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“But you didn’t.”
“Because you agreed and now, you’re being all… I don’t know.”
She tossed a hand in the air, unable to explain herself any further.
“Fuck it.”
“Fuck it?”
“Yeah. You’ve made it clear that you’re not fucking with me on that level, then okay.”
“It’s not that simple, Milo,” she breathed out.
“Yeah. It is, actually.”
Stubbornness plagued us both as silence crept in the spaces that we weren’t willing to fill with words. I cracked my knuckles one by one as I rested my head against the reclined seat, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t until the car came to a complete stop that I sat up and tucked my feelings deep into my chest. I exited the vehicle, taking note that Nature hadn’t given me a chance to make it around to her side before rushing out of the car.
“Sit back down,” I sneered, approaching her.
“Milo, it’s fine. I just need to use the bathroom. My blad—”
“Nah, Nay. Sit back down. You’re going to make it to the bathroom, but what you’re not going to do is be petty because you can’t make up your fucking mind about a nigga.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she sighed, lowering her body back into the car and closing the door.
I counted down from three, hoping it was enough time for her to begin getting her shit together. When I lifted the door, I discovered a very flustered, pregnant Nature, moving her head from one side to the other. I offered my hand for assistance but she declined, stepping out of the vehicle by her lonesome.
Before she was able to get around me, I pushed forward, pinning her body against the car. With my index finger, I lifted her chin so that her eyes were on me. She stared straight ahead, right past me, and off into the distance.
“I express myself and you hide. Then, finally, you emerge, confessing your love for me and your desires to be something more. Shit doesn’t go your way and you pitch a fit. Cool. I’ll give you that much. I push forward, you pull back. I push forward, you pull back. And when I finally decide to agree with you, you got your fucking lips poked out and you pouting.
“Your confusion has nothing to do with me, Nay. I’ve made it clear what I want, why I want it, how I want it, and when I want it. I’m a fucking man, not some boy, Nature. Especially not the boy I once was. I don’t have time for uncertainty. Make your fucking mind up.”
Grabbing her hand, I took off for the house with her on my heels. I refused to let her ass piss all over herself because she was being stubborn or because she’d rather make a mess than spend another waking moment with me. I didn’t give a fuck that she was in her feelings.
I wasted little time getting upstairs and into the shower, leaving Nature to figure shit out on her own. With the car keys in my possession, I knew that she wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon. If she couldn’t figure our shit out, I’d figure it out for her.
I understood her hesitancy to jump into something with me after what I’d put her through. I wasn’t claiming to be a saint at all. I’d done baby girl bad. My focus was my education back then. My obsession with the brain, the way it worked, and what had caused my mother’s malfunction was my driving force back then. It helped me conceal the pain I truly felt, allowing me more time to heal and come to terms with her death.
The same complaints Nature had cried to me about pertaining to her father and his obsession with his career, she’d experienced in the years that she dedicated herself to me while I dedicated myself to the books. And on top of the neglect, I cheated. Though I’d known it before, by the time she was walking out of my door, I truly understood the depths of my love for Nature.
My actions might’ve proven otherwise, just once, but the truth was, I loved her more than I did myself. The love I harbored for her was the same love I’d witnessed in my father’s eyes for my mother. It was the same love he showered her with on a daily basis. And putting it lightly, that shit scared me.
To know I was capable of loving so severely with the possibility of inheriting my mother’s mental disability was disheartening, forcing me further into my studies to prove that I could love Nature that much and never bring harm to her. My fear consumed me and so did my studies, leading to my infidelity and eventually our departure.
“Milo!”
Her voice lured me from my thoughts. The droplets of water and steam from the shower restricted my view. Though I could hear her, I could only see bits and piece of her figure through the glass.
“Yeah?”
“I can’t find the keys. I’m trying to get home, but the car won’t start without them inside. Do you have them?”
I stepped out of the shower, wiping the water from my face with a swipe of the hand. Nature turned slightly to give me the privacy I hadn’t requested and shield her eyes from the rigidness between my legs.
“Sounds like a personal problem to me, Nay.”
Covering her eyes, she turned around to me and blew out a stream of air.
