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She doesn’t want to hate Charles, but I do. I can’t stop from wanting his blood on my hands. One punch was never going to be enough to suppress the rage I’ve felt for years. For all the times I’ve held myself back from seeking him out and getting my own vengeance on him.
I guess a part of me always knew that Scar’s heart, as damaged and torn to pieces as it has been, is still far too big to ever hate the boy who was once her whole world. Her lifeline. The very reason she wants to forgive him is the reason I can never.
I can’t hold it against her, and I know the time will come where she won’t let me hold it against him any longer either. Unlucky for this guy, he just so happens to have the same annoyingly blonde hair as Charles and I can very much hold it against him.
There’s no blacking out in this fight. I’m aware and sharp for every punch, every kick, every grapple. I even let him get me underneath him a few times so he can feel that sense of hope and accomplishment only to realize he had just fallen into another one of my traps.
Some would call it sadistic, I call it therapy.
Better to take it out on the fucker who I know deserves it than the woman I know is just trying to heal. The very thing I have wanted her to do for so long.
My knuckles smash into his rib cage and I can feel the bones bend and break underneath my fist as I make contact. He gasps in pain but doesn’t relent as he drives his own fists into my midsection. A laugh bubbles up out of me as I wrap my arm around his neck and force his head into my side, locking him into place. I drive my fist into his face with a savage ferocity that I haven’t felt since Scar left us.
He puts up more of a fight than the first two, but in the end, none of it matters. Blood and sweat drip down my face in a familiar sensation of the fights and finally some of the ragged edges of my rage are slightly soothed. Not gone, but less serrated.
Maybe this shouldn’t be where I find my comfort, but if everyone has a church, these ropes are my pews and this mat is my altar. Which I guess makes this imbecile my sacrifice.
I loosen my hold without giving up control until I get into a better position. He struggles and writhes, suddenly aware of what is to come. Maybe he wasn’t as fearless as he first thought he was when he strode up into this ring.
My hands lock into position and before he has a chance to do anything, I snap his neck and drop his lifeless body to the mat beneath me.
The bloodthirsty crowd roars their approval and I can’t help but chuckle as I make my way back toward Tyler.
“You good, man?” His hand comes down on my shoulder and he gives me a squeeze. I grin up at him, feeling slightly more at ease after my fights. I still have a lot to think about and come to peace with. I know Letty and I are going to have to have a real conversation that is more than just sex about the whole thing. But at least for tonight the screams inside my own head are a little quieter. My demons crying out my insecurities have been put to rest for now.
“That last fight settled me out,” I say in thanks.
Ty nods knowingly. “He deserved it. We were going to take him out soon if we didn’t get him in the ring.”
“You good now?” A new voice asks, and I turn around to find Ryder looking up at me and Tyler with his own smirk on his face.
“When did you get here?” I question, looking around to see who else is here as I hop down off the elevated boxes and allow for Tyler to carry on the fights.
Ry rolls his eyes as we both turn towards the locker rooms reserved for only our team members. The crowd parts for us, giving us a wide berth as he smacks my shoulder. “Did you forget? We need to make rounds for Rach tonight.”
I curse as the heavy locker room doors slam behind us.
Ryder cackles. “You totally did forget. Oh, I can’t wait to let the girls know.”
“Fuck off.” I flip him off as I strip down and jump into the closest shower. “We’re just going to the home office, right? No meetings?”
I can still hear him fucking around on his phone over the sound of the shower water so I know he’s just ignoring me when more than a few seconds go by and he doesn’t respond. “Hey, fucker.”
“You don’t have to wear a suit,” he finally calls back, and I can practically hear the eye roll. I wipe my hand over my face. He’s getting to be as bad as Scar. Lord help us all.
Since it will mostly just be us and maybe some of Rachel’s underlings, I rush through my shower and get dressed in my extra clothes quickly. Any time we’ve had meetings on her behalf, Ry and I have both been careful to maintain the same type of presence Rachel herself commands. Without that worry tonight, it makes my preparations that much smoother.
Thank fuck because I really did forget and I definitely don’t have a suit on hand.
Ryder shoves his phone into his pocket and picks up my bloody clothes off the floor and tosses them into the extra backpack I brought. We leave through the back doors without anyone noticing. The guys will already be aware that we weren’t going to stick around tonight. I wouldn’t be surprised if they somehow know my schedule better than I do. Especially since it feels like I’ve been living with my head in the clouds the last few weeks.
Ryder tosses me the keys and I climb into the driver’s seat, thankful it isn’t an argument. Once I get the truck turned on, I take a few deep breaths and try to get my head screwed back on right. I would be lying to say the adrenaline isn’t still rushing through my veins. I never thought I’d want to glamorize death, but there really is nothing like feeling the life draining out of someone because of a split second decision you made.
Being that in control, to literally hold someone else’s life in the palm of your hands. It’s a heady and addictive feeling. One heightened by knowing that the world is a better place now that those three scumbags aren’t in it.
There’s a fine tremor in my hands as I grip the steering wheel and try to shake the worst of it off. Focusing on something new will help the rest of them go away. I just need to push through the initial come-down.
I can feel Ryder’s eyes on me, but I don’t sense any worry or concern coming from him. Just curiosity. His natural interest now that he’s elbows deep into this life with us. He’s more attuned to his own needs, but also our own after the time he’s spent with us.
