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A long list of all my failings came to mind, followed by the deep-seated hunger I had for power. The temptation of beingthealpha was like forbidden fruit that I couldn’t help but want.
‘Your thoughts are exactly why you were chosen. You acknowledge the wildness, the hunger. You know it’s there, and you accept it. Fighting it is useless, as is ignoring it. You’ve proven to yourself and to me that you are the best.’
The Moon Spirit’s eyes seemed to sparkle in the darkness, filled with admiration and pride. Somehow, I’d impressed her.
“I’m not worthy of your consideration,” I said, my head bowed in reverence.
‘No, but you have it regardless.’The white wolf stood up and shook out its fur.‘The next choice is yours. Balance must be restored with or without you.’
With those ominous last words, the wolf shimmered and disappeared. Its position now brightly lit with moonlight.
I remained on my knees, unable to find the strength to rise after seeing and conversing with my creator.
The Moon Spirit choosing Pearl wasn’t a surprise, but me in extension never crossed my mind. Unbidden thoughts bombarded me, doubts and fear hitting me from every side. How could I be what the Moon Spirit needed me to be?
The question was familiar, and I took a second to recall where I had heard it before.
How can I be the mate that she needs me to be?
It was a question I’d read repeatedly in the journal I’d been given. That wolf had asked himself the same question over and over again. He hadn’t been given the answer but worked to become the alpha worthy of the Alpha Seeker. He’d gained powers that were unheard of at the time while I’d known about the well inside me from a very young age. Accessing them had been my problem before, but with Pearl by my side…
No!
The lust for power surged in my mind. Its seductive voice urged me to do whatever it took to gain access to that well and use it.
That was the darkness talking. The wildness inside of my wolf trying to gain a foothold.
The path in front of me was clear, and the solution was right in front of me. All I needed to do was reach out and take it. Once I did, the hunger would disappear because of the balance my mate would provide me.
My body was running before my brain could compute, running back the way I’d come. My wolf snarled in my head, pissed that we’d left our mate in the first place.
* * *
Pearl
I couldn’t blame Rylan for leaving. It was a lot to ask of anyone, let alone a mate. I understood that he needed to think, but that didn’t stop it from hurting. I was used to heartache, but I never thought I’d have any when it came to my mate.
My skin itched, and my wolf paced inside my head, needing to be let out to run off our frustrations. He hadn’t rejected us, but the wolf didn’t see the gray areas that humans did, so to her, him needing thinking time was just a different form of rejection.
She whined, a painful sound that just added to the ache in my chest.
My bare feet crunched as I strolled through the trees, the surrounding darkness only broken by the moon.
Usually, a stroll through the dark would ease my anxiety, but tonight was different. As I walked, I felt the presence of the Moon Spirit beside me. The wolf’s footsteps mirrored my own, close but not intrusive.
It was comforting to have the wolf nearby, but I worried it was near because it knew that Rylan wouldn’t be returning.
I gritted my teeth against the shot of pain the thought brought. Accepting that Rylan was my mate wasn’t easy, but now that I had, I couldn’t imagine doing what I had to without him. I’d gotten my hopes up, and now I was back to square one.
‘Don’t be too sure of that,’the Moon Spirit spoke softly in my mind, like it knew something I didn’t.‘The time will soon come when your gifts are needed. Stay close to him, and remember that touch can clear the mind.’
With those last ominous words, the Moon Spirit’s presence disappeared. I had no idea what the meaning behind the words was, but I’d learned that the answer would come in time.
My wolf whined again, and I felt like joining her in a sorrowful lament. I gritted my teeth and instead kept walking.
I passed the pond and considered going to it but decided against it since I didn’t think I could stomach the memories. Skirting around it, I kept going with no destination in mind.
I couldn’t go back to my home because it smelled of Rylan and me. The whole place was a map of our coupling, and while I didn’t remember most of it, my imagination was good at filling in the blanks. Hence the heartache.
