Page 67 of Beautiful Chaos


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I scream again, salt filling my mouth. I don’t understand it. The saltiness that hits my tongue. Shouldn’t it be blood, like every fucking thing else? I use the back of my hand that is still wrapped around the blade to wipe at my face. I feel the blood that smears over my cheek as I do, but as I stare at the back of my hand, I realize I’m crying. For the first time, I notice the gaping hole in his midsection that goes from his bellybutton to his sternum. Rage like nothing I’ve ever felt before fills every ounce of my being and I throw myself at him again, sinking my blade into him again and again and again.

It still isn’t enough.

Chapter Sixteen Ryder

There’san immediate shift in the room, a moment before all hell breaks loose.

Scar gets this lost look in her eyes and everything goes into slow motion. She doesn’t realize it yet, but all eyes are on her as her fingers tighten on whatever she has in her hands. Even Rachel pauses in her work as Scar picks up the discarded glass on the desk and brings it to her nose to smell.

There are no words to describe what happens next. The pain emanating from Scar as she launches first the glass across the room before moving in on Romano. My hands sweat and my heart races as I watch her drive the blade into his stomach.

Nothing about this is like her at all. Scar is always in control, even when she seems her most chaotic, she never releases her tightly wound hold on her control. Now, we know why.

I move forward, and Declan grabs my arm, preventing me from interfering with Scar, but that’s not who I’m after. I nudge him off and wrap my arm around Rachel’s elbow and slowly pull her out of Scar’s vicinity. She’s no longer aware of anything but Romano. None of us can know what to expect next.

Rachel turns wide eyes to me. Seeing Scar like this is a shock to all of us, but Rachel especially. She’s never seen Scar even the slightest bit broken, but here she is falling to pieces in front of us. Discarding the last remnants of the girl she once was as evidence of that past is scattered to the ground.

Luca grabs the first two polaroid photos as she discards them and my chest heaves with the pain of knowing what they contain. He doesn’t look at them, silently slipping them into his pocket as he keeps his eyes on Scar. There’s only three of them. I don’t know if she could bear anymore than that.

I’m not sure she can bear the three that she did find.

I meet Luca’s eyes, but he looks as helpless as I feel. It feels like that night in the van all over again. It happened so fucking quickly this time. Too fast for any of us to react. And now? Now, it’s already too late. She hasn’t realized it yet, but Romano is as good as dead.

Scar didn’t stop when her blade found its new home in his stomach. She’s completely gutted him, hitting probably every vital organ on her way. The raspy wet cough as he sputters to answer her questions makes me think she may have even nicked a lung.

He was too far gone to answer even a single question the moment she dug her blade in.

I can see the moment she realizes he’s gone, taking the answers she so desperately craves with him. For a second, I think she’s about to drop to the ground and cry but am startled when she jerks back, slipping in the blood. I catch her, tightly gripping her arms and setting her back on her feet. I whisper her name, but there’s a fog over her eyes. She isn’t focused on me. She isn’t focused on any of us. She’s still locked in her own world. Staring between the knife in her hand and the wound it created in Romano.

Tears and snot and blood run over her face. I try calling her name again as Kade and Luca step up to pull her out of the rapidly growing puddle of blood. But none of us reach her before she launches herself at his dead body all over again.

I hiss in surprise. Wanting so fucking desperately to be able to help her, but knowing there’s not a single thing I can do for her. She simultaneously got answers and lost the chance to them today. Faced the very worst moments in her life. Unexpectedly.

There’s no way to even begin to comprehend what is going through her head right now. She obviously needs to fill the desire to lash out, to hurt him as much as he hurt her. Even if he’s gone. It’s not like he deserves peace even in his death anyhow.

Even after his body is mutilated beyond recognition and her body shakes with her sobs, she still doesn’t react as we call out her name. Real fear pulses through me. What if we can’t reach her? What if facing her abuser has shredded the last piece of her. Shattered her all over again.

I want to believe in her. Trust in her strength, but as she falls to pieces in front of me, it’s hard to hold onto that. Scar is not the infallible leader we often see her as. She isn’t beyond hurt and failure. She’s stronger than anyone I know, but no one should have to live with and survive what she has had to cope with. I can’t blame her for breaking. I just hope she comes to enough that we can at least be there for her.

Thank fuck Noah cleared the desk of the journal and laptop already. Romano may be dead, but answers may still be found in what he left behind. Something I know is not on Scar’s mind as she flips his desk over. Picking things up at random and hurling them across the room.

Her rage begins to abate as her despair takes precedence. The sobs replace the screams as her hands find her hair and begin to pull. Immediately, I move in, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly to my chest. Her long nails sink into the skin on my arm at first as she thrashes in my hold.

“Shh, Scar baby,” I murmur. “It’s just me.” The rest of the guys and Rachel slowly move towards us, their hands raised in front of them, taking small measured steps. Her wild eyes bounce from one person to the next as they treat her like a wounded animal. Her body shakes as she collapses in my arms, her nails no longer digging into my skin but her fingers tightly latched onto me.

“Ryder,” she sobs.

Declan drops to his knees in front of her, brushing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ears. “Shh, pretty girl. We’re all here. We’ve all got you.”

Her body convulses with her sobs, making even my own frame shake with the force as I just hold onto her tightly. The last photo lay face up in the pool of blood next to us. My eyes lock on the horror that she lived. She’s stronger than I’ve ever given her credit for.

My eyes burn and my cheeks itch as tears trail down my face at the amount of damage they did to my girl. She was so young. So small. So different from the larger-than-life woman I’ve fallen in love with.

Rachel sniffles as she grabs the photo, wiping it on her pant leg before handing it to Luca. Never letting her eyes linger on it more than necessary out of respect for Scar. The only reason we even need them is because of the possibility they may hold clues to who else was there.

“Letty,” Luca’s deep voice barely rises above a whisper as he calls her attention. Her eyes drift up to lock on his steely ones. I’m shocked he’s able to hold it together as much as he has. “Let’s get you home.” The words come out in a hushed growl. Like it’s the most he can manage if he’s going to stay in control of himself. Kade is just behind him, in no better control of his emotions, his hands fisted at his side as his body trembles with unleashed rage.

She slowly nods but clings to me tighter. I rise slowly with her in my arms, cradling her against my chest. She seems so much smaller in this moment, more like the broken and defeated girl in the photo than the strong and brazen woman that had hoped this would be a trap.

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