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It wasn’t what we expected at all. Romano was never supposed to be one of her abusers, just the man who had facilitated her abuse. Not any better; in a lot of ways, he’s a lot worse. But a different type of horror. Not her own personal demon that has stalked and haunted her for almost a decade. An abstract terror is easier to face, no matter how horrifying, than the hands of evil that have already dug into your body and stolen pieces of your soul.
The fight and life drains from her small frame as she trembles in my arms.
“Do we have an all clear?” Joe’s wary voice filters in through the comms. Fuck. What the last hour must have sounded like to everyone out of this room as Scar absolutely lost her shit.
“Romano’s dead,” I answer, my voice sounding just as dead. It doesn’t feel like enough. Not even with the torture Rachel did inflict on him. He died too fast. Too easily.
“Everyone else is okay,” Noah adds, answering what Joe was really looking for. I don’t think okay is the right word.
Kade must agree because he snorts. “No one is injured anyway.”
Tyler, Holden, and Asher wait in the hallway outside the office when we walk out. All three keep their eyes downcast, away from Scar’s fragile state, but standing guard.
Though no one asks, Holden explains, “We ran up when we heard her scream.”
“We figured out what happened pretty quickly from there,” Ty adds, a look of concern in his eyes as they drift down to her. Scar’s face is pressed against my chest, her eyes open but unseeing. She isn’t really here. Not right now. Too lost in the chaos of her own mind. How could she not be?
Asher studies her carefully, his eyes trailing over the blood covering her nearly from head to toe. “She gonna be okay?”
Kade nods and claps his hand down on his shoulder and squeezes. “Yeah, kid. She needed that.” If only his voice held as much certainty as his words did. “Did you find what you needed?”
Asher gives him a clipped nod. “Think so.”
Luca takes the lead, pulling his weapon out. “Keep us updated on what you discover,” he instructs Asher, who gives him a wary look. Luca must sense it because he sighs, giving in where he normally would push back. “She may have needed that,” he echoes Kade’s words, “but there are three more men she needs the names of more that we didn’t get today.”
His words weigh like a ton of bricks on my back. This isn’t over yet.
It’s only just begun.
* * *
Scar staysin a daze the entire way back to Asher’s place where he sets us up with our own apartment in his building. It isn’t as large as his, but spacious enough to be comfortable for our crew. Tyler hesitates as he says his goodbyes to all of us, his gaze lingering on where she still rests in my arms.
It’s Kade that finds the words to get him moving to catch his flight. Scar would want him back at his post. With Josie. He can do far more protecting her than watching Scar be vulnerable. Holden and Joe offer to take him and ensure he gets out of town and on his flight safely, leaving us alone for the first time.
Luca and Kade practically vibrate with their fury, sending anxious and uneasy glances at Scar as she remains unchecked from reality. I want to help them, but words escape me. I’ve never been the type to lead. I don’t have the right words, or know the next step. That’s always Scar. If not her, then Luca. But neither one is currently capable of seeing past their own immediate emotional turmoil.
“Go use the gym,” Declan instructs. His calm, steady voice, a soothing balm to my own disquiet. Both Kade and Luca look like they want to fight him on it, but all it takes is one pointed look at their clenched fists for them to concede. We all need to clear our heads, to reset from the bomb Scar dropped today. She needs us too.
We promised her that she could break, she could be weak, she could stumble along this journey because she has us. We would be her strength, her balance, her safe place in the storm of her trauma.
We can’t do that if we’re all breaking too.
Silent acknowledgement ripples through the five of us. Though none of us put it into words, I can feel their understanding in the heavy looks we all trade.
Noah clears his throat. “I’m going to get started on his computer.” Not only his way of helping her the best way he knows how, but I’ve come to see how he uses computers and algorithms and programs to get out of his head. To put his whole focus on something else so he can let go of the things holding him back.
Luca and Kade nod, grabbing a bag from off the couch before stalking silently out of the room to find the gym Asher told us about. They’ll both come back bruised and bloodied, but with less weight on their shoulders so they can help ease the burden of hers.
Declan studies me in the remaining silence and my grip tightens on Scar. Still unresponsive in my arms. Clueless to the happenings around her. I’m not leaving her. She’s all I need in this moment. To see her, feel her, be with her for the moment she comes out of this awful paralysis I can’t even begin to understand.
He tilts his head in acquiescence. “Let’s get her cleaned up and in bed.”
I’m thankful he included himself in the plan. It’s not something I would have been able to comfortably accomplish myself with the dead weight she has become. Declan washes and rinses her body, paying close attention to her hair as he scrubs the dried blood from it, while I hold her upright.
Together we manage to get her cleaned up and tucked into bed. She doesn’t fight us even a little bit, closing her eyes and allowing us to take control. A part of me believes she’s just turned everything off. Hidden from the realizations of today and the terrors of her past.
Slowly, her breathing evens out. Declan and I lay on either side of her, encasing her in our warmth, our hands resting against the places of her body where her skin is exposed. Her shoulder, her thigh, her chest, her stomach. Anywhere where she can feel us. Even as she slips into sleep, she needs to feel we haven’t left her. We’re still here. Still protecting her. Always supporting her.
