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Seeing the glass of water and tablets on the night stand beside the bed, I hesitate for only a second before taking them. My body aches in both a good and bad way. It’s only as I reach into my drawer for my birth control that a thought occurs to me; I had been so consumed with them that I didn’t even insist on protection or checking with them that they were clean.
A strange thing to think about when the men in question kill people.
I know I should feel guilty about the path I am taking. I am not just breaking the rules, I am pouring gasoline on the rulebook and setting it alight while roasting marshmallows over the flames.
There's an allure to their darkness, a magnetic pull that draws me closer even as I wrestle with my own sanity.
I’m not sure if the picture of corruption that the files were starting to paint is what is contributing to my complete disregard for all ethics.
A nagging worry creeps in that I should have been more cautious. But in the haze of passion, rationality gave way to reckless abandon. The truth is, in that moment I wanted to surrender to them completely, to experience pleasure that transcended the boundaries of safety and sanity.
I push aside the lingering doubts and remind myself that it's too late to change what has already transpired. My encounter with these men was a choice I made, driven by an insatiable hunger for something more, something beyond the boundaries of normalcy.
Getting out of bed I carefully inspect the dressings on my wounds, finding comfort in the fact that they look waterproof. It seems they took care to ensure that my physical well-being was attended to, despite the darkness that enveloped our encounters.
Walking into the bathroom I turn on the shower, stepping into the warm cascade of water. I let it wash away any lingering physical remnants of the previous night, but it can't wash away the questions that linger in my mind. How did I end up in this twisted situation? What does it mean for me moving forward? And most importantly, what is it about them that draws me in despite the darkness that surrounds them?
Exiting the shower, I wrap myself in a towel, my mind still swirling with conflicting thoughts. I know I need time to sort through it all, to understand the depths of my desires and the risks I have taken. But one thing is certain—I willfully took steps in a direction that I thought I would never go, and there may not be any turning back now.
As I get dressed I realize that none of the cuts on my skin are in places that would be visible while wearing my regular work attire. The only one that comes close is the one I caused by pressing myself against Dare’s blade. It's just another confusing note to add to my ever growing pile of confusion.
Taking the easy approach, instead of using makeup to cover the bruises on my neck, I choose a turtle neck blouse to go under my blazer. The fabric is soft against my skin and hides an array of sins.
Leaving the bedroom I head out the door, my mind still in a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and emotions. I step into my car, ready to continue my routine and find a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos that has become my life.
As I drive towards my usual drive-thru for coffee and a bagel, I find the entrance blocked off, a sign indicating that it's temporarily closed. Frustration tugs at me, but I quickly adapt, parking my car and deciding to go into the cafe instead. It's a small disruption to my routine, but one that feels symbolic of the changes that have taken place within me.
Entering the cafe, I join the line, my mind still preoccupied with the events of the past nights. The scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, momentarily distracting me from my thoughts. After placing my order and paying, I move to the side to wait for my food and coffee when I hear something that I didn’t expect.
“Darling!”
Turning, I meet familiar eyes sitting at a table by the window. After accepting my order from the barista, I slowly move over to the person who called my name.
“It’s Max isn’t it?” I say, though I already know the answer, I remember it very clearly.
He smiles a mile wide and I force a smile in response as though his presence here, in my regular cafe, a street away from my rental house, wasn’t setting my nerves on end. I try to keep my composure, reminding myself that it could all be a mere coincidence.
"Yes," he replies, his voice laced with a mix of familiarity and excitement. He leans back in his chair, his eyes studying me intently. "I never thought I'd run into you here. What a pleasant surprise. I must say, you look as captivating as ever."
I nod politely, suppressing the urge to ask how he knew about my regular cafe. Instead, I divert the conversation, hoping to keep things casual. "What brings you here? Just grabbing a coffee?"
Max leans back in his chair, his gaze fixed on me. There's an intensity in his eyes that makes me uneasy. "Yes, I love the coffee here. Actually, since you’re here, I've been thinking about our conversation and the offer I made. Have you had a chance to think it over?"
"I do appreciate your offer, Max," I reply, trying to sound grateful without revealing my reservations. "But right now, I need to get to the office and continue my work."
Max's smile falters slightly, but he nods understandingly. "Of course, Darling. Your dedication to your work is one of the things I admire about you. Take care, and remember, I'm only a call away."
With that, I bid him a polite farewell and make my way out of the cafe, the encounter leaving me with more questions than answers.
As I get back into my car, I take a deep breath, trying to push aside the unsettling encounter with Max. I have a job to do, an investigation to pursue. The twisted dance I find myself in won't unravel itself, and I can't afford to be distracted by past acquaintances.
Starting the engine, I head toward the office. I’m so hungry that I devour my bagel before I even make it to the parking garage. As I drive into the parking garage of my office building, I notice a couple of cars pulling in behind me. It's an uncommonly busy morning, and the usual quiet is replaced by the hustle and bustle as I step out of my car, coffee in hand.
Just as I begin walking towards the entrance, I hear someone calling out my name. I turn my head and see Mark, the crime scene technician, approaching me with a friendly smile.
"Hey, it's good to see you," Mark says, his tone warm and inviting even after how our last encounter left off. "I was just heading in. How have you been?"
I force another smile onto my face, but already my nerves are wearing thin and I haven’t made it in the door yet. "I've been...busy," I reply, keeping my response vague. "Lots of things going on."
