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My eyes flicked onto Hatter’s mismatched ones.
“And you’re absolutelypositivethat it’s not a dick or a cock or a shlong or a penis of any kind?”
“It is not.”
“Fuuuuuuuuuck!”
I sank to the ground, realizing just how fucking tired I truly was.
“I guess I’ll just sit here until I figure it out,” I muttered, adjusting the straps of my bloodstained dress as I turned back to face the Vorpal Sword. My mind raced with possibilities, and I absentmindedly started using the arrow to dig a little hole in the ground as I thought about the riddle that had gone unsolved by me for days.
It had a long, stiff shaft.
The tip penetrates.
It came with a quiver.
And it wasn’t a dick.
Or a cock.
Or a shlong.
Or a penis of any kind.
I was pissed off about my knee, about my shoulder, and annoyed about my dress. I’d been attacked not only by poisonous plants, but an entire chess board of crazy life-sized pieces that wanted nothing more than to kill me. I’d been fried by magic electricity and then drop-kicked.
And for some stupid reason, I’d picked myself up and come back for more.
Maybe I was just as mad as Hatter.
Maybe if I dug a big enough hole, I could crawl through it and leave Wonderland.
I started stabbing harder at the moldy soil, imagining myself crawling through the hole and ending up in that creepy old mansion that I’d followed Winston the White Rabbit to.
That night at the club seemed like another world away.
Technically, it was.
Even if this was still a dream.
What if it wasn’t?
I’d find out where Dinah hid her stash of little blue pills and I’d take one to a private lab to have it analyzed so I could find out if she was actually drugging me with memory erasers that had the ability to hatch into fat worms.
For all I knew, Dinah was just giving me NyQuil to help me sleep better.
What if it wasn’t?
What if Chess and Callister and Winston and Hatter were all right, and Dinahwasn’tsomeone I could trust?
So far, none of my wicked boys of Wonderland had treated me in a way that made them untrustworthy. Callister was an asshole, but at least I understood his reasons why. Hatter was crazy, but in a good, super freaky way.
And Chess...
He acted like a gentleman, what with the tuxedo and the manners, but I had a feeling that he might be the biggest freak of them all.
I already knew he had a long, stiff shaft. I wondered what it would feel like the first time it penetrated me. I wondered if he’d stay in human form or be so overcome with sensation that he’d shift into some kind of monster demon when he came with a quiver deep inside of me.
