Page 98 of Desire


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Realizing she has the door slightly opened, peeking in with wide eyes, I sigh as she scurries off.

“Sit up, Pet. Do you want the soup, grilled cheese, or crackers first?” he offers.

My stomach growls at the thought of food, making me smile slightly as I sit up. “Grilled cheese, please,” I murmur.

I don’t think Dining Hall B offers sandwiches, and it sounds amazing. Sidney hands me it on a plate, sitting on the edge next to me.

“How’s your head? Don’t lie, I’ll be able to tell,” he warns me.

“It’s better,” I tell him. “There’s a dull pain behind my eyes, but I can live with that.”

Grunting, Sidney shakes his head. “I can’t. I have more headache lotion for you. It’s beginning to wear off, which is why you feel the pain at all,” he explains. “How is the cramping?”

Taking a bite of my food, I moan slightly. The cheese pull alone is orgasmic, and the sandwich is delicious.

“Silla,” he groans. “Sex noises are my downfall, Pet. Please take mercy on my soul.”

My lips twitch at his dramatics, but I try to keep it in check.

Andrya comes back into the room, and I realize she must have run.

“I’m fine—” I try to tell her, but she shakes her head.

“Nothing about this is fine,” Andrya bites out, placing pillows around me. Soon, I feel as if I’m being hugged by a giant, fluffy marshmallow. Only some of them are perfectly firm, and others have lots of feathers.

“Oh my gods,” I breathe, sinking into the comfort as I eat.

“Finish, and then we’ll talk. I think it’s important we discuss this before the other guys get here. I want you to know the facts, without being afraid to choose,” Sidney says, though there’s some trepidation in his tone.

Finishing my sandwich, I take a sip of water from the glass he offers me.

“Hit me with it,” I insist. I don’t have a lot of room in my stomach, and I feel as if my cramps are punching me repeatedly. One grilled cheese sandwich is all I’ll be able to finish.

“The birth control, as Andrya explained, can adversely affect some women,” he says carefully. My arms wrap around my stomach as I listen, something telling me that this isn’t going to be easy to hear. “The issue is that if you’re sensitive to the hormones in this, you’ll probably be affected by other similar forms of contraception. Patricia can offer you a female type of condom, but those don’t make much sense for someone in Section B when you can’t always plan for when you’re going to have sex.”

I can feel myself shrinking away from him, not wanting to hear his words. I can’t plan for all the fucking I’ll inevitably have since my body isn’t mine is what I hear between the lines.

“Wait,” Andrya says, squeezing my fingers. “Just listen, please.”

Nodding, I decide to wait to see what they have to say.

“There are other forms of contraception and ways to prevent pregnancy, but they’re very final. You would never be able to bear children,” Sidney says softly.

I never realized I may want to have them, until I heard those words. My breath comes faster as I turn them around and around in my mind. Fuck…

“Silla!” Sidney barks, and I become aware that I stopped breathing. Dammit.

“Yes,” I wheeze, forcing the breaths to come.

“I won’t let whatever is going on in your head happen, okay? I have been thinking about it, and I can make you a tea that you’ll take once a day,” he says, making me pay attention to his words. “It’ll ensure that you’ll have your period every month, but you have to take it every day.”

“Okay,” I whisper, shaking. “Yes, can we do that please?”

“Baby Girl,” Andrya breathes. “You don’t understand yet, but we will do whatever we can to keep you safe. That includes any future babies you may choose to have, too. There are so many choices that are taken from us here, we can ensure this isn’t one of them.”

“Why would you want to do this for me?” I ask, trying to wrap my mind around this.

Climbing into bed with me, Andrya hugs me, her hand slowly rubbing my stomach.

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