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“I want you to say you believe that I’m not involved in this. I’m not working for your fucking nan. Christ, Cal, she’s threatening my brother, and I was honest with you from the start about it. If I was working for her, why would I tell you that?”
“To gain my trust.” She’s being so serious right now, I don’t know what to do. I drink some more of my pint. Callie turns her head back to the table next to us. I feel tears sting the corner of my eyes. No, no fucking way does she get to see me cry.
I have to concede that I can’t say anything that’s going to get her to trust me. Weighing my options, I come to a devastating conclusion. I should have let her leave in Hamburg. Having me here with her now isn’t going to work. She’s so paranoid that she’ll keep me at arm’s length, possibly forever.
Decision made, albeit painfully. I’m done with this. I found her, which is what I set out to do. I’ll take the info from my vault and pass it on to the name that was given to me, and then I’ll get on with my own life. I can only hope and pray that Callie comes back to me.
Downing the rest of my drink, I stand and put on my coat. Callie watches me but doesn’t say anything. I shuffle past her, lean down and kiss her on the head before leaving. I feel broken.
The hotel is a short walk away and I have my own key card. I scold myself as tears start to form.I won’t cry, I won’t cry. Does it say something about me that I’m walking away? I was so sure I would ride this out with her. Whatever, I’m going to drive myself insane if I keep churning it over in my head.
My bag isn’t even unpacked. I set the key card down, hoist my bag onto my shoulder and leave. The last thing I want to do right now is travel, but once I’m home, I can take some time to sleep and process what a heap of shit everything has turned out to be. God knows how I’m going to explain this to Betty without getting Daniel shot in the face.
I push open the hotel door and step into the street. There’s a taxi rank just up ahead. With only two people ahead of me, I only stand waiting for a few minutes. The taxi driver puts my bag into the trunk, and I open the rear door. Before I can slip in the back, the door is slammed shut. I wheel around ready to spit venom at the rude fucker that did that, but I stop because looking flustered with tears streaming down her face is Callie.
Pulling me back to the curb, she retrieves my bag out of the car boot. She still hasn’t spoken and I have nothing to say. I let her steer me back to the hotel, where she throws my bag to the floor. I watch her pace the room. “You were just going to leave? No goodbye, nothing, after everything?”
Her hand signals are erratic, she’s shaking and her tears are pouring now. I’m so fucking confused. “Callie, it’s best I go. After Hamburg, you’re not going to trust me. I won’t stay with you to be ignored.”
Callie grips her head like it’s in pain, her eyes are frantic and I’m getting concerned. Suddenly she drops to the floor in a heap. I rush to her because I think she’s passed out. She hasn’t, she’s just sobbing.
“I… I c-can’t do… do this w-without you, Daisy.” I hold her as tight as I can. Her body is almost convulsing as she lets out years of pain and fear. This is the meltdown she’s needed to have.
* * *
In all the years I have known Callie Compton, I have never seen her look so broken. Once she started crying last night, she couldn’t stop. The proverbial floodgates had opened. I stayed on the floor with her for hours as she sobbed. Honestly, I was at a loss for what to do.
Eventually, I was able to coax her into the shower, where she stood limply as I washed her hair and body. After, I tucked her into bed, I lay with her until she fell asleep. I managed to leave the room long enough to get some food for us.
To me, Callie is strong and unwavering. She is calm under pressure and always one step ahead of everyone else. This Callie, the one sleeping next to me, is a stranger. This Callie is so vulnerable I could cry. I know I have to be the strong one for now, but I’m not sure how to do that.
Look, I’m not some bloody wuss. I’m a strong independent woman. I look after myself financially and emotionally. I’ve never needed anyone. Alright, maybe that’s a lie. I needed Callie when I was younger, that’s for sure. Not now though. I learned to look after myself as soon as I left for university.
But I’m not alone anymore. I have Callie to look after also, and that isn’t something I’m used to doing. There’s a reason—apart from Callie being the only woman I’ve ever loved—that I haven’t pursued relationships with women. I don’t know how to be there for someone like that. I think it’s scary having another person rely on you.
Callie has slept through the whole of yesterday afternoon and the night. I’ve struggled to sleep, too worried about her to settle. It’s eight a.m. and I finally feel her stir. A surge of panic runs through me. I don’t know how to act. Should I ignore her breakdown and wait for her to say something or should I talk to her about it? Why am I being so weird about it? Fuck! It’s Callie, for Christ’s sake.
“Hey,” I sign when she rolls over and looks up at me. I give her the warmest smile in my arsenal and hope I don’t look super creepy. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, but she returns my smile. That’s got to be a good sign, right?
“Hey.” I can only imagine that her voice must be croaky. She cried for hours. I pass her a small bottle of water that I put on my bedside table, ready for this moment. She takes it and drains half of it. Score one to Daisy. I totally called that right. Maybe I can look after her after all!
“How are you feeling?”
“Like a truck ran over me!” I bet she does. “Thank you,” she adds. I don’t want her thanks, I want her trust. “It all just felt too much last night.” I nod and place a kiss on her head. “When I saw you leaving, it was like something broke in me.” I don’t want to say anything until I know where this is going. “I’ve been alone and scared for so long, Daisy. When you found me, it was like my world started turning again. And then I felt like I had to keep you and Chris safe, but no matter what I did, people found us. I’ve been terrified that you would get hurt.”
Her eyes well up again. “I felt a bit better when Chris found a place with Meryl and Derek. But then we were chased by that woman and I thought you would be hurt which… It’s too much to bear, Daisy. I know you’re not in league with Betty. I should never have said all that. I’m so sorry. My head is a mess. I can’t think straight. It’s all just too much.” She’s sobbing again and I can’t stop my own tears from spilling this time.
When Callie has stopped crying—probably because her tear ducts have dried up—I sit in front of her. “I would never betray you, Callie, never!” She has to know that’s the truth. I need her to know without a doubt. “Callie, I have been in love with you for so long. No other woman could ever match up. I would do anything for you, anything.” I see no point holding back anymore. “No matter what happens, I will be by your side for as long as you will have me!”
“You love me?”
“Yes, I always have, and I always will. I fell in love with you the day we met, Callie Compton.” Well, it’s all out there now. I feel squirmy because Callie is looking at me so intensely she might burn holes into my eyeballs.
“I love you, too. Always have.”
“Kiss me.”
You might want to go and make a cup of tea or something because this is going to go on for a while!
