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“And what did you tell her?”
I watch as her head tilts up and she looks away from me.
“That’s between me and your mother.”
Snorting, I lean back in my chair, watching Emily with a kind of warmth and adoration that makes me think I’m falling for her.
And the fact that thought doesn’t terrify me is enough for me to know it’s probably true.
“Alright, then. I guess it’ll stay between you and her. But just so you know, she let me know exactly what she thinks of you the second I walked through that front door.”
Her eyes widen and she looks back at me. “What did she say?”
I shrug. “That’s between me and my mother.”
Emily’s eyes go from wide to narrow in a split second, and then she goes back to almost violently flipping through her magazine.
“She accused me of using you. Did she tell you that?”
At Emily’s statement, my smile falls. “She did what?”
“She told me I was just the nanny, and that nannies never get the guy in the end so I shouldn’t be prepared to get taken care of like my trashy mother expects of men.”
I lean forward and lower my voice. “Are you fucking serious?”
That’s when Emily’s eyes begin to well with tears.
In the entire time she’s been working for me, I’ve never seen her cry. Not once. Not because of an overwhelming day with Teddy. Not because of something personal. Not even back in the early days when I was snippy at her all the time.
So to see her getting emotional to the point of crying over a conversation with my mother…well, it feels surprising, especially in the wake of my mom saying how much she likes Emily.
“I just want to make sure you know I know how things like this work, okay?” she says, wiping at the tears as they spill down her cheeks. “I know guys like you don’t pick girls like me, and I’m not going to resent you when the day comes that you decide you don’t want me in your life anymore.”
Something painful and achy hits me in the chest as I watch her. As she pours her heart out for me.
“But I also hope you know how much I care about you. And not just you, Teddy. God, I love that kid, so much. I would do anything for him. So…” She shakes her head and smiles, wiping away her tears and trying to push herself out of her emotions. “Just… I never want you to think I’m using you. I don’t expect you to save me or some dramatic shit like that, okay?”
I’ve heard her say something along those lines before, back when I was trying to convince her to move in. She very clearly told me she doesn’t need a white knight riding in to save her from anything. She made it clear she’s capable of handling herself on her own and can save herself in any situation.
Part of me loves that about her. That fierce independence. The depth of confidence in herself and her abilities to know she doesn’t need to rely on anyone else to make her dreams happen.
Another part of me, though, is very slowly realizing that…maybe I wish I could be that white knight. Not in every instance, maybe not even in most instances—but definitely in one. And that’s saving her from this nonsense idea she has that she needs to do everything on her own.
The longer I’ve known Emily, the more capable and wonderful I’ve realized she is. She’s so sure of herself, and she’ll take on any challenge in her way.
But something I’ve so valued over the past few days, the past few months, is realizing I don’t need to be alone when things are hard, realizing it’s okay to rely on support from the people in my life. Whether it’s just getting outside of myself to get drinks with August or it’s the flying across the country, I’ll take a bat to that bitch’s kneecaps kind of support from my mom.
The more I think about it, the more I wonder…who does Emily have that she can be sure of? Who is in her life that will always be there for her?
And the more I question that, the more I realize maybe I’d be interested in taking on the role.
***
That night, I search the house again, trying to find Emily without success. When I can’t find her, I text her again. Front porch is her response.
I slip outside, finding her sitting in one of the two rocking chairs my mother bought for Melody and I as a gift when we moved into this house, though we never really used them. I didn’t have the heart to get rid of them when I got rid of all of Melody’s things, and now, seeing Emily wrapped in a sweater and rocking back and forth in one of the chairs with Teddy in her arms, I’m so glad I didn’t.
“I’m sorry about my mother today,” I tell her, keeping my voice low as I take a seat in the second chair. “I could say she’s just protective, but honestly, it was out of line.”
