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“Wow,” I say. That orgasm was like nothing I’ve ever felt. It was an amazing gift. But Rev gave me another gift. I know now what it’s like to have something inside me and not to panic. I know how amazing it can be.Thatis the best gift of all.
Chapter 18
Cora
After washing up,I find Rev towering over the sink in my kitchen, drying last night’s mugs with a tea towel. He’s wearing his jeans, but that’s it. His bare feet pad on the peeling linoleum as he searches for the right cabinet. When he finds it, I watch every muscle in his arms and shoulders flex as he deposits the mugs where they belong. His back is covered in dark-gray and black wings, and I can tell they cover up other tattoos. He’s like a fallen angel, and he can play me like a harp anytime.
At the sound of my shuffling feet, he turns, and his smile-lines deepen. How had I ever thought he wasn’t handsome? He’s definitely handsome, in a wanted-outlaw kind of way. I love looking at him. I love learning from him.
“Thank you,” I say from the doorway to the kitchen. “For everything.”
“Just doin’ my part to keep things tidy.”
I’m thanking him for much more than doing dishes, and the significant look between us proves we both know it.
Smiling from ear to ear, I practically dive into him and wrap my arms around his waist. His chest is a firm, warm pillow for my cheek, and I’m reminded of our morning of exploration.
A deep sigh escapes my lungs as Rev wraps his arms tight around me. He holds me like that for a while, never waning in strength, and I don’t want it to end.
“I wish I didn’t have to do my chores,” I say. “I want to stay here with you. And I have all my new clothes to put away.”
He kisses the top of my head. “You’re not beholden to anyone here, little one. You’re one of us. It’s not like any of us work around the clock. We do our jobs, but mostly, we like those jobs. And we take plenty of time to do our own activities, too. If you want to take the morning for yourself, you take it. In fact, unless I miss my guess, you might have some thinkin’ to do after our talk last night.” At this, he curls a finger under my chin and lifts my face so he can study me.
He’s right. I do have a lot to think about. But is he right that I can just hide out here in my cabin for the morning and do my own thing? I doubt Jud would be okay with that.
As if he can read my thoughts, Rev says, “I’ll bring you a plate of whatever Shep serves up for breakfast and let Jud know where you’re at. Anyone wants to see you, they can come on out and say hi, offer to help you with whatyouwant to do. That includes the big man on campus,” he adds with a grin.
I shake my head in disbelief. “You really are a perfect daddy.”
A groan cuts from him a moment before he dives in for a brief, hot kiss. Then I’m alone with my presents…and my thoughts, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long, long time.
My hands are busy folding and putting away clothes as the morning passes, but my mind is busy with other things. Like the fact I made myself come this morning using my own hand, and that I actually inserted my finger! Without fear or panic or any kind of negative feelings! Somehow, Rev knew the perfect way to heal me. I honestly think I can be fully intimate with my guys now, and it’s all because of Rev.
I also think about how this is the first time I’ve had alone time since arriving at Eagle Peak. It’s been a week, and I feel like every hour of my life has been accounted for. I didn’t realize until being alone this morning how stressful it is being in the company of another person—seven other persons—constantly. Having some free time to get acquainted with my cabin and tidy things up and just tothinkis showing me how badly I need to make sure I use my agency to claim this kind of reprieve for myself often.
While I make my bed, I think about what Rev said about how it’s big enough to hold more than one man at a time. I think about how Scrap and Rev like to spend time together and how Rev said the three of us might spend a night together when I’m ready. I consider Brawn’s confession that he likes to watch and be watched in the bedroom. I think about how there are seven men here, all of whom I want to spend time with, but how there’s only one of me, and how they shouldn’t have to wait a full week to spend private time with me and howIshouldn’t have to wait to be with each of them.
I promise myself I’m going to take more control of my own time. I’ll use my agency to enjoy my guys as I see fit. If I want to spend a couple hours with Grim in his camper, I’ll do it. If I want to use the zip line and then make out with Doc in the treehouse in the same day, I’ll do that too. And maybe that night, I’ll take Shep and Brawn to my bed. My wanting isn’t limited to one man each day a week, so why should my nights be limited? The same goes for my daylight hours. I should be able to spend time with whomever I want and do with them whatever I want.
Unfortunately, making up my mind and confronting Jud are two different things.
It’s two hours to lunch when I take stock of my work. My breakfast plate and coffee mug are drying in the rack, my bed is made, my bathroom is cleaned, and my new clothes are either put away or heaped in a laundry basket for washing—I’ve never worn a new pair of underwear without washing them first, and I don’t plan to start now.
I should probably check in with Shep to see if he needs help, but I remember Rev telling me I’m free to do as I please, just like the others here. What I please right now is to see Grim. I haven’t gotten to exchange more than a few words with him in several days, and Imisshim.
Before I go to Grim’s camper, I drop off my breakfast dishes with Shep and make sure he’s not too overwhelmed. He reassures me with a kiss on my cheek that he’s not, and as I head out to Grim’s camper, I promise myself I’ll spend time with Shep soon.
A knock on the camper door brings no answer. With a sigh, I try not to feel defeated. I suppose I could do my laundry or practice my crocheting. Or visit Scrap in his shop. Already, I miss Rev, and I wonder if he’s gone down into the tunnels to try and learn something from the pelican.
While I’m deciding where to go next, the sound of heavy footsteps comes from around the corner of the camper. As I look up, a large, burly body moves around the plastic siding and into sight. I don’t know who it is at first, because the man is pulling off his shirt, and the black fabric is obscuring his face. But as I get an eyeful of his torso, pale and dusted with dark hair all the way down to the waistband of his trackpants, I know who it is.
“Ivan.” I breathe the given name of the settlement’s Grim Reaper, and my heart leaps. It’s incredibly good to see him. I hope he doesn’t have anything he needs to rush off and do, because I’m craving his attention. I’m spending the night with him tonight, but, selfishly, I want him during the day, too. Thanks to Rev, I’m learning that I’m allowed to want. I’m allowed to take.
Grim stops short and yanks the shirt off. Wild-eyed, shirt in hand, he stares. “Cora? What are you doing here?” A crooked smile assures me he’s just as delighted to see me as I am to see him.
I launch myself at him and throw my arms around his neck. “I’m here to see you. I want to spend time with you…if you’re not busy.”
“Never too busy for my sunshine.” Grim lifts me until my legs wrap around his hips. His body is warmer than usual, and when I cover his face with kisses, I taste salt. He’s sweaty, shirtless, and sexy as all get out.
