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Silence.
“I know it feels like we’re just in this never-ending loop, but—”
Raising slightly and turning to face me, she released a steady breath.
“You asked for this, Milo. You asked to co-parent. You brought this upon yourself and so did I. You begged to become a piece of this puzzle of mine and now you’re acting as if you don’t know where you belong, where you’re supposed to go. I don’t need this shit, Milo. I could’ve done this on my own. I could’ve had a son on my own, raised him on my own. I didn’t want to deal with the drama of having a child with someone but I thought, it’s Milo. This will be fine. And up until the eighth month of pregnancy, it was fine.
“But right now, I’m letting you know that I’m not for your bullshit. I don’t have the luxury of excuses, so fuck your excuses. If I can be there, so can you. I didn’t ask for this, Milo. You did. You wanted your son, you have him. Do right by him! I’m not a woman that is going to beg for your participation. I watched my mother do it for far too long. Either you’re in or you’re out. There’s no in between!”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” she yelled.
“Ain’t shit else for me to say that I haven’t already said. You’re right. I know it and so do you. I’m not apologizing no more. You’ve made it clear that you want improvement. Shit, me too. So instead of wasting my breath, telling you how sorry I am that this shit keeps happening the way it does, I’m going to show you. But make no mistake, Nature. I know exactly where I belong in this puzzle.
“Don’t let the last two months cloud your memory and make you forget that I’ve been here… right here… waiting, watching, preparing, and being any and everything you need even with the limitations you put in place. That’s not to discredit anything you just said, but damn, Nay. You act like I’m a fucking menace. You and I both know that’s the furthest from the truth. I just… shit just been fucked up for the last two months but it’s going to get better. I put that shit on my Pops.”
Silently, she rested her head on the pillow again.
“How was the appointment? Did he cry when he got his vaccinations? What did the doctor say?”
Silence.
“Nay, what the doctor say?”
Silence.
“Nay. Don’t be stubborn. What did the doctor say?”
“He’s deaf!” she shrieked. “He can’t hear, Milo. That’s what the doctor said and had you been there, you would’ve heard it yourself and maybe we could’ve supported one another instead of me having my heart ripped out of my chest while all alone and trying to remain calm.”
The tears she’s cried and the defeat on her face made more sense now. The blow to my chest almost made me regret the question I’d just asked. I stood to my feet, tilting my head as the words she’d just spat looped in my head. I stumbled, slightly, remembering his final months inside when my voice seemed to rattle him, causing him to flip and turn in Nature’s belly.
How?I asked, but quickly answered my own question.Cardiac rhythm. Studies had shown time and time again that it could be determined and acknowledged by babies in utero.
“I’m sor… I’m sorry. He’s what, Nature?”
Her words had crushed my heart once, but I begged for the pain again. I needed to verify the information was accurate and I’d heard her correctly, even if it meant physical, mental, and emotional paralyzation momentarily.
“Deaf. His hearing is compromised in both ears. More extensive test will need to be done to determine the degree of his disability but without a doubt, Mason is deaf,” she cried.
Managing my emotions was impossible. My nose widened and tightened numerous times. I gazed at my son, still in my arms, trying to comprehend it all. A tear fell from my eyes, onto his shirt, notifying me that I’d failed at maintaining my composure.
“Deaf?”
I swiped my eyes, lifting my head to confirm one last time.
Nature was unable to respond. Her face and head were stuffed into the pillow. Her loud sobs mired my thoughts. I walked over, near the corner of her bedroom where the rocking chair was, and sat down to relieve my legs before my brain stop signaling to them and both me and Mason fell to the floor.
Rocking my son back and forward, I glared in his mother’s direction, silently apologizing for my tardiness though I’d promised her I wouldn’t. I wasn’t above my own chastisement. Internally, I gave myself a good tongue lashing before settling on my next move.
With haste, I removed one of my cells from my pocket and dialed the office’s number. Christina picked up on the second ring. Though Nature had made it clear that she didn’t want calls made to or received from Christina happening in her home, I wasn’t in the space to make the call elsewhere.
“Dr. Domi—”
“Clear my schedule for the next two weeks.”
“Mr. Domino?”
