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“I’ve never known such happiness, Kat. Never.”
When I hear the sincerity in her voice, I release her from my hold.
“I’m glad, sweet friend. Go. I won’t keep you away from such happiness a minute longer. Go.”
“Good night,” she sings before rushing back into her lover’s arms.
I, on the other hand, start walking back to my chambers, wrecked with so many contradicting emotions, it’s hard to keep them straight in my head or my heart. But ultimately, one stands out more than the others—jealousy.
Where could he be?
Where could he have possibly gone to that is more important than… me?
And with that question banging at my head, follows more.
If he knew he had somewhere else to be tonight, wouldn’t it have been the courteous thing to do to warn me? To say something to that effect?
We spent the whole day together, laughing and talking with each other about everything and nothing. It had been like it was before, back when I would wait impatiently for his visit up north. But throughout all that time I thought we were tapping into our youth, it didn’t even cross his mind to warn me that our plans for tonight had changed.
Here in the south, we don’t judge or warden the people we care about.
That’s what he keeps reminding me.
When he first said those words to me, it had been liberating.
But now I understand that those words don’t only apply to me.
They apply to him too.
Teo is a free man to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to.
With whomever he desires.
As that bucket of ice water sinks in, forbidden images of what Teo might be doing with his so-called freedom corrupt my mind and crush my soul.
When I finally reach my chambers, I slam the door shut and fling myself on top of my bed, like a petulant child who was denied her dessert.
But as I turn to the side, and see Levi’s letters piled on top of my dresser, my jealousy is quickly replaced with guilt.
Levi.
My heart.
What will he think of me when he finds out about what Teo and I have been up to? Especially since he made it very clear that there is no love lost between the two.
When word gets to the east that I’ve been…
What?
What have I been doing that is so wrong?
Letting a man, that at one point in my life I thought would be by my side forever as my wedded husband and king, punish me? That the sting of the paddle or the bite of tresses on my sensitive skin awakens something inside me that I didn’t even know was there? Something that makes me feel more alive than I have ever been?
And then I remind myself of the whole reason I even traveled south in the first place. Did I not propose marriage to the worthiest contender? Doesn’t that mean that I should explore every avenue that is offered to me? Shouldn’t my decision be for the betterment of my people? To find an alliance that will benefit the north and, in the end, Aikyam more?
I can’t make that kind of decision based on my heart’s wants.
My kingdom needs to come first.
