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The aching of my eyelids reminded me of the tears I’d cried continuously over the last twenty-four hours. The scratchiness of my throat and raspiness of my voice wouldn’t allow me to forget it, forget him, or forget her, although I desperately wanted to.
I reopened my eyes, afraid to face the visions behind my lids. I’d seen Christina’s face a hundred times over. The sight of her made my stomach turn. She’d managed to ruin the most precious day of my life due to the misery she was drowning in.
Mason’s latch on my breast loosened, signaling the beginning of his sleep pattern. I lowered my shirt and snapped the flap of my bra back in place. The darkness that neighbored us was soothing and the reason I’d chosen this flight over the others leaving Berkeley and heading to my destination. It boarded closest to Mason’s bedtime.
With any luck, he’d sleep the entire seven-hour flight, but traveling with an infant was always unpredictable. Nevertheless, staying behind in Berkeley to soak my body, heart, and mind in memories of my wedding wasn’t an option. This trip, it was necessary. I needed to unplug.
The vibration of my phone prompted me to tear away from my anguish momentarily. Though gloominess coated my spirit, the message that appeared on my screen after unlocking my phone forced a smile on my face. A group between Kleu, Shayla, Aeir, and I had been formed to discuss wedding details over the last week. A new message from Kleu was in the thread.
Nature, I know that your heart is hurting right now but please find comfort in the fact that that motherfucker’s eyes, forehead, nose, jaws, mouth, chin, teeth, gums, chest, arms, back, stomach, legs, and feet are hurting right now.
Nature: 20
Hating ass bitch: -8
At the end of the day, you’re up, babe. I made sure of it.
It brought me very little comfort, but comfort, nonetheless. Because I had no words, I shut down the screen of my phone and reclined as far as the seat would allow, which wasn’t very far at all. Just as I closed my eyes, wincing from the pain their swelling and irritation caused, my phone vibrated again.
“Ouch,” I whispered, feeling utterly miserable.
Our doors are open. If you need somewhere to rest without interruption or worry, come to me. I’m here. I don’t mind taking Mason off your hands. I know that the next few days will be the toughest of your life, but please understand you’re not alone. I’m here. Malachi is here. And it’s your heart that we’re aiming to protect. You won’t have to worry about anything here with us. Just say the word and we’ll come running. I know that we’ve only known each other for a few months now, but you feel so much like a sister I never had. When you hurt, I hurt. I’m praying for the day that our pain subsides. We’re all gutted.
Aeir’s message reactivated the faucets, however, I was all out of tears. Silently, I cried, but there were no physical evidence of the occurrence.
Call me when you land. I love you, babe. Head up.
Shayla’s message was as short as it was sweet. With everyone in the group still awake and active, I felt obligated to respond. Before I could, more messages came through.
Land? Where are you and do I need to board a plane? Kleu wanted to know.
After much consideration and convincing, she’s not letting the honeymoon reservations go to waste. I wasn’t going to let her, either. She needs this time alone,Shayla explained.
Oh, babe. Good for you, Aeir texted.
Take all the time you need. Don’t come back until you feel better – from head to heart to heel, Kleu encouraged.
We can never get it right.Finally, I released the thought that had been haunting me since I fled my wedding.
Life keeps showing me that we shouldn’t be together, yet we keep trying to force what simply isn’t meant to be aligned.
As the words formed through the movement of my fingers, simultaneously, the confession smacked me against the chest, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
Nature, I’d have to disagree,Shayla added.That man loves you down. Life just keeps getting in the way of his efforts to show you just that. Yet, he has yet to give up. I’ve received a hundred calls since yesterday. I haven’t told you because I didn’t want to pile onto your pain. But he’s hurting too and he’s trying everything to fix this, to make it right. Though this isn’t about him, I can’t let you forget how much Milo loves you. When it’s all said and done, that’s what will matter most here.
He does, Kleu sent.
I’ve never seen him so miserable, so broken, Aeir shared.
Locking the phone, I closed my eyes again. Images of Milo, my entire world, appeared. My heart wouldn’t allow me to envision a broken, miserable version of that man. It hurt too much.
Another vibration stirred me out of the trance. I unlocked my phone, searching for a new message in the group. To my surprise, there wasn’t one. I exited the thread, finally realizing there was a message from Milo sitting atop the others. My heart’s gape widened as I expelled a full, lengthy breath. Bracing myself, I tapped the screen to open the message.
Nay.
Another message rolled in as I read the first one.
Talk to me, baby.
