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I already feel like I’m driving myself insane.
Blonde catches my eye and I let my gaze drift over to the trees. I tilt my head to the side, thinking I must be hallucinating. I blink rapidly but each time I open my eyes, there she is. Little miss perfect stumbling out of the trees, a bottle of something in her hands as she makes her way to the street without walking through the yard.
Without a second thought, I move to intercept her. I don’t know what Carson’s game is, but she’s in no condition to be wandering around like this all on her own. How can he claim her but fail to even take care of her?
I reach her just as she loses her footing and almost goes down, for at least the tenth time tonight that I’ve witnessed. She tenses as I wrap my arms around her and keep her from falling, but relaxes into my chest as soon as she looks up and meets my eyes, a dreamy smile floating across her face. I right her back onto her feet and look around to see if anyone has noticed us, but as it’s been all night, everyone is too lost in their own revelry to pay much attention to anything else.
“You don’t need anymore of that,” I warn as I snatch the bottle out of her hand. Lifting it to my eyes I narrow my eyes at her. “Tequila, weed, and now whiskey? Are you trying to spend the rest of the night on the bathroom floor?”
She shrugs, rolling her eyes as she pulls away from me and starts heading toward the street. “Could think of worse places to be,” she mumbles. “Plus I started to sober up. Had to fix that.”
I follow her, not sure if I should trust her words. She’s definitely not all smiles and ridiculous giggles like she was earlier, but she’s not steady on her feet either. I have a hard time believing she should be drinking more. I keep the bottle out of her reach as I tease her, “Like the hospital?”
She stops walking for a moment and smirks at me over her shoulder before continuing on her way. I wait for her to say something back, anything, but she doesn’t. I hurriedly shuffle after her.
“Why are you leaving?”
She doesn’t answer me. I continue to follow after her, catching her every time she trips in her heels. I don’t remember her being so clumsy, even on the rare occasions she did drink. We walk down Greek Row side by side, but it isn’t nearly as crowded as it was earlier. Everyone has landed at a party by now, drunk enough to stay where they are and make the most of it. I keep pace with her and listen to her as she hums to herself, apparently ignoring my existence.
Running my hand over my hair I debate what I should do. Is this considered stalking? It’s not right? I mean, she hasn’t told me not to follow her and I don’t really trust her to make it back to her dorm on her own. “Don’t feel like sharing?” I try to tease an answer out of her.
“Hudson,” she sighs as she turns and beams at me. Did she forget that I was here?
“Why you leaving the party, Baby B?” I try asking again.
“Leaving the party,” she echoes back. “Wasn’t fun anymore.” A dark look takes over her face and my stomach turns at the look in her eyes. I shake the feeling off and look at her again, but all traces of that look that made me so uneasy are gone. Did I imagine it? Or was it just the alcohol?
“You seemed to be having a good time before you disappeared,” I point out. For a moment, I thought her, Ash, and Eli were about to take it a step past dirty dancing.
“That was fun.” Her smile is almost blinding, brighter than any light could be.
“So why leave?”
We reach the end of Greek Row and she takes my hand in hers as she leads me down the secluded path that cuts through the woods and heads back towards campus. I hope she wouldn’t have thought to take this way alone, or even if it was just her and Shelby. You could go around and take the streets and it would only add a few minutes of walking, but it would be much more well lit going that way.
“I wasn’t dancing anymore.” Her hand tightens in mine and she lifts it up and does a twirl. I lead her into another spin before stepping into her body, wrapping my free arm around her waist, and pull her into a dip. Her wild giggles wash over me and I chuckle with her.
“I’ll always dance with you, B.”
She hums as I pull her back into my chest and we begin our slow walk once more. She swings our connected hands back and forth, and even though I know there are a hundred reasons why I should put more distance between us, I can’t. It turns out I’m not strong enough to deny myself what I so deeply crave.
“Do you ever wish you could just forget everything and do what feels good right now?”
I laugh at the randomness of her question, but decide to play along because of the earnest look on her face. I lift a shoulder and tilt my head forward. “Who hasn’t? It’s easy to want to erase the complicated and live in the moment.” Like holding your hand, I silently add. I know it will bring me all that much more pain tomorrow when I see you on Carson’s arm, but I still can’t let go. Even if it hurts, even if it kills me. It’s worth this one moment of feeling good.
She nods as she hums. “That’s how I feel,” she whispers, just barely loud enough for me to catch. The air grows heavy with anticipation around us, I can feel a buzz as if it’s radiating out from underneath her skin. There’s something else she wants to say. I hold my breath as I wait.
“You know, my reward wasn’t much of a reward,” she grumbles as she bumps her shoulder into mine. That wasn’t where I was expecting her to go.
The words sting, I know she doesn’t mean for them to, but they do. The costume, the brownies, the drinks, it was all just superficial shit. The real reward was a night like old times. It was us. We were the reward. “I’m sorry we didn’t live up to the hype,” I say, forcing a chuckle out of my dry throat. All the excitement, the dreaded hope I had allowed myself to feel, burning out.
She hums as if that’s hard to wrap her mind around. “You almost did,” she admits, making me question everything about how tonight played out. What ruined it all? “But then I got in trouble, and it all came crashing back down around me.” Her voice takes on an unfamiliar lilt. It’s the alcohol and weed talking right now. She would never be so open with me.
“Then tell me, B. Where did we go wrong?” Tonight, months ago. Everything. Tell me how we got to this place that neither of us recognizes. Did we really scare her away? Let our guard down too much and lost the one bright spot in all our lives? Did we lose her for good? Never capable to truly make or keep her happy now that she knows what monsters we can be?
She sighs and shakes her head, putting more of her weight against my side. “You didn’t, but Carson got mad.”
I shrug. Of course he did, but what does that have to do with us? Did we really not ruin her night but her boyfriend showing up did? That thought only leaves me with more questions than answers. I can’t really say any of us see that as anything but an extra perk for us. “We figured he probably would,” I admit, scratching my chin.
