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Scar tightens around me and it pushes me over the edge just as she starts to spasm around me, I come, thick come shooting inside her tight hole. We’re both panting and I collapse at her side, pulling out of her as I do. She gives me a wry smile and I see the confident woman I know shining in her eyes.
“I love you.” The words are a promise as much as a reminder. To both her and myself. I do love her. Even the parts of her she’s buried, even the parts I’m still learning. The ones she’s still learning and the ones she doesn't even know exist.
Her eyes shine with understanding and I brush her hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. Nothing but the naked truth left between us, shining with an intensity neither of us can continue to ignore. We both know the inevitable outcomes of all the things we’ve both been grappling with.
I’m scared. Scared she’s going to lose herself to her past once more. Scared that Charles may still have the power to tear her apart and ruin all the progress she’s made. Scared I’m going to lose her to the very reason I fell in love with her. The storm that brews in her soul.
“What is it that you’re so afraid of?” She looks up at me earnestly, her own insecurity shining in her eyes. Almost like she already knows all the thoughts running rampant in my head and she fears I’m about to confirm them.
She’s going to forgive Charles, and somehow I’ll learn to be okay with it. Somehow. At some point. But not today. Not right now. There’s too much fear writhing in my chest to accept what she’s saying without words.
I rear back as if she struck me, a feat I know is impossible since her arms are still immobile above her head. I push myself to my feet, turning away from her so she can’t read me like she always does. I can’t be here. Can’t even look her in the eyes. I never thought it would be me, but I finally get the allure of it. I turn my back on her and run out of the gym, leaving her behind.
What else could I do when my biggest fear is that telling her what I’m scared of will make it come true?
* * *
Blood splattersfrom my knuckles as I feel his cheek shatter under the force of my blow. I don’t even pause before hitting him in the gut with a left hook, knocking the wind from him.
He pushes back, just barely managing to catch himself before eating mat. He’s too unsteady to have any real chance of landing a hit back on me, but it doesn’t stop him from trying. I easily dodge his punch, debating if I should use the opportunity to end the fight. It just doesn’t feel like enough. A buzz still rushes through my veins demanding to be let out.
He pulls back and tries to kick out at me. Ugh, he’s almost making it too easy. I side step his kick and hit him in the chest with two sharp jabs, making him wheeze.
Tyler knew exactly what kind of mood I was in tonight as soon as he saw my face. He already assured me he matched me up with absolute scum. Someone I don’t have to feel guilty about killing. I just wish he was making me at least work for it. The beast that lives in my soul is never satisfied by an easy kill. It only makes him that much hungrier.
His next punch is aimed at my face, but he’s far too slow. I allow his knuckles to graze my cheek and take the shot at getting on the inside to end this once and for all. I hear his nose crack as more blood is spewed from his face and his head slings back.
I use my leg to knock his feet out from under him and follow him down. Raining blow after blow on his face and head until his body stops writhing beneath mine.
I crack my neck as I rise to my feet. The crowd goes crazy over the bloodshed as Ty announces me the winner of the fight, continuing my undefeated streak. You’d think people would be more cautious here after the last few months, but if anything it’s made people crave more violence. If we were worried the events of the war would diminish our pool of fighters at all, we didn’t need to be. We have more eager participants than ever before. Men and women who want to prove themselves in the bloodiest rings in the states. Even with our lower presence here.
Luca and I used to be here weekly, I was almost here daily with Ian, Holden, Ty, and Joe. But with everything going on, it just hasn’t been possible. The guys have been keeping everything running smoothly, but I can’t say I wasn’t shocked on coming in here tonight to find we are busier than ever.
Reading the reports and feeling the energy of this crowd are two very different things.
My blood sings in victory as I look out at the crowd cheering. The beast in me preening at the praise but not ready to climb out of the cage. We’re ready for another fight.
Tyler continues speaking into the microphone, assessing me before calling for another fighter to enter the ring. He gives me a nod and with just that I know he has a whole lineup of people that I can kill.
I knew Ty was one of the good ones.
This insatiable bloodlust has nowhere else to go. I can’t take it out on the person I really want to. Not when it’s Scar herself that is making the darkest parts of me wake up and take notice. I knew that little smirk of hers meant nothing but trouble, even when she’s only using it as a mask.
I could see it in her eyes. She finally stopped hiding from me and let me take a peek at what is in her soul and for the first time ever I can honestly say, I wish she hadn’t. I wish I hadn’t. Because now, there is no going back. There is no unknowing what I know.
Scar wants to forgive Charles. Even if she hasn’t found it within herself to do it yet, she wants to. She wants him to prove himself trustworthy. To prove himself worth it. To prove that even after all these years, he’s choosing her. He’s on her side.
I barely wait for the bell to ring before I’m throwing myself at my next opponent. The next sorry loser who had more confidence than he should and a string of crimes in his past that made Ty invite him to his death in this ring.
I black out, not even aware of my surroundings any longer. All I know is the second fight didn’t last even half as long as the first one. It’s still nowhere near enough to satisfy my rage. I don’t know if it is even possible for me to find my peace here tonight. No matter how much my blood sings for the savagery of the fight, it’s Scar that my body truly craves.
Her wet and willing and begging under me. Just like I had her. Too consumed by what I was doing to her body to worry and stress about Romano, to feel the echoes of her trauma, to even think about that scumbag from her past.
He never deserved her back then and he sure as fuck doesn’t deserve her now. No matter what leads he gives us, no matter how much work he does for us. He could never right the wrongs of his past. Never erase how much he hurt my girl.
Another fighter enters the ring. I crack my neck and flex my fingers as I let my eyes rove over my newest opponent. He isn’t like the first two. He doesn’t enter this ring with an embarrassingly misplaced sense of arrogance. No, he enters this ring without the fear of death. He knows he might die at my hands, that it might even be the most likely outcome. He just doesn’t care.
That makes him the most dangerous type of opponent. The type that doesn’t have anything left to lose. I laugh sardonically, excited for the first time tonight. Since I saw that expression on her face and the truth dawned on me.
