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“That must have been gorgeous,” she decided. “And kind of forbidden.”
“There wasn’t anyone around, but yeah. It probably added to the heat of things.”
Though, objectively, we didn’t need any outward factors to get a fire going between us.
I mean, my thighs were aching from the sex. I don’t think my thighs had ever ached from sex before.
“Are you going to see him again?” Josie asked, cutting through all the bullshit.
“He invited me to drop into the clubhouse whenever I want to force some guy named Eddie there to cook for me.”
“Right. Because this Eddie guy is why you’d want to go there,” she said, rolling her pretty eyes. “Come onnn, Rynn. Give me something here,” she demanded, following me as I went to the couch and dropped down, feeling drained.
The sun and the sex had proven too much.
All I wanted to do was go home and take a nap.
“You like him, don’t you?” she asked, hugging a witch hat shaped pillow to her chest as she looked at my profile.
That was the question, wasn’t it?
The one I’d been actively avoiding asking myself since he’d left the office the day before.
The day before, though, he’d still just been a stranger who knew all the secrets of my body. Now? Now, he was a person. With a name. And a bad family history. With interests and stories and a personality.
“I think I do,” I admitted.
“Think?” she asked.
“I don’t know. This is new for me,” I reminded her. “Before this, all that mattered was someone was good in bed and not a complete douchebag when he opened his mouth. The bar was kind of on the floor.”
“But he raised it,” she said. It wasn’t a question, but I found myself answering anyway.
“Yes.”
“So, what would be so bad about maybe exploring that more? No one is saying you need to marry him and have a dozen of his babies,” she said, shrugging. “Just… see where it goes. Enjoy it.”
“To what end?” I asked.
Josie looked stumped for a moment.
“To whatever natural end it has,” she landed on. “Whether that means you just enjoy each other for a few months, then go your separate ways. Or maybe you fall for each other and stay together. Whatever. You can’t possibly know, so what’s the point in trying to figure that out right now? Just enjoy it while you have it.”
That was actually the best advice she could give me.
I wasn’t, as a whole, someone who could look to the future and see a man in it. Because everything about the future I constructed for myself didn’t have one in it. I mean, aside from my sugar babies. But, let’s face it, that was just a pipe dream, y’know?
But I couldn’t fathom waking up to someone else in my bed. Seeing their toothbrush next to mine. Their clothes in my laundry basket. Their shows on my TV.
I was really accustomed to being on my own. And, what’s more, Ilikedit. So trying to imagine a different future was just going to end in a headache and me telling myself that there’s no way I want that with someone.
But if all I had to do was look toward the next time we linked up? I could do that.
It would also have the added benefit of keeping my head clear. Because I had to make some damn progress on this case. There was a shitton of money on the line. I couldn’t screw it up.
“I think I might take that advice,” I admitted, nodding.
Enjoy it while it lasted.
