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“What?”
“He told me you’re staying with him now because you needed to get out of a sketchy living situation… I don’t want you to feel like you have to live in your car, Emily.”
Emily glares at me, and everything about the way she’s looking at me screams that she wishes she could light me on fire where I stand.
“Let’s get one thing clear, Mr. Palmer. I do not now, nor have I ever lived in a car.”
Her words come out a staccato of disgust, and I can tell I’ve done more than just ruffle her feathers.
“I am very capable of keeping a roof over my head, and no, that doesn’t include the roof of any kind of motor vehicle.”
I lift both hands. “Okay, I get you.”
“Good.”
She spins around and walks into the kitchen, taking up space at the sink and turning on the water to wash off a few dishes.
I don’t know what to say to try to fix this. I meant to walk in and talk to her about living here, but instead I’ve clearly screwed the whole thing up.
I back up and try again.
“I just want you to know, we can absolutely change your position to a live-in nanny if it’s something you need as—”
Emily slams the now clean sippy cup on the counter and spins around to glare at me.
“Apparently, I need to make more than one thing clear. You are not the shining knight galloping in to save the day here, alright? I’m a live-in nanny by trade. That’s the kind of position I want, and what I’ve always wanted, but it is not something I need. Like I said, I’m very capable of taking care of myself.”
She tilts her chin back.
“If you needed a live-in nanny, you would have said that in the beginning. You very obviously don’t, so offering it now feels like a farce that would make both of us uncomfortable. I’d rather you just…drop it.”
Her voice cracks slightly at the end of her declaration before she turns around and faces the sink again, and I know I’ve pushed her too far.
Or at least, I’ve pushed her too far without giving anything to make her feel more secure.
I toss my words around in my head for a minute as Emily busies herself with dishes, trying to figure out the best way to put this so that she understands where I’m coming from. Because really, I do want her to live here if it will help her, but I also have selfish reasons for wanting her here.
Instead of trying to make this about her, I make it about me and try to be as honest as possible.
“The day I hired you, I was afraid.”
I see her pause her movements, though she doesn’t turn around.
“I was afraid because I was happy being a stay-at-home dad, and suddenly there’s this young woman who is so much more capable than I am gearing up to take better care of my son than I ever could. So, yeah, when you brought up the live-in part of your position, I shut it down quickly. Because…how can I let you be here, all the time, seeing the way I’m struggling so hard to raise my kid? There’s a difference between watching him during the day and being here constantly, witnessing the way I parent…all the mistakes I make.”
For whatever reason, that’s the moment she chooses to turn around and look at me.
“The truth is: I’ve probably needed a live-in nanny since the second Melody passed away, but I definitely need one now. Teddy hasn’t stayed overnight in his crib once since his mom died. He climbs out every night and comes in to sleep with me, which means I don’t get enough sleep and my son is dealing with something I don’t know how to fix.”
I pause, making sure she’s really listening when I tell her this next part.
“So I don’t want you getting this mixed up. I’m not assuming it’s me swooping in to save the day. If anything, it’s you who would be doing the saving.”
We both watch each other for a long moment, and if I spot it correctly, it seems like Emily’s eyes turn a little bit glassy.
“Well when you put it like that, I’d be doing you a pretty big favor then, huh?” she says, the slightly teasing lilt in her tone causing me to chuckle lightly.
“Yeah, actually,” I reply. “You would be.”
