AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’ve been showing up.”
“To the country club, too?” I pressed, and he got an odd expression which I recognized. It was the same one he got when he was going to sneak out to drink, a kind of furtive, hooded look on his face. “What’s going on there?” I asked immediately.
“Looks like a lot of golf and iced tea, as far as I can tell,” he said. “I don’t know what those people do. Worry about their stock portfolios? Talk about polo? I don’t care.”
“Don’t try to avoid the subject at hand.”
“Don’t try to interrogate me!” he snapped back. “You’ve always done that.”
I’d always had to do it, to make sure that he was on the right path, not doing something (else) that would jeopardize our home and our weird family unit. Like, I’d been the one who’d discovered that he and a buddy from the bar had been thinking about smuggling cigarettes into Canada by boat, a ten-foot dinghy across Lake Huron. That would not have ended well. I’d also been the one who’d realized that the “bank account” where he was keeping the money from the paychecks he cashed was actually a shoe box under his bed and he’d had no idea, none, how much was in there at any given moment. It was why our bills generally went unpaid after Aubin had moved out, which had also been a threat until I’d taken over that duty.
I wasn’t deterred now. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” he told me angrily, but then, to my astonishment…
“Are you blushing?” I asked incredulously. “What in the heck?”
My dad got out of the car and strode off toward the building. “I’m working, Sissy. I thought that was what you wanted.”
“And that was all he would say!” I marveled to Bowie as I spooned up a large helping of pasta onto his plate. He still looked peaked to me, so I also got him a glass of seaweed drink that was supposed to be healing.
“Sounds like a woman is involved.”
“He hasn’t really been with anyone since my mom, nothing but one-night kind of stuff. That’s a long time to be alone.” I played with a piece of ziti.
“How do you know that about him?” Bowie asked.
“I keep track, I guess.” I shrugged, dismissing how much I’d been aware of. It did sound pretty creepy. “Maybe he’ll get married again. That would probably be good for him.”
“You think he needs a keeper.”
“Doesn’t he?”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time here, and the world hasn’t stopped spinning,” he noted.
“I’m still keeping track and running things.”
He put down his fork and looked at me. “Is that why you won’t marry me?”
“What?”
“Is it that you think you’ll have to take care of me, too?”
“No, it’s absolutely not that at all,” I answered. “Not in any way. But marriage is serious.” It didn’t have to be, though, because of divorce. Because of annulments, because of separations, because more than half of couples split, didn’t they? Maybe I should have thought about it that way, instead of as a lifetime thing like he’d claimed to want. When Bowie met someone new, someone he really wanted to marry and not just save, or when Ward was definitely out of the picture, we could split.
I looked up to find him watching me.
“I’m an adult, Lissa.”
“I think I just acknowledged that fact.”
“You’re trying to protect me from my own decisions. I know that’s what you’re doing. You’re thinking about how this would affect me, how I would be burdened by you. Is that right?” He shook his head. “I’m an adult, and I was the one who came up with this plan. Don’t think about me. Think about yourself and if this is the best decision you could make.” He picked up my hand like he’d done at the table at Woodsmen Stadium and I held onto his fingers.
“I can’t think about only myself like I’m in a vacuum. It’s all about you, too,” I said. No matter how many other people played into it, my dad and Ward and Ward’s parents and Mr. Coelho from the conference room and everyone else—no matter what, this was about Bowie.
“It’s what’s best for both of us.” He held my hand to his cheek, which felt cooler now.
I’d helped with that. He’d needed me when he was sick. He could have gotten through it on his own, but I’d helped him. I could do that again, I thought. Marriage could be good for him, too. I’d keep the cupboards filled with groceries so that he never worried about having food here and I’d make things other than hot dogs every night. I’d fix up this apartment so that it felt more like a home, not just a place to drop his stuff and sleep. I’d teach him to dance beautifully. I would be the best friend he could have and that would make me the best wife, too.
