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“I’m sorry.”
I pulled in the opposite direction.
“You don’t have to leave. Stay. Please. Ayo, it’s time to go!” he yelled at his company. “It’s time to roll.”
“No. sweetie. It’s fine. You can stay,” I belted over my shoulder.
“Nature. Don’t do this shit,” he gritted, tilting his head in agony.
“I’m sorry for popping up.”
Shaking my head, I leaned down and picked up the bag that I’d brought with me. Milo reached for it, but wasn’t quick enough. I managed to dodge his attempt at retrieving the bag, then stepped around him.
“Nay. Just let me fucking explain. Please.”
“You’re not mine, Milo. There’s nothing to explain. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.”
With every ounce of strength I could muster, I fled through the door I’d just come through. Out of the house and onto the porch, the third vehicle suddenly came into view. I’d completely missed it on my quest to regurgitate my feelings and have them heard by the one person who could reciprocate them.
The actualization that his car wasn’t the only one in the driveway, vomit rose and tickled the back of my throat. I leaned over the flower bush, ready to release if necessary. When the nausea subsided, I continued toward my truck, moving much faster than I had in the last three months since my belly had grown so large.
My swollen belly brushed against the steering wheel as I settled in my seat. My engine started at the push of a button. The speed my body couldn’t produce, the wheels of my truck could. I burned rubber down the path to the fence, only stopping momentarily to allow it to part. Once it set me free, I nearly bald my tires getting off the property.
Two miles down the road, in the comfort of my peanut butter seats and tinted windows, I came to a complete stop, and buried my face in the palms of my hands. Tears stung my eyes as they fell, collapsing and combining in my hand.
On the side of the road, where my dreams of a life with Milo died, I wept like a newborn with colic whom was inconsolable. Not until my tear ducts failed to produce more tears did I gather my bearings and give myself grace. I rubbed my wet, sweaty palms against the softness of my pants as large, notable movements caused my stomach to cave in on the left side and protrude on the right.
My son reminded me that he was with me. A smile etched away at the sadness that held me hostage. I laid both hands on my belly, lowering my head so that he could hear me a bit better.
“I’m sorry, little guy,” I apologized for my emotional melt down. “Mommy is so sorry.”
I sucked in the oxygen around me, determined to rid myself of the incredible gloom that had been cast over my world at once. The silent chastisement didn’t go unnoticed as disappointment crept in where the sadness was exiting.
It’s all my fault,I admitted, cleaning my face with a dry napkin from the armrest.
I flipped the mirror above the steering wheel as I patted away the wetness. Taking the blame was so much easier than blaming Milo for the mixed signals he was sending. It was much easier than focusing on the fact that he’d given me free range and unrestricted access to his home at any point since discovering my pregnancy, though he was aware that he was bringing other women to his residence.
He’d assured me in the very beginning that he entertained women elsewhere and they’d never cross paths with me or my son. Like a fool, I believed him. Now, it all felt like a lie. And with all honesty, I think that hurt worse than anything. Milo was many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. To know that he’d stooped to such barbaric levels left me puzzled and extremely intolerant.
“Unbelievable.”
Once I was on the road again, my wheels didn’t stop rolling until I reachedThe Hammond at River Town, the waterfront hotel with views that made you sick to the stomach with jealousy. At the edge of town, where the water was still and beautiful, it was easily my favorite place to get away. Often, my staycations commenced and ended at this very hotel. Though I hadn’t planned one, that’s exactly where my mind was when the attendant opened my door and welcomed me to the property.
“Welcome to The Hammond at River Town. Turning in for the night?”
“Yes. The keys are inside.”
I wasted little time exiting.
“Room number?”
“I’m not sure, but I will know in a few minutes.”
“Would you like us to bring your bag inside?”
“Yes, please.”
“Eddie will be right behind you.”
