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“Do you think you may ever return to him and be mated again?”
“It’s been three years, Kirimor. I think it’s fairly clear that we’re over.”
He looks at me consideringly. “No, that is not what I sensed when I scanned you. It felt a lot more recent than that.”
I play with the soft tassel on the armrest of my seat. “I—we still get together, whenever I am back on Earth.”
“You still fuck?”
I raise my brow at his indelicate language. “Yes.”
“And next time you return to your home planet, you will fuck him again?”
“I don’t know. It depends on him too, if he’s met someone else and started a new relationship.”
“So far, in all this time, he has not started another relationship and neither have you. Is that correct?”
“We tried dating others at first, but it didn’t feel right. Not for me, and I think not for him either.”
“So what you are telling me is that you are still essentially mates, even though you are currently living apart.”
I’m about to deny this, then relent. “Well, that’s one way to put it.”
He doesn’t say anything more. After a while, I sneak a glance at him. His face is set in a deep frown. I don’t like seeing it on him at all.
“Kirimor, talk to me.”
He raises glittering eyes to mine. I catch my breath at the anger in them.
“So, Melinda, you have an ex-mate who you still love and fuck occasionally, yet you judge me for my drashas. What if I were to tell you that I too do not share? I do not share what is mine with anybody else. If I make you mine, then you will be all mine, no one else’s.”
“Bullshit! You’re in no position to say that when you get to fuck other women all the time.”
I watch him count to ten in his mind and pour himself another shot of Lom. “I see I shall require all the help I can get to maintain my temper,” he grits out.
He drains the glass and puts it down. With a deep indrawn breath, he grunts, “I do not share my heart and soul with my drashas, Melinda. I simply fuck them in the temple when my holy trances render me unbearably lustful. It is a physical release, nothing more. My drashas live under my roof, but in their own private quarters. Every night, I sleep alone, Melinda. If I were to make you mine, you would be the only female in my heart and in my bed.”
“You eat your meals with them and have fathered their children. I think it’s quite a lot more than just a physical release, Kirimor.”
“Yes, we eat together. I want my children to enjoy the company of both their parents. Why is that wrong?”
“I didn’t say it was wrong. I was only disputing your claim that the relationship you have with your drashas is purely physical, and thus easy for me to overlook. It isn’t.”
“No easier than it is for me to overlook your mate back on Earth who is still in your heart.”
“So, we both have baggage.”
He sighs, “Yes, we do. Life is complicated, never simple.”
We lapse back into silence. His tail snakes around my neck, the tip stroking my cheek gently. His large hands enfold mine. “And in the midst of all these complications, there are these feelings between us,” he says softly. “I wish it were not so. I wish I could turn my back and let you go on your way, you and this ex-husband of yours. But I cannot, for you are now in my heart, Melinda.”
He lifts my right hand and places it on his chest. My palm presses on warmth and firm muscle through the fabric of his shirt. I drop my head on to his shoulder, feeling a strange combination of sad, happy, peaceful and mellow. It must be the effects of the Lom kicking in.
“Kirimor,” I breathe. “I have feelings for you too, but I can’t let myself love you. It would just be a recipe for heartbreak.”
“And yet my heart is yours, my love. Only yours. Is that not enough for you?”
“I can’t get past the fact that you have sex with other women, Kirimor. I’m just not programmed that way.”
