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A low squeal released the pressure that quickly accumulated in my chest. I closed the message and pressed the side button until my phone shut off completely. Closing my eyes for the final time, I forbid their opening until the cabin lights came on and the plane landed in St. Lucia.
* * *
Nature Domino,the sign read as I stepped off the semi-private flight that only sat twenty passengers. After marrying Milo in downtown Berkeley on Wednesday, I was at the government offices, adjusting my identification and going through with my name change.
Nature Dupree, I corrected in my head, chastising myself for being in such a hurry to carry a last name that had caused me so much hell.
“I’m Nature,” I announced.
“Right this way. Luggage?” the driver asked, pointing toward the section of the plane where luggage was being unloaded.
“Yes. The Louis Vuitton luggage with the pink tag.”
“Okay. Let’s get inside and I will get luggage.”
I followed him to the Lincoln truck and waited for him to open the door before Mason and I climbed inside. Sighing at the sight of the car seat I’d requested, I was instantly relieved. As quickly as possible, I got my son inside and strapped down. The carrier he was strapped to my body in helped tremendously, but freeing my body of his weight completely felt much better.
The driver rejoined us shortly after with my luggage in tow. He lifted the rear gate and sat it across the carpet. Once he made it back to his seat, our journey began. The beauty of the island was muddled by my broken heart. As we journeyed to the villa that was reserved for the newly married couple, all I saw was darkness and agony.
To my surprise, the drive was relatively short compared to my expectations. Mason’s tiny fingers gripped my index finger, pulling them toward his mouth in an effort to extract milk. According to his philosophy, milk would pour from any part of my body if he sucked hard enough. He was mistaken.
“We have arrived.”
Unstrapping Mason, I prepared to exit the truck. My door swung open and my luggage was sitting right beside it as the driver waited for me to exit. He led the way up to the private, all-inclusive villa where he produced a key and handed it to me.
“Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“I don’t have any cash on me,” I explained. “I can g—”
“It’s fine. It’s taken care of,” he told me, turning to leave without another word being spoken.
I tapped the card against the door and waited for the green light to enter. When I heard the lock deactivate, I lowered the handle and pushed the door open. The freshness of the room was convincing enough. The staff had certainly cleaned it for our stay. Red roses sat on the table with a table sign beside the vase that readCongratulations. Pushing out the unwanted arm, I groaned as I flipped it over, not ready to be reminded of my disastrous wedding.
Though I’d managed to get a few hours of rest on the plane, my plans were to sleep my pain away over the next four days before returning to Berkeley. The living room of the villa was gorgeous, but it was the bedroom that I would enjoy most. It was where the bulk of my time would be spent.
I pushed through the openness, rounding the corner of the sleeping quarter after only a few seconds. Instantly, I was hit with a whiff of familiarity. Flared nostrils and a bleeding heart controlled my line of vision. The withered frame that sat on the bed before me left me dumbfounded. Woeful eyes peered in my direction as I stood still, unable to move, unable to blink.
“We don’t get to run away no more.”
“Mi– Wha– what are you doing here?”
“I’m here because there’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be, nowhere in the world I can be right now. I meant every fucking word, Nature. I meant every word.It beats for you. It longs for you. It waits for you. And just like me, it’s ready to spend the rest of its days loving on you.” He recited his vows.
Silently, I listened, unsure of what was expected of me. My stomach and heart were still in knots, dropping every time I thought about that day.
“You don’t get to run away and neither do I,” he continued. “My life ain’t shit without you. Don’t do this to me, Nature. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve put you through, all the pain I’ve caused, all the shit, everything, anything. Hit me. Yell at me. Ignore me. Fight me. Hurt me back. But whatever you do, don’t quit on me. I can’t come back from that. Don’t quit on me, Nature.”
I unfastened the carrier to free Mason because I was unsure how long my legs would manage my weight. Every word Milo spoke tested my strength. Without a doubt, I was weakening.
“Talk to me. Say something. Say anything,” he begged.
“I ha-have nothing to say, Milo. I have no words.”
“Then what are you feeling?”
“Pain.”
