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“Wow.”
She sounded as impressed as he had felt. His heart did a drum roll. “I was pretty impressed with myself. But I think God was wondering why it took me so long.”
“He knows why.”
Alex allowed himself to relax into her a little. She didn’t shift away. “You think?”
“He knew what I’d been up to.” She sounded very sure of herself. “He wasn’t happy about it. But he forgave me and gave me a fresh start. Which I immediately proceeded to mess up. That’s the amazing thing. I have to keep reminding myself, he’ll pick me up every time I fall. For the first time in my life, I can trust someone. I don’t have to be perfect, he won’t give up on me if he finds me lacking.”
“That’s good, Deborah.” Alex envied her newfound faith. “I’m not sure I can forgive Him.”
“Forgive Him?” Her voice crackled with dismay. Maybe he’d made a mistake being honest. “He’s done everything for you. Given everything for you.”
The pounding of the rain matched the pounding of Alex’ heart. “He didn’t save my parents’ marriage. He didn’t save my sister.”
“My parents got divorced, too.” The edge in her voice told him they were getting closer to the crux of her problem.
“More than half of all marriages end in divorce.” He didn’t want to be another statistic.
She sighed. “Which is why you can’t commit in a relationship.”
She was a smart woman. “Don’t see you doing it either.” They both chuckled, but Alex heard a trickle of despair in her laughter. She was silent for a few seconds. “Your sister died?”
She’d switched tracks, but Alex could follow her train of thought. “My mom was a nurse. After the divorce she worked all the time. She wasn’t around. Then my sister moved out. To live with her boyfriend. They had a fight. He got drunk and shot her to death.” A quick, bare recital worked best. Even after all these years, it was difficult to muster the neutral tone necessary to get through it. “When the police went after him, he killed himself. They were twenty years old.”
She sighed again. “The boyfriend killed your sister. Not God. Was she a Christian?”
Emotion he’d smothered for years suddenly had a strangle hold on his throat. He inhaled and exhaled, scrambling to get a grip on it. “I don’t know.” His voice only cracked a little.
“That’s very hard, isn’t it?” She kept her head down, her wet hair draped across her face, hiding her eyes. He slipped the hair back behind her ear. She looked up at him, the darkness hiding her expression. He’d held on to his anger over his sister’s death for a long time. Letting it go would be a relief. He wasn’t sure how to do it, but Deborah was right. He knew his sister would want him to be happy.
“Don’t let it happen to you.” Deborah spoke before he could, emotion making her voice quiver, even as her tone was adamant.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re a police officer, Alex. You could get killed tomorrow. Today. Get straight with God before it’s too late. It may have been too late for your sister, but it’s not too late for you.”
Easier said than done. “How did you do it?”
“Counseling. AA. Friends. Church. Letting go of my anger. Letting go, period. Trusting. It’s hard for me to trust people, but Jesus, I can count on. So can you.” Her voice broke. “I don’t have many friends. If I make it to eternity, I’d like to know you’ll be there, too.”
Alex closed his eyes, willing the tears to disappear. He hadn’t cried since his sister’s death. His arm tightened around her, seemingly of its own accord. He listened to the wind lash tree branches against the building. It sounded like the barn would be ripped from the foundation. Yet, they were safe. “I’ll try.”
“Thank you.”
“How long do you think this’ll last?” He didn’t want to move. Not yet. Not ever.
“Not long. It’s too ferocious. It’ll blow out of here pretty quick.”
“Thank you, Miss Meteorologist.”
“You asked.”
They both chuckled, but Alex still heard the sound.
A rustling sound. It came from the hayloft. There it was again. An animal? It could be a possum or a rat. Or an animal of the two-legged variety. They should have swept the place before making themselves at home. It had such an empty feel to it, he had been sure the barn was abandoned.
Had someone heard their conversation? Anger to course through him. It had been private—very private. He could see from Deborah’s face that she’d heard the sound, too. He lifted his index finger to his lips. She nodded and pulled herself to her feet.
