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It’s not written on his face or in his voice; it’s just the words he says with that deadpan voice of his. He loves acting like I’m a kid who doesn’t know anything. However, everything tells me he’s the last boy I should be in a car with.
I gulp before nodding and hurrying out of the car, rushing back to Chester.
“Alex,” he hisses as soon as I get in. “Why did you do that? You don’t even know the guy.”
“Don’t worry,” I smile. My heart is beating, the adrenaline rushing through my body, and I kind of like it. I like what I’m about to do next even more. “Start the car.”
He starts without hesitation and drives away just as Xi realizes I’m not coming back to him. The moment we’re on the main road again, I receive another text.
Xi: Why play games when we both know you’re going to lose?
Feeling the excitement coursing through my body, I type back quickly.
Alex: I won’t be another girl on your list. But nice try.
Xi: Alright. We’ll see next time you’re having a baby chick moment if I’ll take care of you.
Alex: Why don’t you just take care of the brunette with you in the car.
Xi: I guess if I don’t have you…she’ll have to do.
I try to ignore the disappointment that makes my heart heavy. It’s annoyingly making me realize how much I like Xi taking care of me.
That’s what he does, isn’t it? He chases, he fucks, he moves on. The guy isn’t waiting for me.
I try my hardest to be disgusted by him. His behavior should make me feel the way it makes Peach and Ella feel. Repulsed and appalled.
So why do I just feel jealous? Why do I crave him and his attention?
It’s because he touched me.
There.
I’ve been craving someone’s touch for so long that my body just dug claws of desire onto the first man who almost gave me pleasure since someone who shouldn’t have did.
I take a deep breath, feeling my thighs tightening as I think back to the night of my birthday.
Why did it feel so good? Why can’t I forget about it? Why did it have to be me whose life he ruined?
A small whimper escapes me, and I feel my body becoming heavy.
No.Not now. Please, not now.
“Chester,” I try to call out as I smell non-existing smoke, but it’s too late.
I hear him saying my name, panic resonating in the car. I take a deep breath, only there’s no point. My muscles start spasming as my throat closes up and my head falls back.
Ringing in my ears.
Darkness at the edge of my vision.
And I’m gone.
I can feel him, right there, him and the smell of burning smoke. He touches me, and he makes me feel good. Too good. I disgust myself.
I feel my chest heaving and my head going from side to side as my body convulses, but I’m not aware for more than a split second, losing consciousness quickly.
I can’t even think of trying to fight it. All I know is that it’s a big one.
