Page 96 of Desire


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“This is all very premature,” he grumbles. “Let her sleep. There will be plenty of time to talk later.”

Grayson drags me out of the room, and all I can do is hope that he’s right, because I need Silla in my life.

SILLA

Turning, softness envelops me, along with the soft scent of lilacs and lemon. A soft sigh makes me open my eyes, and I look up into Andrya’s concerned hazel gaze.

“How are you feeling, Beautiful?” she asks softly. My forehead wrinkles at the nickname, but I soften at the thought that she’s been watching over me.

I don’t even know what time it is, and the realization makes me yawn, making me hide my face.

“Better, actually. My head at least doesn’t make me want to claw my face off, so that’s a plus. My cramping is still there, and I’m pretty sure I’ve started my period.” I tell her, wrinkling my nose.

“Sidney went to get you food… Do you want to shower and change before he comes back?” Andrya asks and I nod.

“A shower sounds really good,” I sigh. “I can’t believe I slept the day away. The Warden is going to bite my head off.”

“No, he won’t. He and Isaac came to see you, and were worried. They’re well aware of how sick you’ve been. Ever since the raid, because that's what it was, the Queen’s Mission has been making ridiculous requests,” Andrya sighs.

Shivering, I worry about what that means. “I just don’t understand their intentions with all of this. They achieved nothing other than discord and chaos,” I murmur, slowly sitting up. I’m waiting for my headache to wake up, but other than a small twinge of a reminder, it’s gone.

“It’s been ages since they decided to muddle in our affairs, but it’s happened before,” Andrya tells me, getting up as I do. “I’ll grab a new pair of pajamas for you and your toiletries.”

A small smile flirts on my lips at how much care she takes. “Thank you,” I tell her, putting my shoes on.

The idea of washing my hair exhausts me, but I can feel the sweat dried in it. It’s grossing me out, and I know I’ll feel better after showering.

Opening the door, I wince as my eyes get accustomed to the light. Still, my head feels okay, though there are bursts behind my eyelids from the influx of brightness after so much dark.

“Okay there, Silla?” Andrya asks, her hand on the base of my spine. I can feel myself relaxing into her touch and nod.

I don’t feel as violated by finding her in my bed as I expected to.

“I understand if you’re upset that I was in your bed,” she says softly as we walk to the bathrooms. “I don’t like seeing you like that, and I wanted to hold you, help in any way possible. You relaxed when Sidney was rubbing your stomach because of the cramps, so when he left I took over.” I ask myself how I feel about it, and find I’m more confused by it than anything.

“I don’t understand why you’d care,” I tell her honestly. “You’ve ignored me whenever you walk past me, and won’t look at me in class. What gives? I’m so confused.”

My voice is quiet, my words slightly breathless. These cramps are really taking it out of me today, and I rub my stomach uncomfortably. The little respite I had waking up is starting to wear off.

“I… shit,” Andrya mutters, blowing out a breath. “I didn’t think you’d notice any of that. I’m dealing with a lot of guilt about how I’ve treated you in the past. I’m not a good or even a nice person, and felt you didn’t need me in your life.”

This tracks with what her twin told me, but I don’t understand why she’s here now.

“So… what changed?” I ask, walking into the dormitory bathrooms. People are at dinner, so the place is abandoned.

“I realized I didn’t want there to be space between us anymore. You intrigue me, Silla. I want to get to know you the way you have been with Sidney and my brother,” she says softly.

Not much has happened between us other than kissing, but I still begin to chew on my bottom lip.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Andrya says. “If you’re not into me, prefer men, or can’t forgive me for what happened.” I can hear tears hidden in the fabric of her voice, and my steps stutter.

“Andrya, I said nothing of the sort. I don’t trust easily anymore. Not after walking into these walls, and not before either. I didn’t pay enough attention when you said you were my roommate, and I paid for that mistake,” I explain gently. I’ve never been attracted to females before, but the truth is I do feel a pull to her, and have since I first met her.

“I feel like shit about that. I never want to hear you scream the way you did that day,” she whispers. “Fuck, who am I kidding? The idea that you don’t feel well, have a migraine that took you out for an entire day, cramps that cause you to curl up in the fetal position… All of these things make me feral. I want you to be happy, even if it doesn’t include me in your life.”

Gently pushing me to the shower, I walk into the stall, mulling over that information. Ayden told me that he wanted to kiss me, even if his sister was going to wallow in her guilt. I understand the sentiment now, the reasoning behind holding herself apart, but…

What does all of this mean now that she’s here?

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