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“Hmm, some positives and some negatives.”
“Oh yeah? Just give me a few minutes to freshen up and I’ll come help you. Then we can talk some more.” He kisses the top of my head and disappears up the stairs. A few minutes later, he’s back, freshly showered and wearing comfortable sweatpants. He comes over to me. “What are you making?”
“Just some tacos. Could you make up a salsa with the chopped onions and tomatoes there?”
“Sure thing.” He reaches over to one of the kitchen cupboards and takes out a bowl. “So, talk to me.”
I tell him about my meeting with Peyton. He listens to me in attentive silence. When I come to the end of my tale, he frowns. “Mel, are you really prepared to go live in an unknown planet all on your own apart from a handful of other humans in your delegation? What if it isn’t safe?”
“I’m not too worried about safety. The Venorians have interacted with the Driskians for decades, and by all accounts, they’re an extremely peaceful race.”
“I worry about you.”
“I know you do, but it will be okay. I’m sure of it.”
“So, you’re still set on this? There’s a plan B, you know. Didn’t Elise say she could help you get back into the political scene here?”
“She did, but the more I think about it, the more I’m sure I want to continue working in interplanetary relations. I don’t want to get back into politics here. Now that I’ve had time away from that toxic environment, I’m not too keen to get back into the snake pit.”
Wyatt heaves a long breath as he takes the bowl of salsa to the table and starts setting it with plates and cutlery. “No, I guess you’re right. I just hate to see you go so far away, someplace where I won’t even be able to have access to a video chat with you.”
I’m silent, trying to hold in the suggestion, but then it comes out anyway. “You could go with me.”
He doesn’t speak as I bring the food to the table. I rush to fill the silence. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He glares at me. “No, you should. You have every right to want me by your side. It frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t just say yes. Apart from the fact I’d be leaving behind everything I’ve built here with my practice, turning my back on family and friends who matter to me and that I’d be a useless appendage at your side, I can’t even contemplate setting foot on a drone, let alone a spaceship.”
We’ve been over this in all the conversations we had before I moved to Mars and filed for divorce. Wyatt’s fear of flying is real, born of a childhood drone accident. He’s tried all kinds of therapies to get over it, but none of them worked. I make up a taco, spooning the meat sauce—with real meat, not the synthetic stuff—and piling it high with guacamole, salsa and sour cream. I add a generous sprinkling of cheese, then offer it up to Wyatt. He takes it from me gratefully. In a soothing voice, I say, “I know honey. That’s why I shouldn’t have asked.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? I thought before, when we got the divorce, that that would be the end, but somehow we strung it out. With you going to live on Driskia, now it feels final.”
“Yes. We’re going to have to cut the cord eventually.”
We don’t say anything more for a long time as we eat. What else is there to say? I love Wyatt, but not enough to give up my dreams. I’m selfish that way, I know. No, hang on. I’m not going to do this to myself. It’s not selfish to want to chase my dreams and to want to make something more of my life. Anyhow, it works both ways. He doesn’t love me enough to overcome his fear of flying and go with me. Sacrifices are involved on both sides, sacrifices which neither of us are willing to make. So, it’s finally time to move on and not look back.
Chapter 5
Wyatt
Tonight, I make love to Melinda in a frenzy of passion. She’s about to slip through my fingers, but while she’s here, she’s still mine. I worship every inch of her lovely body, bringing her to orgasm after orgasm. I’ve had years to study her. I know how to make her come. I lick her pussy like it’s my final meal, and I fuck her over and over again with my cock, hitting all the right spots to make her come for me. I fucking love this woman. I’ve tried so hard to get over her. It hasn’t worked. She’s in my blood and she always will be.
Now, as she sleeps tucked against me, I contemplate my lonely future. Apart from that one date with Callie, I’ve been alone the last three years, leaning on a handful of close friends, my brother and his family for company when life got too lonely. I know they think I should just get over Mel and get myself a new girlfriend. Eventually, I hope I will. Otherwise, my future looks very bleak. Mel’s not coming back. Now that she’s got the space travel bug, she’s going to be exploring planet after planet, maybe returning to Earth for a few weeks here and there, but nothing more. I have to fucking accept that.
On the back of that thought, I remember what she said at dinner tonight.You could go with me. In that moment, I felt a spark of hope. Yeah, I should go with her. She’s my girl, damn it! It might not be official anymore, but I don’t fucking care about the legalities. Neither of us has moved on in all this time we’ve been apart. That must mean something.
I should go with her. I try to visualize myself on a spaceship and immediately, the nausea is there, overwhelming me yet again.Shit. I take deep breaths in and out, trying to chase it away. When it finally subsides, I’m left with a deep sadness. I’m losing the woman I love because I’m a coward. That’s the bottom line.
Even knowing that doesn’t change things. I can’t wake up the following morning with a renewed sense of courage and be a better person. It doesn’t work that way. No, I’m stuck being the chicken shit who can’t fly and who doesn’t deserve to keep the precious woman who has indelibly marked my heart. Maybe she will meet someone out there on a faraway planet who will make her happy. It guts me to think of it, but she deserves that at least.
In the meantime, we have three more days together before she’s due to return to Mars. I’m not going to waste that time with arguments. No, I’m going to worship my woman every night and show her just how much I love her. And then after that, I’ll just have to deal with the loss and get on with my life without her.
Chapter 6
Melinda
Friday morning arrives and with it, the moment of truth. As I make breakfast, I wait with bated breath for the call that will tell me where I stand with my candidacy. I’m just pouring out my second cup of coffee when my communicator rings. It’s Peyton.
“Good morning,” I say, picking up.
