as mine. If I thought I was jealous and hated that Crawford bastard before, it’s nothing like what I feel now that I’ve gotten just the ghost of a taste of her.
How must Eli and Z feel?
To have a real taste of her and not be able to keep her?
