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For two years straight, I tossed and turned, praying for his heart’s contentment. Aeir’s presence quickly became the paracme of his life. He was in his prime. After battling with the discovery of who’d murdered Anna and having to dead that situation, he struggled for a few months, but once Aeir was back in the picture, all was right in his world.
Since, they’d grown closer, and surprisingly, he hadn’t grown colder. He was the warm, intriguing fella I knew before the tragedy that shook us all to the core. His smile lit up the entire room and everyone inside would do almost anything to see it because we all knew the pain that still resided in him. It was pain that didn’t go away, it lingered and it hurt each and every day.
It was in his eyes, in his words, in his movements, and in that smile that we held our breaths for each time we saw his face. For so long, he was misunderstood. Everyone on the outside looking in, deeming him as uncouth and incapable of being loved. Those were unrealistic, seemingly unscathed people who didn’t understand grief and the power of pain.
It was just as potent as love. It had a way of ripping out the best parts of people.He’s changed. I heard a million times over. But every time, the follow up revolved around the question I’d asked twenty times over.
“If your wife was snatched right from up under you, murdered in cold blood in front of your daughter by someone you loved like the brothers your mother birthed, wouldn’t you change to?”
Malachi was dealt a fucked-up hand. And every day, I thanked God that he was still here. It was a blessing that I didn’t overlook, even on my best days. With our mother’s history of mental health and how their story ended, I prayed daily for the strength of my brother.
Every time my phone rang, I died a little inside, hoping it wasn’t a call that Malachi had ended his life. That’s how deep his roots with Anna ran. Until Aeir came into his life, I was certain he wasn’t a willing participant in it. He wanted out. It was Aussie that kept him grounded. Forever, I was indebted to her.
Extending my arms, I reached for Maz, who was drooling as he stared at me, curiously. His hands went up, immediately. Standing to my feet, I leaned over and scooped him up. His joy was infectious. He bobbed his head and wiggled his body, excitedly.
“Alright, little dude. Alright. My bad. I took too long to get you.”
He rested his head on my chest as I tuned back into the conversation being had among the men surrounding me. But just as quickly, I zoned out completely, taking a good look at everyone around me.
Mercer’s humbled nature was a far cry from the man he’d been before his stint, but I loved this version of him even more. Makai, the wicked and wildest of us all, managed the perfect disguise. From first glance, and to any stranger, he was a perfect, sane dude. But everyone at the table understood the complexities of his brain.
Being a man who studied the brain and its functions, I understood those complexities best. There was a tiny switch inside and when it was flipped, he transformed into something unfathomable by the average human. His mental capacity was the one that worried me most. It was most reflective of our mother’s. At the snap of a finger, he became a completely different human.
Malachi, the heart of the family, was slowly progressing and it was a joy to see it. Aussie, the Princess, surrounded by soldiers, was thriving. She was the smartest thing I’d ever seen. The family would argue that she was following in my footsteps, but I felt that she was beyond me at her age. College by twelve was my prediction and she was well on her way.
Pops, even in old age, was still as sharp as a steak knife. It was his idea, this night and the gathering at his home. Mercer spent the majority of the evening in the kitchen with Pops at his side. The culinary enthusiast of the family, he could truly burn. The mixed greens, pan-seared chicken breast, stuffed salmon, green beans, mashed potatoes, and mac and cheese spread that was waiting under the heat lamps were his latest creations. He’d popped the cornbread in the oven seconds before sitting at the table to join us.
First Fridays. It was our new ritual and this was the beginning of many first Fridays of each month that we sat down to feast as a family. Though I was surrounded with love, there was still a missing piece to the puzzle that robbed me of the feeling of completion. Wholeness evaded me. The empty chair next to me was a reminder that I was still alone and the person who belonged there, rubbing her growing belly with my son inside, was alone, too.
I shifted Maz in my arm, retrieving my phone from the pocket of my jeans. With one hand, I entered the code and opened the message thread from Nature and I. Chuckling, I admired her dedication.
Just like me, she was burning with desire inside, but remaining cautious, she fed me bread crumbs, just enough to satisfy me for a few before I was back for more. What she didn’t understand was that I had every intention of sticking around until I was gifted the entire loaf. It was mine, any-fucking-way.
Have you eaten?I texted her.
Surprisingly, her response was almost immediate. It could only mean her phone was in her hands, already in use, when she received the message. It was read within the same minute I’d sent it.
No, she responded.
Come to Pop's house. We’re having dinner.
Milo. I don’t feel like driving. Thanks for the invitation.
I’ll send a car.
No.
I’ll come get you.
I don’t think dinner is a good idea.
I responded with a sad face emoji before closing the chat. Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I joined the conversation with the guys.
“Pour me some more.”
I lifted my glass, waiting for Makai to pour in the Hennessy White. It was the drink of choice for the night. Three bottles sat on the makeshift bar with juices that Aeir was kind enough to supply, however, we were drinking our shit straight. No chaser.
“And then, this nigga Chem and his two cents. Always trying to stick that shit somewhere. I told the nigga to pull up. Stop all that talking and pull up.”
