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“Every time we do this,” I start explaining what made me giggle in the first place. “You both seem a little less straight each time.”
They both chuckle with me, squeezing me tighter. I’m fairly positive they’ve had conversations about the lines in their relationship that have been crossed, but I’ve never talked about it with them.
“I like controlling your pleasure,” Noah admits as if I wasn’t already aware. I snort in response and he lightly taps my ass. “But I like controlling theirs almost as much.” He shrugs before continuing, “Sexuality is a sliding scale and how much I love sharing you goes beyond just liking to make you happy. It turns me on to have the other guys here. To see them with you. To work with them. I’ll admit, I was curious when it first started, but I’ve realized my interest doesn’t extend past you being involved.”
Kade yawns but I catch his nod. “I was curious for a while too. I’d never been with a guy before but I started thinking about it after I realized how it turned me on to watch you being fucked. Then we had little moments, Ryder’s tongue hitting my dick, Noah using me to get you off.” His hand lands in my hair and he starts to massage my scalp as his eyes drift shut. “I even watched some gay porn and read some romance novels. Some of it was hot but every time I closed my eyes and tried to create a fantasy, you were always there. You’re the only one I can imagine having sex with. The only one I want.”
I hum and stroke my hand over Kade’s chest. I’m almost surprised I don’t feel any jealousy or apprehension at anything they’ve said. Not even hearing about Noah’s past hookups.
“You know,” I murmur softly, “if you guys wanted to explore, I wouldn’t be mad.” I don’t want to hold them back from pieces of themselves. Knowing they love each other, even if not the same way they love me, only makes me feel more secure in our family. The idea of their love growing into something more doesn’t evoke insecurity but rather the opposite. “I love you both and want you to be happy.”
Kade grins and his eyes flutter open as he leans to press a kiss against my forehead. Noah presses tighter against my back and kisses my shoulder.
“We love you too, baby girl, but we are happy the way things are.”
Kade nods. “Any exploring will be done with you in between us. I love Noah but the idea of fucking him doesn’t turn me on.”
Noah laughs, his whole body shaking, making me smile. “Same,” he agrees. His voice drops lower to a husky whisper, “But the idea of fucking you together? Our dicks sliding against each other while you clench around us both?”
I shiver at his words, feeling more affected than I should after the three orgasms I just had.
“Now that, turns me on.”
Kade growls his agreement, moving closer to me before yawning again. I laugh as Noah immediately yawns too.
I sink into their warmth and close my eyes letting the sated peace wash through me. I trace designs on Kade’s chest with one hand, holding Noah’s hand with the other until I hear both of their breathing drop into the deep cadence of sleep. I smile as I let myself follow after them, knowing no nightmares will haunt me this time.
* * *
Days passedat an obnoxiously slow crawl. Each one dragging on into the next as we combed through Donahue’s records.
They were creepy, to say the least. The effort he had put into finding me has brought the nightmares back full force. Each night they follow me into my dreams to relive the worst moments of my life.
Small details continue to come back to me in flashes. Nothing concrete enough to give us a new lead. Just enough to make me feel as if I’m living that torment all over again.
The guys have all refused to leave me alone since the night Noah and Kade used sex to pull me out of the arms of my demons. I fall asleep every night with a body on either side of me. They rotate each day depending on what else needs to be done. I’m not even sure what is occupying so much of their time anymore. It seems like each one of them always has something to be doing. Their schedules are far too coordinated to not have been planned together. But I can’t bring myself to ask questions.
I can feel how close we are getting to the answers that really matter. But each day that passes, claws of my past dig deeper into my psyche. The level of obsession apparent from the files is enough to turn anyone’s stomach. All of the guys have been on edge. Each one handles it in their own way. But somehow we’ve managed a tentative sort of peace as we wait for the next steps of our plot to formulate.
Waiting is always the hardest part of any plan. I hate feeling useless but after days of seeing firsthand how deep Donahue’s obsession ran and realizing just how far back it started, I can’t bring myself to go into the office.
My fingers tap out an erratic pattern against the counter and I take another sip of my coffee. Who knew I’d ever become so adept at delegating I would have nothing to do?
Noah could always use my help, but the idea of going into the office sickens me. I can’t do it today. Not when the heavy scent of smoke still lines my nose from my latest nightmare.
Everything is too close to the surface to have to face the evidence of that night.
My hands shake and I chug the rest of my coffee before turning to the fridge in search of the gallon of iced espresso one of the guys always keeps stocked for me.
Large hands wrap around my waist and lift me up, pulling me away from the fridge and setting me on the counter.
“Do I need to cut you off, pretty girl?” Declan asks, eyeing my twitching fingers knowingly.
I narrow my eyes. “Why on earth would you resort to such inhumane treatment?”
He scoffs, “Because I’m pretty sure you have more caffeine than blood in your body right now.”
I roll my eyes and mutter, “It was too early for whiskey.”
