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My jaw clenches.
“My mother was never going to be the person who went to therapy to get better for me, and I couldn’t sit around waiting for her to figure that out. You have to decide that your life is more important than your anger, and once you do, it won’t be about what’s fair. It’ll be about what helps make your life better.”
I let out another long sigh, knowing Emily really shouldn’t be the person I talk to about this.
And yet, this was the exact conversation I needed, at the exact right time.
God, she really is saving us.
“Can I ask another question?”
I lick my lips and nod, already knowing what she’s going to ask.
“How did she…pass?”
“You mean there aren’t rumors about that, too?”
Instead of smiling, Emily just watches me silently, giving me the time I need to answer. To vocalize what happened since that first phone call I made to my father after I found out.
I’ve felt a lot of conflict about Mel’s death over the past few months. I’ve cried. I’ve raged. I’ve thrown things. I’ve gotten wasted. Regrettably, a few times, I’ve cursed her memory and spat into the wind, telling myself she got what she deserved.
But the truth is…I loved her.
Which is why talking about her passing is so difficult, even though it feels like enough time has passed that I should be able to discuss it without wanting to down a bottle of whiskey and forget my own name.
“She drowned,” I finally say, “in a pool. At a hotel in Santa Barbara.”
Emily’s hand comes up to cover her mouth in shock.
“Police reviewed the security footage and said she tripped. Her head hit the edge and she was under for too long.” I swallow thickly, a lump in my throat making it difficult to get the words out. “It was a place she stayed near the hospital sometimes instead of on-call rooms when her schedule was super busy and…well, I want to assume she was there alone but I highly doubt it.” I shrug. “I guess you can understand why I got mad at you about getting into the pool with Teddy, now, huh?”
I expect her to at least laugh a little, something small to help deflate the discomfort of the topic, but instead she just reaches her hand out and rests it on one of mine. Her thumb strokes lightly along my skin, and I hate how much I like it—how soothing it is—especially in the wake of what we’re talking about.
“I’m so sorry, Colton,” she says, her voice barely louder than a whisper.
Clearing my throat, I take a step backwards.
“Alright, well…I won’t bother you with this any more. Or, I’ll try not to at least,” I tell her, and heading to the door. “But thanks for giving me a minute to apologize. I’ll let you get back to your…work,” I say, my eyes falling down to take in the thick books on her bed.
Business books.
“You taking an online class?” I ask, eager for a change in topic.
She pulls her laptop back in front of her. “Yeah, I’m doing an MBA program online.”
“Wow. Well, good luck with that.”
“Thanks. It’s been slow-going because I can only afford to take one or two classes at a time, but I’m finally graduating in December. So…I’m very excited.”
For whatever reason, the fact she’s going to school for her MBA doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. If anything, it makes me beam with pride for her, that she’s constantly pushing. Like August said, she’s busting her ass to change her life.
I give her a wave and head out of her room then walk the short distance to mine, leaning against the door and staring at…nothing.
Emily is in there doing MBA work at night after taking care of my kid all day, doing her best to improve herself so she can go after her dreams. And I’m in here, sleeping on the floor because I still haven’t replaced the furniture Melody picked out that I shipped off to her parents.
I sigh, slumping down and taking a seat on the ground right there at the door.
Maybe Emily’s right. Maybe I do need to talk to somebody and stop focusing on what’s fair. Because Melody is dead, and she’s never coming back. I can’t wait around for her to repair the damage she caused.
